All the post-TF folks among us can relate to getting dragged onto a local-access television interview program at one point or another, right?

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After this year’s online ShifterCon, I joined the Post-TF Discord. It's a great server for folks interested in post-TF discussions. They have a channel dedicated to “The Survey”, a quick little six question get-to-know-you quiz.

Like a lot of folks, I’ve been dealing with a bit of writer’s block in early November of 2024 given the ~everything~ happening in the US right now. I decided to treat The Survey like a creative writing prompt to try and get out of that rut. I worked the questions into some light public access interview banter with a recently transformed satyr. It turned out long enough that I figured I’d toss up here as a scrap as well.

I hope you enjoy! This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons is completely coincidental, baah!

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The Post-TF Survey Prompt:

If you wake up tomorrow spontaneously turned into your fursona:

1. How do you have the conversation with friends and family when they find out you're no longer human?
2. How do you wear normal clothes?
3. How's the chair sitting situation?
4. How is traveling in cars or planes?
5. How has your diet changed?
6. What would your immediate reaction after the change? How would those first 24 hours play out?

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Welcome back to The Survey! Your leading source for local stories from around the city! Today we’re got an interview of mythical proportions! We’re chatting with a young man who recently turned into an honest to goodness satyr. We invited Herefore Hooves over to our set for a quick chat to see how things are going for him.

Hello there Mr. Hooves. Thanks for taking some time to sit down with us and share details about your transformative experience. I'm sure you can imagine there's a lot of folks who are still curious about the process. It's been a little over a month now, right? What was it like spontaneously waking up as a satyr? How did your friends and family-

Baah-haha. Oh man, let me stop you right there. There was nothing "spontaneous" about the process. I got on the wait list the moment elective gene re-sequencing was open to the public. It took a little over two years before I was finally approved? Let alone getting the operation done. And I think that's just because they wanted more experience with hoofed patients? Seriously, in the time I was on my waitlist, my health care company actually updated their policies to cover a portion of the procedure. Do you know how fast HMOs move?

Fair enough! But the actual process was relatively spontaneous, right?

Oh, yeah. It resembles outpatient surgery. You show up to the hospital on Friday night, get put into a medically induced coma, and spend pretty much all of Saturday having your genes re-written. You really don't want to be awake when growing fur, shifting bones, and sprouting horns. The surprisingly long portion involves strapping your head into some truly bizarre looking electrical diodes. They accelerates the formation of some new mental pathways in your brain so you don't wake up with your body screaming at you about all your strange new senses. You finally wake back up on Sunday morning, and depending on the level of your changes you can go home in time for lunch. Just like that.

Was yours that straightforward?

Oh no, I spent the next two days in physical therapy re-learning how to walk. These things aren’t just like weird shoes. My legs are structured differently now. It’s a bit like always standing on your tip-toes? Just without any actual toes. I have to be aware of what material I’m clopping on, maintain my balance at all times, and watch where I step. You really don’t want to clop on someone’s foot.

Was it a difficult two days?

Not really? Honestly the physical therapists didn’t have much experience with hooves either. The mental reconditioning did most of the hard work. I stayed over the night so they could do a sleep study on people with ram horns, and to make sure everyone on staff got some time working with a hoofed patient. I think most people passing through PT still just need a quick lesson on paws.

That was nice of you. So you wobbily clop out of the hospital and then what? What were your first twenty-four hours like?

I hopped out of the hospital actually. I clop one hoof in front of the other when I’m indoors, but when I have the space outside I push off with both hooves and do this little hopping stride. It looks kind of like a bunny hop? Seriously, pull up a video on YouTube if you haven’t seen a goat or deer-person at a track field.

My partner drove me home, and we spent the rest of the morning trying to work out my clothes situation.

That was going to be my next question actually.

Baah, oh boy. Me and clothes don’t really get along? The doctors think it’s a psychosomatic thing. There’s nothing unique about goat fur that should make it excessively itchy, but I can’t bring myself to wear pants. I literally tore my blue jeans in half trying to kick them off.

Satyrs in classical art generally don’t wear much, and neither do I? We managed to find an over-shirt that I could tolerate. It doesn’t brush up against my tuff of chest fur if I leave it unbuttoned. I absolutely brutalized a pair of gym shorts trying to trim a tail hole in them.

That’s quite the fashion statement. What did you end up doing?

I saw a tailor! Baah-viously! There’s this gentleman with a fox tail downtown that specializes in post-human fashion. You should try to schedule an appointment before your operation, but he was able to see me short notice thankfully. The physical therapists were kind enough to give me his name. He ran me through a bunch of different options, and helped tailor me a few goat-friendly tail holes.

What have you ended up settling on?

I’m not really sure yet? This is probably TMI, but jockstraps are my go-to right now. He actually whipped up a loin cloth for me to try out. It’s nice, but I feel like I’ve clopped off the cover of a fantasy novel. I’ve ended up settling with this look for the time being.

What’s that for our readers at home?

Oh! Sorry! Right, you’re transcribing this too.

Hi! I’m a satyr? Half goat, half man. I’ve got a pair of furry brown goat legs from the waist down. Hooves, tail, shifted stance. The works. Above that I’m still pretty goaty? My torso’s got a lot of new hair, with a nice furry tuff on my chest. My fingers have hoof caps on them too. Yes, they are way too fun to fidget with. My head’s still pretty human, but I’ve got a full pair of goat ears and some nice ram horns.

