My heart is broken.

Today I said goodbye to the most impactful being I have ever known. He came into my world such a delicate treasure, grew to be a pillar for me to lean on, and left me marred and forever changed from where his presence once stood. He was my reason for rising when I had nothing in me. He was my comfort at my lowest. He celebrated my triumphs and was my partner in crime for almost half my living world.

Faustus was never my pet, he was my family.

This tiny little mop came into my life and impacted everyone he met.

He lived a fuller life then most.

He was welcomed as an equal member among sword fighters, knights, and bards, one of the few furry members to be registered in the LARP Amtgard worldwide.

He traveled our world with me. He experienced the deep cold of Canada, frolicking in snow so heavy he could swim in it. He slept under the stars of the great plains. He lounged in the warm desert sun of the south.

There were few places that I went that he did not follow.

His life was not always easy. He almost did not get to experience it long from the beginning, suffering a devastating injury that nearly has him put down as a puppy. Despite the odds, he kept going with a smile.

He was not a passive player in this world. When I got him, he was such a scared, permissive little fuzzball, but he quickly grew into a confident, stubborn terror that commanded attention. He did not permit aggression, barking over anyone yelling until they quietly apologized and asked to speak. He was a gourmet, excessively picky with refined tastes. If his food was not presented right, or was on the wrong type of plate then he would not eat.

He liked his life full of spice, both on his plate and in his experience.

He adored holidays, with Christmas being his favorite. He loved to dress up, at one point even forgoing animosity between him and other family members to show off a new hat to them, demanding praise. He knew what presents were his under the tree and would delight when it was his turn to open them, always looking for which one was going to be his latest new ball.

He had such character. He was careful with his toys, never wanting to rip anything apart and even stacking his favorites in neat little piles. He hated other dogs his size, but was a little player whenever he was around a female dog that he could barely come up to their ankles. He adored cats, protecting his little brother when another dog tried to chase him and even calmly greeting a neighbors cat, waiting patiently while the kitten hissed until it felt safe enough with him to come closer and say hi. Even at the end, he happily accepted the strange little stay I let in, giving her his food and letting her roam over him with just delight on his face.

It is such a shock to talk of him as he was and not as he is. It is unreal to look beside me and not see him, giving me his casual side eye as he watches over me.

I don't think the hole he left in my life will ever heal. I don't want his presence in my world to be smoothed over. I want to remember him, to feel that bitter pain of his loss and remember the joy of his life.

I want there to be a scar, that dips and rises that can fade but never be entirely forgotten on the map of my heart.

I want to carry with me that mark forever that says

Faustus lived here.