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Well, here's proof that I'm not dead and still writing. However, this piece is a brutally honest satire for fans and fanfic writers everywhere. I even admit to breaking a few of these rules myself and this is by no means a comprehensive list.
If you finishing reading this bit offended because by some off chance I made up a rule with you in mind (likely, these are the top eight things that make me pull my hair out when reading fanfics plus a nine everyone hopefully has the brains to realize) then I apologize.... Okay, not really since I've given you more than fair warning and you really need to get a sense of humor. :P
The Fanfic Writer’s Bible
Or: The rules every creative fan always breaks
By Stephen Landis
Observed in countless fanfics
The rules that everyone has broken
Even the author
Disclaimer: In case it wasn’t obvious already, this is satire. Everyone who has ever humored or started serious writing by writing the dreaded fan fiction has broken these rules, even the guy who’s writing this down and laughing at you has broken one or more of these rules. The difference of course is that better writers break these rules less often and less severely.
1. Thou shall respect the creator’s storyline. This is simultaneously the easiest and the hardest rule to follow. By definition, fan fiction deviates from the established storyline. But good fan fiction by definition is supposed to fit seamlessly enough that the original creator could have conceivably wrote it. Technically, that is the question a writer expanding on another piece should always ask as they write, what would the original creator do if they were writing this.
2. Thou shall respect the creator’s rules on origins. It is generally bad taste to create something that sticks out amongst canon characters like an Abrams tank in a ballroom. Dimensional-hopping pirates, time traveling thieves, and mundane salary men all have their place, just not the same place or even in the same universe you’re writing in.
3. Thou shall respect the creator’s characters. If they weren’t interesting, the creator wouldn’t have bothered making them, much less make them major characters. DO NOT KILL THEM OFF or toss aside established relationships between like they’re meaningless. If the characters weren’t the way they are, they wouldn’t be interesting!
4. Thou shall respect the creator’s limits on what power a character can wield. This rule is a particular sore spot with me. I have chatted with and read the works of skilled fan writers WHO STILL BREAK THIS RULE A THOUSAND TIMES OVER!!!! If the most powerful character made by the creator needs backup to take down the Evil Overlord ™, what makes your character have the gall to think they can take him on by themselves?
5. Thou shall find a way to fit in his characters in with little fuss. I confess to breaking this rule myself, but ideally you should write your character as if he was one of the NPC/Nobodies/Walk-ons that were always there in the background and suddenly was needed to fill in for a main character. The character should ideally be able to jump in and fill that empty space without missing a beat.
6. Thou shall not pollute the holy canon with drivel. If you have to ask, then yes you can always be a better writer/artist/whatever. Those who think they’re perfect tend to stagnate and usually not at a very high level of skill either. The best writers always can go back and find something they can do better or always think their work is mediocre at best.
7. If thou has to ask, thou is not good enough to be canon. I guess it’s every fan’s dream to make something good enough to be considered canon. But it’s not easy, especially not for the creator. Many characters have annoying little tics that are hard to get perfect if they’re not your own. Plus it’s more then likely a fan has interpreted events differently in order to let their characters enter the universe. In short, let the creator keep his own canon. Of course, this statement assumes we’re living in a perfect world where everything written is of master quality…
8. The amount of actual knowledge held on canon is inversely proportional to how much perceived knowledge is held. Translation: The guy who thinks he knows everything actually knows nothing.
9. If thou has achieved the dream, thou shall not give up thou’s day job. So you have achieved the dream… now go get off your ass and use that talent to make something original. What? You honestly expected some kind of compensation for this? Okay, maybe not really after all, most fans are rabid enough just to enjoy having their work stuck in somewhere for all to see.
If you finishing reading this bit offended because by some off chance I made up a rule with you in mind (likely, these are the top eight things that make me pull my hair out when reading fanfics plus a nine everyone hopefully has the brains to realize) then I apologize.... Okay, not really since I've given you more than fair warning and you really need to get a sense of humor. :P
The Fanfic Writer’s Bible
Or: The rules every creative fan always breaks
By Stephen Landis
Observed in countless fanfics
The rules that everyone has broken
Even the author
Disclaimer: In case it wasn’t obvious already, this is satire. Everyone who has ever humored or started serious writing by writing the dreaded fan fiction has broken these rules, even the guy who’s writing this down and laughing at you has broken one or more of these rules. The difference of course is that better writers break these rules less often and less severely.