I’m wearing a light green vest and a black leather kilt today. It’s my current sweet spot for modesty without being too itchy. I’ll begrudgingly put on an over-shirt or jacket during a cold day. Your producers asked me to dress casually, which is good because I haven’t exactly figured out formal wear yet.

Begrudgingly huh? What do you wear at home?

Oh! Nothing. A scarf if it’s chilly.

Mr. Hooves, are your teeth flat?

Baah? Oh! You bet. I’ve had to switch over to a vegetarian diet. Curries are my new best friend.

That’s quite the smile.

Thank you.

My glasses are the last big puzzle piece for me. My old pair don’t really balance on new ears properly. I’ve got a friend with a 3D printer who’s whipping up some test designs for me this weekend, but I may just have to learn how to use contacts.

So… There’s the chair question we ask everyone.

Right! Me and my tail have been getting along surprisingly well? It helps me keep my balance on these things. It takes a bit getting used to wearing your emotions on your sleeve, err, belt.

I do appreciate your set dressers going with opened backed chairs. I replaced all my chairs at home before getting the procedure done.

I doubt you’d be surprised how often we get that comment.

Baah-haha! I’m sure!

My goat tail isn’t as long as some of the other gene modded folks out there. I still prefer open-backed chairs or barstools, but I can manage pretty well. I’ve still got a nice plush sofa at home. Worst case scenario, I’m sometimes just literally on the edge of my seat. Fingers crossed, but I haven’t had any unfortunate run ins with a car door yet.

Hoof-fingers crossed! How do usually get on with car or air travel?

I haven’t done any air travel yet. I think being part goat has enhanced some of my natural skittishness. Commute-length trips in a car are generally fine, but I usually take the bus. Those chairs aren’t great either, but I can at least stand up on those rides.

I’ve got it pretty easy to be honest, but finding proper travel accommodations for gene modded individuals is still a huge issue. Only 42% of car manufacturers offer tail-accommodating options in their new vehicles, and even fewer have retrofit options for existing cars. I can’t stress how much Senate Bill 7 would really help with accommodations for the increasing population of post-human individuals out there.

Unsurprisingly, that’s a common refrain we hear as well. How has life been as a walking fantasy novel cover?

Baah, hey now!

I took the first day off work, naturally. It was a little surreal. After I had figured out the whole kilt situation, I just sort of… wandered around downtown?

I’ve walked around the park downtown dozens of times. Clopping around the park felt novel and familiar all at once.

So… Are you happy as a satyr Mr. Hooves?

Those loops around the lake were absolutely perfect. These hooves, this fur, the horns- Everything’s perfect.

Eventually I got hungry though. I stopped at a food truck and asked for a potato egg and cheese breakfast taco. You know what the guy behind the counter said?

What?

“You want salsa with that?” Ha!

He didn’t bat an eye?

Not at all. Don’t get me wrong, I get weird looks all the time. But no one makes too much fuss about it? Your neighbor’s a goat. Your mail person’s a cat. Who cares?

Well, I care. Immensely. I’ve never been happier.

It’s still the early days of gene spicing. Most of the time people see you covered in fur and assume you had some rare form of skin cancer that needed a fully rebooted genome to cure it. It’s still a little odd come come out and just say, nah, I just wanted hooves. You never know how people are going to react.

Mhmm, which brings me back to-

Baah! Right! Your first question!

How did your friends and family react?

Everyone’s been really positive about it thankfully.

My family was expecting the hoof conversation when the procedure opened up. I had some lousy feet. Now they all joke that I don’t have any more excuses to skip the family hiking trips.

The rest of the talk was a little trickier. If you’re going in for hooves, you might as well get the tail while you’re under. If you’re getting the tail. You might as well just change your legs entirely. If you’re going to be a goat from the waist down, it’s hard to justify just not getting the whole satyr package. You can try to explain your train of thought, but honestly, this is just who I wanted to be?

My work’s HR department is a little on edge. We’re still trying to find some business casual that works for both of us. My coworkers have been really nice about everything though. I tried to tell as many people as I could beforehand, but there’s always some colleague who gets caught off guard.

It’s funny. I try to describe how being a satyr was the right choice for me. I just never clicked with being human. I ramble on and on, eventually they all just start peering around behind me.

Everyone sees how much all this makes me wag, and they suddenly get it.

For your readers at home, I’m wagging right now.

Haha, it’s like a blur back there.

It’s got a mind of its own most of the time.

Do you have any parting advice for our viewers who might be considering their own change?

There’s all the usual advice. Get on the wait list early, think about the chairs in your life, that sort of thing. I assume you get those a lot so…

Come up with some new swears for your new form. People don’t really know how to deal with a flustered coworker who just bonked his horn into a door frame and is biting his tongue. Letting out a “Sweet Pan!” really helps diffuse the situation. It humanizes you, ironically. I hear “Cats Alive!” is making a come back too.

Huh, really? You’re not just getting our goat?

Sweet Pan, you really wanted to work that line in, huh?

Guilty as charged Herefore. It’ll really help when we’re cutting together the promo reel.

Baah!

That’s all the time we have for today! Thanks again for joining us Mr. Hooves! Until next time, this has been The Survey. Keep asking questions.