Hm. Late notice:

"Rachel won/lost" reads better.

Never fails, mark 'done' on something and an error will be found! Thanks, I'll let Goldie know (hopefully before shi adds it to hir site. )

Hmm, I'm finding it a bit curious that this particular story is set so far in front of James' story about Rachel. It makes me curious what this foxy lady was up to that time, since I find it a bit hard to believe that she decided to forgo all that excitement and travel that being a pilot offers.

This gives her lots of time to learn different trades – and gives James a bit more room to play because yes, we know she’s a hooker – but what else can she do? As I told James when I asked his permission to use Rachel, she didn’t strike me as a one trick pony (and the only reason that you’re seeing it here is because he liked the idea too. )

I was thinking along the lines of "What would make a skilled pilot drop that career and go back to the sex business?" After all, I can't see it being the money, since it's definitely easier to find a pretty girl than a good pilot -- especially with all Trekian medicine available to improve their bodies. I can't quite imagine it being a moonlighting job either, Rikki exudes class and a high class call-girl needs her network of contracts and regular patrons to find jobs worthy of her.

Actually, thinking about it, sparked an idea for a story, but it's very much non-canon (since it breaks one of Goldie's Chakatverse Big No-No's) and plays fast and loose with James' character. I'm going to drop it on Chakat Heaven as a sort of what-if play and possible idea source for everyone.

As someone else pointed out to me, it may be more of what she loves doing vs what she can do. I deliberately left James a lot of wiggle room; she’s his character after all. While she shows promise as a pilot, Chakat Smoke saw other potentials more in the direction we see her in in James’s story (of which he’s hinted there may be others to come!) And I know more than a few people that are doing things much ‘under’ their skill set because they ‘like’ it more. I know you’ve heard the expression, ‘money isn’t everything’.

(Which canon - and could you simply use a different fox? )

This is great!!!
One of the best storys of yours.

Glad you liked it. Now all I need to do is get a dozen others going/finished!

I wish you much vein

Oh! One more thing: You should be more careful dropping your characters in. Right now reading this story requires familiarity with your other ones to understand it fully, since some characters (Rock, Derrik, Blackrose.. pretty much everyone showing up at Grabbit&Growl) are just given speaking lines without a proper introduction, sometimes without even a description. While I don't think that explaining what Chakats or Caitians are is necessary, I believe that at least /some/ information on character's looks and relationship with Neal is in order when you turn the focus on them.

I understand that you don't want to fit in all details about each and every character that shows up - especially that it must feel teidious with such a large cast! - but at least adding a pertinent detail or two about their behaviour or looks would help add depth to their character. Take Blackrose as an example: shi definitely behaves very much out of character for an average chakat and giving a hint about hir unusual past might add some credibility to an extra that feels just weird right now.

And you needed to read Mother’s Pride to see some of the other past like Perez and Rock. Guess I should add a warning that you need to read the past stories to understand who’s who and why eight year olds can fly.

That’s because Blackrose isn’t ‘my’ creation, and hir back story means shi can’t/won’t act like a normal chakat cub. Why have you not seen hir back story in my tale you might ask? Because neither Neal nor Blackie ‘know’ of hir past at this point in my tale (the Traveler deity used Tess’s transporter to do the Oceanwalker process to produce what became Blackrose.)
Blackrose’s unknown past can be found at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/anthr.....les/Blackrose/ in Blackie_052410.doc

I was aware of whatever Blackrose's backstory as it was in those half-finished chapters of Folly laying around; this was enough. However it might be worth *hinting* why shi's acting so unlike any other chakat - perhaps by simple "hir past was shrouded in mistery" slipped in somewhere around hir lines.

Still, I think that the more unusual your character behaves given the racial background (which, more or less turned into furry stereotypes), the bigger the need of extra description and explanation behind person's motives.

I have enjoyed watching this story grow and work it's self into something more then you had intended it to become. Some people have helped in spotting little mistakes along the way. I think it has grown up very nicely! Who knows maybe it has more growing to come?

Femm