this is more than a year old but I STILL LIKE IT so i'm spreading morty around the internet like a PLAGUE, you guys. c: my undead forensic pathologist. the corpse-kicker corpse! and he ain't lying about the tommy gun.

(copypasta from the dA submission, GO)

theodore francis moriarty (don't call him ted)
# jan. 13, 1901
died: 1926, whilst bootlegging
returned: during the autopsy
nowadays: works in the city morgue
likes: big band jazz, the movie 'babe', alcoholic beverages (and they're LEGAL now!)
dislikes: football season, being mistaken for a pushover, how it takes a year for any minor injury to heal, being asked about the great potato famine, that stupid lucky charms mascot
-good sense of humour, unless threatened; when necessary, will whip out the intimidation so hard it'll punch your own sainted mother in the face
-retains an unsettling amount of 'useless' criminal skills/knowledge which never ceases to startle his friends ("no, that wouldn't be practical. if you REALLY wanted to get out with all the money in a robbery like that, you'd need...")
-does a bizarrely good bugs bunny impression