Edit: Thanks for the nice notes/comments. I Promise cross my heart and hope to cry I'll be OK. The worst thing I EVER do when I'm depressed and a zombie is go back to bed. I promise I'm eating, and drinking, and making healthy choices. Your boy has been working his ASS OFF with CBT and redirection, even without a therapist. TAKE THAT DEPRESSION. You may have hands but I have some fucking books to throw back, bitch.
Promise I'll be ok, I just needed to complain into the void. (I didnt realize you guys were in there, my bad,)

I'm so tired of feeling like a zombie. I can't remember anything. I can't focus on anything. My brain is TV static.
I want to give up on art, I have given up on art. I give up on art.
I will never make a comic, I will never finish anything, I can't remember anything. I can't focus on anything. I don't even want to do anything.
To my very core I believe this. I like to pretend I don't and smile and say: "It'll work out, I'll work hard, I just need to be patient with myself." But patience is lazyness, fear, and discouragement. I have no patience, I'm just lazy.

I see no world in which I finish or make anything of any substance beyond doodles. I never have.

How people write books, make comics, make movies, finish a task, get dressed, enjoy going out, enjoy meeting people, enjoy outdoors, enjoy hobbies, play and complete video games, finish books, or complete any task is unfathomable. How do you have time to do that, how do you have focus? I feel like I spend all my time on just the basics I can't do anything. My priorities are wrong, my schedule is wrong, I can't follow through on things.

My motivation is gone, my desire to improve is gone, my creative heart is dead. "I just need to get through this week." but the week never ends.

I can't sit and enjoy video games, and havent for ages. I dont even think I like them anymore. I dont like anything. I cant read my favorite comics, I cant play games, I hate sitting and watching movies and shows. I hate sitting down and reading comics, I hate talking to people in person for long conversations, I just want to leave and rest.

Maybe my mom was right, I am lazy, I do half-ass jobs, I can't keep anything clean or in order. Not my house and not my cluttered mind.

I'll be fine. I always am. I'm just tired, the only thing I'll do is complain and take a nap.
I can't make anything. I'm so frustrated.