This is some update about my personal life, you don't have to read it.

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There's bit much I want to say, so it may sound confusing and flustrated.
In this past 3 weeks I had my reconstruction surgery, in Thailand, where I can finally look in the mirror and smile.
It was rough recovery, but finally I can say I found peace with myself in life.

After long painful journey, started from medical error 10 years ago, my face got deformed with tumors, my medical support was rejected cuz this country saw me as a "dead case". I had to work while studying to save up for my surgery, so much stress, depression, distress.

I was all alone, gave up few times along the way, but kept getting back up, during those 10 years, first I lost my face, my voice and then my father, things kept getting worse and worse.
I was at a point where I just wanted my life to end. Yet I found myself getting back up again.

Those long cold nights in the loneliness of the hospital room. Finally are over.
When I was discharged, in my hotel room. Still recovering from anesthesia but I was awake, when I wake up from my sleep I would think about my dad, what is he doing right now? He must be worried about me watching TV. It takes me a moment to realize he passed away 5 years ago. It kept happening for a while. I felt so much yearning for my parents.

I took what left of travel days to cheer up and enjoy my time. I can finally enjoy my life, even after losing so much, I'll try and smile again.

Cuz of how cruel life was on me, how is everyone is just pure toxic and never gave a shit. I decided to abandon my kindness the same way. Yeah I wasn't nice but things still gets to me sometimes.
I use Google translator to talk to Thai people, and one young woman working in a small booth was pressing on the play button to hear what written in Thai, I realized she couldn't read, that hit me deep.

There are people like me, they have dreams, and they know they will never achieve their dreams, she looked so alive and full of dreams, so sad.
I felt like crying, I've been crying, and emotionally unstable these past couple weeks.
This fucking life, is the world really that small that we have to hurt others in order to live on?

.......
So much going on in my head.
I just arrived back at this cursed country and settling down.
I'll resume posting and share more pictures of my travel later.

As for the future, I still plan on doing more streams.
I'll try to get a better tablet, and will try "Let's build Gundam" stream, where we can chat and have fun.

And of course moving out, as sad as it is, I'll have to leave my mom alone, I don't want to but I can't live in a country where I've to be in the closet, or even post something on the net without feeling threatened, a place where it destroyed my dreams, my ambition, my life.
My mom, despite living with her this long, she never accepted me, and always felt ashamed of me. I know she loves me and I can feel her love, but she choose her social image over me.

so far all my tries, every place I contact to help me as refugee or immigrate got ignored, those waving LGBT flag and claim of supporting are nothing but lies, the only thing work in their site are the donation links. The UNHR treated me as infected zombie and wouldn't even let me in the building.

Canada and the US are the only countries which seems would take refugees in as country and not fake organization, living in the US is tough, Canada is better but I wish to be somewhere in Asia where it's peaceful and quiet.

If anyone knows any info about site or places takes refugees please share.

I hope what left of my days in this life brings me peace and happiness at last.
Thanks for reading.
[ In the picture: Me after removing the sutures in the hospital]