Its good to see this again. In catching up, you begin switching tense in chapter 5 which is usually a big no no. You usually want to stay in past tense as present leads to goofey grammar and telling without some complicated maneuvers which is a writers duty to avoid.

The environmental work here is beautiful and a strong element of your writing. Great scenes.

The newest mass habit impacting writers to watch out for: Splitting dialogue in a single sentence.

"“Why!” Johannes exclaims, “She’ll die if we don’t save her! Why is she running into the," her voice cracks at the end.

“Why!” Johannes exclaims. “She’ll die if we don’t save her! Why is she running into the ," her voice cracks at the end.

Close the sentence with the tag before starting dialogue again as it is a new sentence.

Still, good to see you writing.

Its good to see this again. In catching up, you begin switching tense in chapter 5 which is usually a big no no. You usually want to stay in past tense as present leads to goofey grammar and telling without some complicated maneuvers which is a writers duty to avoid.

Oh damn, thank you Helix, you caught that and I'll make the correction! My brother is a writer and we'll talk about writing in past tense and present tense, and he's very much in the present tense camp, so he's convinced me to try it out and it's been an ongoing experiment.

The environmental work here is beautiful and a strong element of your writing. Great scenes.

Thank you! I do try particularly hard to develop the scenes the characters interact in, so you noticing is pretty encouraging.

The newest mass habit impacting writers to watch out for: Splitting dialogue in a single sentence.

"“Why!” Johannes exclaims, “She’ll die if we don’t save her! Why is she running into the," her voice cracks at the end.

“Why!” Johannes exclaims. “She’ll die if we don’t save her! Why is she running into the ," her voice cracks at the end.

Close the sentence with the tag before starting dialogue again as it is a new sentence.

Ah, I winced at this when you pointed it out. Thank you, this will help me catch those mistakes. This has been helpful constructive criticism, will make some changes when I pick up the story again!

You can do present tense, but it needs a lot of cultivation and something called frames to work well which are lacking here. Without frames it leads to a lot of issues fast.

Yeah that last point is throughout a lot of the dialogue. A weird habit that some reason is wide spread now. Your not the only one doing it.