It seems pretty solid in it's structure. Only qualms I have are the lack of separation between the present and the recollections, and the format of the text file you used. Using UTF-8 should get rid of those question mark symbols. Some sort of space or divider between scenes would greatly help this piece.

I'm assuming this is only piece of the whole from somewhere in the middle?

First and Foremost thanks for commenting several of you have been very helpful in my endeavor.

I'll try that utf-8 thing you spoke of. I originally did the file in Microsoft word and saved it as such, but then later on I did a copy n paste into word pad so i could post it as a txt file so that people could just read it without downloading. I did all the default saves but it looked fine in word pad however after i posted the spaces between paragraphs where gone and my quotes became those diamond icons.

Hum i seemed to have failed in the attempt to actually start from the middle of the situation, in which she is answering the question. My goal was to have the past recollections feed the reader the situation and let the reader reach the conclusion that Epor, her mate was going to be paired with several females so he could sire some kits(children).

Do you have any suggestions as to how I should go about that paragraph/story structure?

I came to that conclusion quite nicely, actually. I only assumed that this was a bit from the middle of the story because there were no descriptions or elaborations on the characters themselves. We don't know who they are, what they are, (aside from the Vampire) or what they're history is. We're not even sure what the setting is. We know that it's in some sort of kingdom, but whether it's in a castle or anything is unclear. The key is details, not enough can leave a reader with more questions than information, so make sure you mention them. You can get away with withholding everything but the basics and add stuff as you go through the story, but only if you do it correctly.

But even so, what you have is quite good. Just remember to add the spaces between the paragraphs in wordpad; that would be a big improvement in readability.

i was going with the less is more (attempting to focus on the situation)but your right about the reader being left out of the environment. I write as if I'm watching a movie and it tended to be from a 3rd person(?) point of view so then I tried focusing on what the character Riva was thinking/saying to keep it 1st person. I'm not sure how to find the balance between the two. Would it be better to start with a description of the scene or make it an after the situation is over explanation?

Oh Also is there a way to update this txt file post or do i need to repost under a different one?

You usually want to describe the scene either before or as things are happening. I think in this case it would be better to add details as you go along, but not random points. Like for example, you start talking about the Lady, you start describing her. You start talking about her husband, you start describing him. And they don't even have to be lengthy explanations, all they need to do is to give us a better impression of them. Like what species are they, what color eyes and/or hair they have, etc. Just one or three details would take this story a lot farther.

As for updating, you'll want to select the 'Change Submission file' button under the 'add to favorites' menu. There you can upload an updated text file to the submission.

I needed that direction, cuz frankly i would have started to just describe the look of the room and set an atmosphere and i think I would have lost the characters idea in the process. I'll baby step.

I'm going to touch up my WIP and repost it shortly using all the advice my Fellow writers have shared with me. Hope to hear from you all again soon!

M'kay, cool.

I rearranged the story a bit to Incorporated more of the world around them and added a few more touches. When ya got time let me know what you think!

Much, much better. No masterpiece, but there's been significant improvement here. Though I should have said earlier that mixing perspectives is considered a no-no in the writer's world. You'll want to stick with one, either 1st or 3rd person. It's usually quite simple to switch everything to one perspective; all you have to do is change the pronouns and verbs around a bit. Like instead of, 'I pondered,' go with 'She pondered.' It is also quite possible to get inside their head without being in their head, i.e. you can still tell us what she's thinking, just make sure that you use 'she's' thinking rather than 'I think.'

But as I said, very big improvement. Well done.

Ooh, I like this very much. Big words, creativity. I don't write much, and this is way better than me for sure. Though, in my opinion, there should be more space between paragraphs. When I took web design, I learned that it's easier to read when there are more space between lines.

I also found out, for stories, if a certain character is speaking you can change their font colour. It helps keep track.

The story is amazing though. Yet sad. I can relate to this because a am too a female who cannot bare children. v.v

I'm very sorry that your in a similar situation and I really appreciate that you took the time to comment.

as I noted above I did a cut n paste and something got lost in the save trans from Ms Word to word pad txt format. There's no Preview feature when posting so i didn't know.

Never tried the font color trick before, but if you did it to much wouldn't it look like a chat log?

Coolies I'm glad you like how this is going. i'm unsure how to go about the next part since she is basically gonna knock the choices down to 3 females. Cheetarins are cheetah morphs/anthros and they judge by scent first then sight and other senses.

I'm not sure how to describe someone as smelling ambitious, Kind or powerful.

Any suggestions?

Females I would assume have a flower fragrance, maybe water, or grass. Someone kind, I think would have a flower, like a tulip, while someone with power may have the scent of metal, or something stern, maybe bark from an oak tree, sweet, yet strong. I'm just throwing out ideas, I'm not the best at this stuff. ^^;

I've always found it interesting trying to describe emotion as a scent. What does happy smell like? I mean animals in nature pickup on these kinds of scents and energy all the time, reading their masters. Thanks a lot for those ideas ill try to incorporate them as well. Hehe on a side note, when a female cheetarin is going into heat she smells of almonds (chapu as Epor's people would call it.)

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I've tried writing scented letters in story form before. Not in the sense of perfumes and such. But that smelling the scent on a page would transport ya to said place: IE...

I opened the letter that was sealed with a kiss, blessed by the touch of his blacked rimmed lips. An Lo there in was a parchment embraced as one would have their lover on a cold winter's night. To my surprise there where no words of adoration inscribed, no flattery or charm hence. Merely the words, breath deeply with closed eyes.

The scent of the fields; of wild grasses and open sky flooded my senses. The hint of a summers breeze and the glowing warmth of a nearby star tickled my whiskers. All i could do was laugh with joy at such wonderment.

Yet as my nose knows it found another familiar scent. Twas a juxtapose titillation of wine, cheese, fruits and flesh of beasts. A subtle hint of musk permeating from a cool dark place with a hint of a pleasurable smile.

Eyes opened, i giggled blissfully to myself. A dinner invitation. I'll see you soon my beloved.

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Wow, I really like this. It makes me feel like I'm there, the words described so greatly.

come and see how your good advice has influenced my work. Let me know what ya think.

Sorry, I was busy, let me read your last comment. ^^

I reposted over the older story, rearranging how the order of info was put out and spaced it better.

Oooh, okay, let me read. owo

Oh wow, this... this is awesome. I truly feel like I'm there, taking in the scent. Keep going with this story, it is awesome.

I'll let you know when i post more. Till then adieu good lady

This is very nice. Your style is very intresting. Like cheetahs, writers never have the same spots. WIPs all have their hiccups and you clean up quite nicely. I look forward toyour other tales.

thanks for your input its truly appreciated