Even when I'm far
You know I'm always there with you
And through this all
You know that you're the reason
In everything I do
It's all for you
You know that you're my reason in life
It's all for you


He always insisted I showed him the presents on the day in question. Anniversary, Valentine's or birthday art. But... I can't really show him anymore so...
Plus, it never stopped me from posting them to my galleries. He doesn't use the art sites, so there was never a concern he'd see anything.

...

I haven't decided how my magical world is going to be affected by this. So it'll be a lot of OOC art until I figure it all out. And OOC Flickie is a ghost or something now. While he (probably) enjoys being a ghost, he would rather be alive with her.

...

Please don't tell me to move on. That won't happen. I'd rather be miserable forever than to leave him behind.
I'm terrified. I want to go where he is. Whatever that means.
I've been to the psyche ward because of my suicide ideation. I had that problem before he died, but it's... enhanced.
I need help. But idk how to ask. I don't know what to say.
The best thing anyone can do for me now is ask me questions about my husband. It's the only way I know how to be near him.
If you wanna help, feel free to dm me. I know how to carry a conversation, I just don't know how to start one. My Discord is CattStarr #4359 and is probably the best way to poke me.
While I know it's well meaning, telling me the door is open to chat is vague to me. I'm spiraling harder than I've ever spiraled. And I've always been a huge mess for anyone to deal with. I was more comfortable spiraling with my husband (though I also felt bad doing it) but now... I just don't know how to communicate with people anymore.
I've never wanted to die more, but I promised Flickie that the cats would have a good home and tbh I don't want anyone to feel what I feel. But I do believe we belong together.
I have a thousand other issues before he died that crippled me. I won't be returning to work but idk if I can get on Disability. Government is making it seemingly impossible no matter what my doctors and lawyers say. I hate this. I hate everything.
I have too many regrets for my marriage but the least I can say is that nothing was left unsaid. He left me with no secrets, and everything forgiven between us. We were always quick to fix our issues, no matter how big.
Of course, there so much I want to tell him... but it's just what I've been through since he's been gone.
I want to hug him. When I linger here, it's the most tempting to just kms.
He was a good person. Too good for this world, and definitely too good for me. I'm a villain.
There's an evil inside me that I tried to protect him from. Sometimes to no avail.
We had more good days than bad, but I often worried about the damage I've done. Intentionally and not.
But we laughed so hard. I've never laughed as hard with anyone else. And it was often. He loved telling me jokes and I loved returning fire.
I refuse to take him away from my fursona. She deserves to be happy. She's a better version of me. He's unchanged.

...

OK I rambled enough. If you read all that, you are a trooper. And I cannot thank you enough.