1. Thou shall respect the creator’s storyline. This is simultaneously the easiest and the hardest rule to follow. By definition, fan fiction deviates from the established storyline. But good fan fiction by definition is supposed to fit seamlessly enough that the original creator could have conceivably wrote it. Technically, that is the question a writer expanding on another piece should always ask as they write, what would the original creator do if they were writing this.
2. Thou shall respect the creator’s rules on origins. It is generally bad taste to create something that sticks out amongst canon characters like an Abrams tank in a ballroom. Dimensional-hopping pirates, time traveling thieves, and mundane salary men all have their place, just not the same place or even in the same universe you’re writing in.
3. Thou shall respect the creator’s characters. If they weren’t interesting, the creator wouldn’t have bothered making them, much less make them major characters. DO NOT KILL THEM OFF or toss aside established relationships between like they’re meaningless. If the characters weren’t the way they are, they wouldn’t be interesting!
4. Thou shall respect the creator’s limits on what power a character can wield. This rule is a particular sore spot with me. I have chatted with and read the works of skilled fan writers WHO STILL BREAK THIS RULE A THOUSAND TIMES OVER!!!! If the most powerful character made by the creator needs backup to take down the Evil Overlord ™, what makes your character have the gall to think they can take him on by themselves?
5. Thou shall find a way to fit in his characters in with little fuss. I confess to breaking this rule myself, but ideally you should write your character as if he was one of the NPC/Nobodies/Walk-ons that were always there in the background and suddenly was needed to fill in for a main character. The character should ideally be able to jump in and fill that empty space without missing a beat.
6. Thou shall not pollute the holy canon with drivel. If you have to ask, then yes you can always be a better writer/artist/whatever. Those who think they’re perfect tend to stagnate and usually not at a very high level of skill either. The best writers always can go back and find something they can do better or always think their work is mediocre at best.
7. If thou has to ask, thou is not good enough to be canon. I guess it’s every fan’s dream to make something good enough to be considered canon. But it’s not easy, especially not for the creator. Many characters have annoying little tics that are hard to get perfect if they’re not your own. Plus it’s more then likely a fan has interpreted events differently in order to let their characters enter the universe. In short, let the creator keep his own canon. Of course, this statement assumes we’re living in a perfect world where everything written is of master quality…
8. The amount of actual knowledge held on canon is inversely proportional to how much perceived knowledge is held. Translation: The guy who thinks he knows everything actually knows nothing.
9. If thou has achieved the dream, thou shall not give up thou’s day job. So you have achieved the dream… now go get off your ass and use that talent to make something original. What? You honestly expected some kind of compensation for this? Okay, maybe not really after all, most fans are rabid enough just to enjoy having their work stuck in somewhere for all to see.
Category Story / Miscellaneous
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File Size 25 kB
I don't see how anyone could really get offended by this. I had to snicker at your explanation for #4, and I definitely agree with how annoying that can be.
Incidentally, this is all but identical the the philosophy I've been using myself... I guess it should just be common sense, just some folks need to be reminded of that every so often, eh?
Incidentally, this is all but identical the the philosophy I've been using myself... I guess it should just be common sense, just some folks need to be reminded of that every so often, eh?
Yeah, common sense isn't that common. I'm frequently reminded of that every time I sit down and read yet another cringe worthy fanfic (the writer who mixes Sonic and vore is still my "favorite" nutbar) and want to beat my head against my keyboard.
Although, to be fair, I still read them through if only to get a good idea what can be considered "bad" or "fruity."
Although, to be fair, I still read them through if only to get a good idea what can be considered "bad" or "fruity."
Hmmm... could probably work that, actually, if you did it carefully... I can see where such a mix could be cringe-inducing, though, yes. ^_^
I usually just try to avoid most fanfic; frankly, I never had much respect for it as a genre. If anyone had told me I was going to end up writing it myself... I would have been very confused, and probably irritated.
I usually just try to avoid most fanfic; frankly, I never had much respect for it as a genre. If anyone had told me I was going to end up writing it myself... I would have been very confused, and probably irritated.
Lucky for you, I happened to be a practicing atheist exorcist.
BAD LUCK GO AWAY. I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU.
Anyway, yeah, I hope you're right. It'd be nice to think that the Internet(s) was(were) getting smarter for a change. In my case, it could also be that I'm finding new places to look...
BAD LUCK GO AWAY. I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU.
Anyway, yeah, I hope you're right. It'd be nice to think that the Internet(s) was(were) getting smarter for a change. In my case, it could also be that I'm finding new places to look...
Must have pressed a wrong button. Anyway, only kidding man.
