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Ughhhh....
Okay, LOAS Ch.1 that works as a txt file.
Man, I hate Microsoft works.
Anyway, this si the preliminary chapter, hence the lack of length
Okay, LOAS Ch.1 that works as a txt file.
Man, I hate Microsoft works.
Anyway, this si the preliminary chapter, hence the lack of length
Category Story / All
Species Western Dragon
File Size 5.7 kB
*chuckles and shakes his head* Oh boy, here we go... *takes a deep breath*
...Well apart from the obvious - shall we call it 'inspiration'? - you got from my stuff (I should probably feel honored, but somehow... no), you need to put some kind of barrier between the BG info and the actual story; like a line of continuous underscores, or something. Secondly, you've got a good head for fight scenes, but your plot advancement technique needs some serious work, as does your overall writing style. Third, you really need to pick up a thesaurus and increase your vocabulary; I'm not saying the one you have now is bad, I'm just saying that sometimes using the same word to describe a situation several times in a row can bore a reader. Fourthly (is that even a word?), you really need to pick up on your descriptive text; a good fight scene containing all the events you (sort of) described should take up a good page or two, not a single paragraph. Make a little movie in your heead and then just describe what you see in as much detail as possible, that's what I do. Also, there were numerous errors in this such as spelling and whatnot, which you'll need to fix in subsequent chapters. Of course, such errors are to be expected when using .txt files, so try typing in Microsoft Word instead (just be sure to save as a .doc file. There's a drop-down menu at the bottom of the 'Save-As' popup that lets you choose what format to save in). Keep practicing and read as much as possible in order to improve your style, otherwise you're going to get about as many views here as a video of our dear Commander in Chief explaining the finer points of nuclear physics. Capiche? Good. Oh, and before I forget, make sure to edit everything. Spend fifteen minutes or so after you finish writing to go over and re-read everything, checking for discontinuities, spelling/grammar mistakes, or anything you feel you could have described better. Then make the necessary changes and save it again.
I wouldn't be telling you all this if I wasn't your friend, you know. I really want to see you to get better and possibly even become as skilled and popular as me one day...
...No, seriously, I do... ...Stop looking at me like that! *runs away*
...Well apart from the obvious - shall we call it 'inspiration'? - you got from my stuff (I should probably feel honored, but somehow... no), you need to put some kind of barrier between the BG info and the actual story; like a line of continuous underscores, or something. Secondly, you've got a good head for fight scenes, but your plot advancement technique needs some serious work, as does your overall writing style. Third, you really need to pick up a thesaurus and increase your vocabulary; I'm not saying the one you have now is bad, I'm just saying that sometimes using the same word to describe a situation several times in a row can bore a reader. Fourthly (is that even a word?), you really need to pick up on your descriptive text; a good fight scene containing all the events you (sort of) described should take up a good page or two, not a single paragraph. Make a little movie in your heead and then just describe what you see in as much detail as possible, that's what I do. Also, there were numerous errors in this such as spelling and whatnot, which you'll need to fix in subsequent chapters. Of course, such errors are to be expected when using .txt files, so try typing in Microsoft Word instead (just be sure to save as a .doc file. There's a drop-down menu at the bottom of the 'Save-As' popup that lets you choose what format to save in). Keep practicing and read as much as possible in order to improve your style, otherwise you're going to get about as many views here as a video of our dear Commander in Chief explaining the finer points of nuclear physics. Capiche? Good. Oh, and before I forget, make sure to edit everything. Spend fifteen minutes or so after you finish writing to go over and re-read everything, checking for discontinuities, spelling/grammar mistakes, or anything you feel you could have described better. Then make the necessary changes and save it again.
I wouldn't be telling you all this if I wasn't your friend, you know. I really want to see you to get better and possibly even become as skilled and popular as me one day...
...No, seriously, I do... ...Stop looking at me like that! *runs away*
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