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i was gonna leave a vague description about this but i decided not to this time.
at the time im writing this its about 4:10 AM Saturday. ive basically been awake since 10 AM Thursday, unless you want to count me sleeping for 2 hours on thursday and another 2 hours on Friday, but I hardly count it considering I was conscious the entire time. ive only ate one meal during this time span and it was very difficult to consume. ive had a fever for i dont know how many hours, but at the least 12 hours, possibly more. along with this and piles of personal problems, you could easily say that im not in the least bit in a stable mind set right now.
but that doesnt excuse me for what ive done. and what ive done, i cant even remember. i became so weak that my anger overtook me and turned me into the monster. i lashed out and became absolutely mad, greedy, and pretty much all of the signs of schizophrenia...at least thats what i was told. i dont remember. all i can remember is that i was talking to my friend and then suddenly the person i care about the most telling me to go back over what i just did. so i did.
and i was horrified.
what i saw wasnt me at all. i couldnt have wrote that. but i did, it was right there in front of me. what i was writing looked like the words of a lunatic, but it came from me. these hands that have built so much over ages of time changed form and became destructive.
and for once i understand why people are so scared of me.
my temper and how easily i break from my reality in rage.
and to think i was getting better. heh. wrong.
i put so much on the line in the last few hours. and im ashamed. i deserve every last bit of punishment for the awful things i said, even if i didnt mean them at all. there is no excuse or justification for what i said. the only thing i can say if that i dont remember any of it and im clearly in poor condition right now and just hope that means something, but i wont blame it if it doesnt.
ive learned one thing though, im going to try my fucking hardest to never let that forbidden side of me out again. the only thing i have left is my word
but i dont think that means much to anyone anymore.
at the time im writing this its about 4:10 AM Saturday. ive basically been awake since 10 AM Thursday, unless you want to count me sleeping for 2 hours on thursday and another 2 hours on Friday, but I hardly count it considering I was conscious the entire time. ive only ate one meal during this time span and it was very difficult to consume. ive had a fever for i dont know how many hours, but at the least 12 hours, possibly more. along with this and piles of personal problems, you could easily say that im not in the least bit in a stable mind set right now.
but that doesnt excuse me for what ive done. and what ive done, i cant even remember. i became so weak that my anger overtook me and turned me into the monster. i lashed out and became absolutely mad, greedy, and pretty much all of the signs of schizophrenia...at least thats what i was told. i dont remember. all i can remember is that i was talking to my friend and then suddenly the person i care about the most telling me to go back over what i just did. so i did.
and i was horrified.
what i saw wasnt me at all. i couldnt have wrote that. but i did, it was right there in front of me. what i was writing looked like the words of a lunatic, but it came from me. these hands that have built so much over ages of time changed form and became destructive.
and for once i understand why people are so scared of me.
my temper and how easily i break from my reality in rage.
and to think i was getting better. heh. wrong.
i put so much on the line in the last few hours. and im ashamed. i deserve every last bit of punishment for the awful things i said, even if i didnt mean them at all. there is no excuse or justification for what i said. the only thing i can say if that i dont remember any of it and im clearly in poor condition right now and just hope that means something, but i wont blame it if it doesnt.
ive learned one thing though, im going to try my fucking hardest to never let that forbidden side of me out again. the only thing i have left is my word
but i dont think that means much to anyone anymore.
Category Cel Shading / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 376 x 700px
File Size 85.5 kB
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