But yeah, I COULD post it on the adult group of Extinctioners but somehow I don't see it as being well received. When I was writing this, I was honestly thinking of the Extinctioner fandom. I'd say who inspired which rule, but that would probably get me more trouble then I deserve. All I'll say is this, EVERYONE breaks rule number five in some way. It's like a requirement for fanfiction
But yeah, I hesitate on posting this anywhere else because I'm not sure people there would have the same sense of humor I did putting this together. I posted another bible before this one, attacking things I saw wrong with the fatfur fandom and was pretty well scorched for it.
But Club Extinctioners Adult? Come on man, I just got my membership reapproved yesterday. At least let me raid the archive of Shawntae's offical art there before I do anything to get thrown out!
But yeah, I COULD post it on the adult group of Extinctioners but somehow I don't see it as being well received. When I was writing this, I was honestly thinking of the Extinctioner fandom. I'd say who inspired which rule, but that would probably get me more trouble then I deserve. All I'll say is this, EVERYONE breaks rule number five in some way. It's like a requirement for fanfiction
But yeah, I hesitate on posting this anywhere else because I'm not sure people there would have the same sense of humor I did putting this together. I posted another bible before this one, attacking things I saw wrong with the fatfur fandom and was pretty well scorched for it.
But Club Extinctioners Adult? Come on man, I just got my membership reapproved yesterday. At least let me raid the archive of Shawntae's offical art there before I do anything to get thrown out!
Lol, I can't blame ya for that. People don't visit the group for the fiction, anyway, I know I don't. I just dread the fact that I will probably have to post any of my Armies of Alden work there since it's a bit too gruesome than the comic is rated.
Of course, as a new member, you probably don't know why I said such strong words about the fiction there. Do you remember when you asked me about the smoking humanimal and I said that a smoking humanimal is less of a stretch than resurrecting dead characters and having them boink their children? That was in direct reference to one of the recent fics on the Adult Ex group, a fiction that drew some controversy but was ultimately defended by the group's members as a valid and commendable concept. It mystified the hell out of me, personally.
And on rule number five, oh, man can I relate to that. In fact, it makes me feel a bit guilty about my current personal fic... in fact, it's guilty as sin according to the rules set forth here, or not. Mind if I run a few of my ideas by you?
Of course, as a new member, you probably don't know why I said such strong words about the fiction there. Do you remember when you asked me about the smoking humanimal and I said that a smoking humanimal is less of a stretch than resurrecting dead characters and having them boink their children? That was in direct reference to one of the recent fics on the Adult Ex group, a fiction that drew some controversy but was ultimately defended by the group's members as a valid and commendable concept. It mystified the hell out of me, personally.
And on rule number five, oh, man can I relate to that. In fact, it makes me feel a bit guilty about my current personal fic... in fact, it's guilty as sin according to the rules set forth here, or not. Mind if I run a few of my ideas by you?
Yes, I remember your comment about smoking humanimals. And as a short side note, I'm not that "new" to the fandom (I just lurk alot.) A bit (okay, very) naive about how low it can go at times, but still not that new. And I have been on the Extinctioner clubs before (I'm psionicninja2000,) I just briefly left them in a huff during the unnecessary drama raised over Encyclopedia Alden.
I'd go into more detail on my own knowledge and opinions of the "vehicle action" controversy but I'll save that for a private message. Last thing I need is some furry drama.... Wait, on second thought give it to me! I can use the page views!
But man, maybe I should have been honest and titled this "Psion's top pet peeves of fanfiction" instead.
Still, you want to discuss ideas with me then go ahead. Maybe I'll have a few to discuss with you in turn.
I'd go into more detail on my own knowledge and opinions of the "vehicle action" controversy but I'll save that for a private message. Last thing I need is some furry drama.... Wait, on second thought give it to me! I can use the page views!
But man, maybe I should have been honest and titled this "Psion's top pet peeves of fanfiction" instead.
Still, you want to discuss ideas with me then go ahead. Maybe I'll have a few to discuss with you in turn.
Oh, I know you're not a 'new' extinctioners fan, I was strictly referring to the Extinctioners Adult content, the latest stuff of which you may not know of since you recently joined the group. What's this "vehicle action" controversy, anyway? I missed that one... I don't think I paid much attention to the Encyclopedia Alden group.
Mary Sues are hard. On one hand even the "hero" has flaws but then we wouldn't have them if they didn't eventually overcome their flaws. On the other hand, yes I agree that characters who are just plain invincible are a annoyance of the highest level. I have run into a few and they really did piss me off.
As for the rules... well, they're more "guidelines."
As for the rules... well, they're more "guidelines."
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