Two questions:

[...] the three cats (who more or less adopted her upon moving in) [...] Is that supposed to be that way around? (Because it'd be adorable if it is.)

You've mentioned that Chi-val feathers[...] trap water on the surface and keep them damp to combat the unbearable heat.Does this cool them via evaporation, like sweating, or does the water act as e.g. a heat sink so that they heat up slower?


Criticism (since you asked for it):

Overall, the text reads like an accompanying piece to e.g. an rpg-character rather than a literary text, which is perfectly appropriate for the goal you set out to achieve (I assume).

The subject and narrative itself is coherent and makes sense.

The sections themselves are well structured. The sentences are concise and meaningful; the reader's attention isn't squandered.
The only nit-pick I have with the overall structure is, that, in my opinion, "Avalon and The ORACLE AI" should follow directly after "The Illuminate"; as it is now, it's a bit of a thematic jump from the Illuminate to Chi-Deh and then back to Avalon/the Illuminate again.

Grammatical criticism:
Fundamentally, the grammar is fine. There are a few places where some better punctuation would make the text easier to read by either marking subclauses or splitting long sentences.
Spelling is... acceptable. _{(To be honest, at points I was unsure whether or not some typos were intentional or not.)}
Now, none of these mistakes actually make the text hard or uncomfortable to read nor do they distract from the subject of the text or distort semantics in any way (I think). But they are still technically mistakes.
_{(I'm not going to get the red pen and mark every mistake (unless you want me to).)}

However, take the above with a grain of salt as I myself am neither a writer nor have I English as my first language, too. I may also be biased, obviously.

To conclude: I think that the text is written more than decent. It has a certain natural flair to it and it's noticeable that you've, as cliché as it sounds, put "love" into it; it's full of personality, just like your art.

I hope I wasn't too harsh or have gone overboard.

Ohh thank you was honestly waiting for this type of criticism haha well lemme adress everything to the best of my abilities

1. yes so like the idea is that the cats essentially broke into her place and adopted her , they just wouldn’t no matter what she’d do to shoo them and eventually partly through them, a change of scenery and newly made buddies she „heals“ from the ordeals

bit of the idea is inspired by a childhood book of a former drug addict guy who one day while tryna rehabilitate got a cat who broke into his apartment and with its help managed to overcome his struggles , its a real story too alas cant recall the name of the story just that sadly mortality catched up with the kitter, the author still lives think he adopted a new cat from a shelter?.

2. Not sure how its called if im being honest it might be a bit of both, the idea is that it essentially stays damp and keeps them cool for a period of time and just eventually from the heat exposure evaporates, couldnt really call it sweating as the water source would be external. The idea came to me randomly and funny enough it does exist in nature, a desert bird species „Sandgrouse“ apperently do that just not to stay cool but to transport water to their nests hope that answers it somewhat.

Onto critiscims
Actually not sure how to really adress it i feel il sound try hard in „nu uh actually my intentions were..“ but will still try so:
I have to agree on the whole Avalon section should’ve come after the Illuminate section and tbh the only reason it got structured like that was more because it kinda like was after thought-ish as way after writing the bulk of the pretext up I realised that most not so deeply involved in Avali stuff wouldn’t even know wtf Avalon is and therefore went to add it but hah yeah messed the order up a bit

On grammar, punctuation, spelling:
Yeah aint gonna suger coat it im still quite uhh uneducated? On it, like I only have a small sense of whatever is leftover from my school times about it not to mention was heavily relying on whatever word told me is correct in which cases it would somehow mess the sentence up even more (lol)
Nd as much as Id appreciate getting it marked up like in the good ol school days haha nah don’t torture yourself like that
Il find a solution to improve it somehoww

Thanks for the criticism! Thus was very insightful and I’ll try my best to keep it in mind in (the very likely) case I do more writing based stuffs

Sandgrouses transporting water for their young in their plumage... What evolution won't come up with...
And, yeah, it makes sense that the water would obviously work as a heat sink first and then cool via evaporation.


I'd lie if I claimed that I wasn't guilty of messing up structure or even grammar when going back to adapt paragraphs or sentences, too.
"That'd read better that way" I think and change a word or ten whilst completely forgetting to appropriately adapt the rest of the sentence. And then the sentence makes no sense when reading it in full.
It's easy to forget what's around a paragraph when retroactively adding one in. Doubled information, weird order, messed up continuity...


And don't beat yourself up like that about your English! I've read much, much worse. For one, I don't have to read your sentences multiple times to just get an idea on what exactly is written. Once suffices.
As I said, none of your mistakes actually worsen the text itself. Almost all are also pretty easy to fix. For example, capitalization:

In English, generally only the first word in a sentence, names (like Camilla, London, Africa, Tuesday, German (yes, weekdays, months, countries, planets (e.g. "Earth is covered in earth" or "the Sun is bright today") and languages are technically names.)), acronyms (like PC, AI, BIOS, VR, etc.), and "I" (as in "I, myself") are capitalized. (Of course, exceptions apply.)
What I've noticed is that you tended to capitalize many nouns. You've also often capitalized the "the" in a name (which depends on whether or not the "the" is actually part of the name. E.g. is the military called "Talons" or "The Talons"?).

And regarding punctuation: At most points you barely have to change the actual sentence, you just have to actually place the comma or dot.

For actual spelling, missing or mixed letters and stuff, Word is pretty good.

As I stated, most everything is a pretty trivial fix.


(Although, to be honest, I did chuckle a bit when I read "degrees cell". It's either "°C", "degrees Celsius", or "degrees centigrade".)

I do actually have time to go through and mark/correct any mistake I find over the next day or two. "Ain't no biggie." ;)
(Again, grain of salt, not my first language, too.)
_{(If I'm allowed to ask: What is your native language? You obviously don't have to answer that (publicly) if you don't want to.)}

Good to read that you may write more, I'm looking forward to it.

Oh ahhh thanks for that needed it ngl and heh maybe it’s guessable but my native language is German , my brain must’ve defaulted to some of those rules to some extent at least (random capitulation of nouns for example brain seeing them as Nomen with Artikel so adding that way of writing)
And thank you for all this honesty really sweet of you to care so muchh

Da gab's durchaus hie und da Hinweise aufs Deutsche... Deshalb hatte ich auch gefragt; bin nämlich auch Deutsch-Muttersprachler. Entsprechend kann man dann die Sprachbarriere beim sprechen übers Englische umgehen.

(Und, mit Rückblick auf die Uhrzeit der gestrigen Kommentare: Mein Beileid zum Schlafzyklus (unter Annahme, dass Sie auch in Europa wohnen), hab damit leider auch viel zu viel Erfahrung...)

Auch nee ist nicht so wild mein Schlaf Rhythmus ist eh im Eimer, war es schon immer haha und ehrlich gesagt gibt es kaum eine sprach Barrier.

Englisch hatte ich seit der 2. Klasse zwar ist mein schreiben, Grammatik etc (wie du schon gesehen hast haha)
nicht das beste aber Ich kann es halt fast so gut wie ein Muttersprachler verstehen

Also in anderen Worten mir macht es nichts aus mit welcher Sprache du mich ansprechen würdest ick kann dik güt verstehen :3

Wenn man früh in der Schule schon mit Englisch angefangen hat und dann zusätzlich im Internet aufwächst wird Englisch sowieso fast schon zur zweiten Muttersprache. Da muss man fast schon aufpassen nicht ins tiefste Denglisch abzurutschen.
Aber wie wichtig einem Rechtschreibung ist muss jeder selbst wissen, vor allem für z.B. Kommentare wie hier. Hat alles seine Vor- und Nachteile; Rechtschreibung kostet Zeit, "Fehler" fügen Persönlichkeit hinzu.
Hauptsache man versteht sich gegenseitig klar genug.

Naja, dann will ich mal hier nicht weiter die Kommentare zuballern. Ich guck bis zum Wochenende mal über den Text und kontaktier dich dann wieder per Direktnachricht (wenn das in Ordnung ist).

Geht klar joa und danke und viel Glück mit der Korrektur ^^

BIEERR