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More from HikariShade
Tonight my mom got a hold of me to let me know that my cat Patches finally passed away.
She had been slowly declining for a while now, and Ive been calling home constantly, hoping she would start to pull through.. but this afternoon she finaly faded at home, with my mother and brother beside her.
I feel so.. torn.. and guilty. The last words I whispered to her was that I would be back to see her as soon as I could... That was two years ago. And I wasnt there in her final moments.
I was thirteen years old, riding home from my grandmothers on my bike, when I saw two girls, about ages five and six, playing with these two kittens. I stopped my bike because I wanted to see them, and they informed me that the little spotted one couldnt walk. I put the kitten down and sure enough, one of her back legs wasnt working. I asked if I could take her to make her better and they agreed, she was a stray. I tried to catch her sister but she wasnt hurt and escaped. I put the little hurt kitten into my backpack and rode the whole way home, with her crying in my backpack.
I brought her home and showed her to my mom who was talking with my brother's best friend who was trying to convince her to take in a pair of kittens someone on the street had dumped. Low and behold, I now had one of the kittens, hurt. My mother didnt have much choice at that point.
We brought her to the vets, and a few x-rays later, it was confirmed she had a broken pelvis. She had been clipped by a car according to the girls.
Surgery, the vet told us, would be far too expensive, and with special care she could heal just fine on her own. So I took her home, kept her as still as could be, and would slowly work and excersize her leg as her pelvis healed as the doctor told us to, to keep her leg from atrophying. I still remember the first night home, trying to find her, only to spy her hiding under my mothers nightside table.
From that point on she was my everything. It was with her I cried against at night when things went bad. It was her I whispered all my secrets too. She slept with me every night, would gently paw at my face with carefuly sheathed claws to make sure she knew I was there. And like in the picture above, she made sure to let me know who was more important between her and the computer.
She was my solid rock through my teenage and begining adult years. It was her, and only her, that kept me from suicide so many, many times, afraid of what would happen to her if I wasnt there to take care of her.
When I moved to Maryland, she went with me, and came back to my mothers when the situation in Maryland fell appart. Its only the last four years that I havent had her at my side, because I couldnt afford to fly her to where I am living now.
It has hurt me so much not having her here. I kept promising her, every time I saw her, that I would try and get her here.. but it just never happened. And she was starting to get really old and I couldnt bare to uproot and upset her again.
But I loved her.. so much. I would still constantly dream about bringing her here... of having her with me. And I never did.. and it aches... I feel like I somehow betrayed her.. despite knowing how happy and well cared for she was.
I have my cat Sparta here with me now (Aka Monster, Aka Baby). And he is my love and my life (aside from my mate) but Patches was my first personal pet.. the first one who was mine, and only mine.. who loved me and showed it in every small purr, meow, pawtouch and rub. And that space that had her THERE is now a gaping, dark hole that aches with raw pain and hurt. I know that it will ease with time... but closing that gap and letting it heal will take so very long...
Im sorry this is kinda emoish or something... Im just.. really out of sorts right now. Ill be fine for a few minutes.. then something will get me crying again.. Im going to try and force myself through it to get commissions done. Im almost done with the one Im on and then its only two left. If Im a bit more quiet or distant for the next little bit, the reason is known.
She had been slowly declining for a while now, and Ive been calling home constantly, hoping she would start to pull through.. but this afternoon she finaly faded at home, with my mother and brother beside her.
I feel so.. torn.. and guilty. The last words I whispered to her was that I would be back to see her as soon as I could... That was two years ago. And I wasnt there in her final moments.
I was thirteen years old, riding home from my grandmothers on my bike, when I saw two girls, about ages five and six, playing with these two kittens. I stopped my bike because I wanted to see them, and they informed me that the little spotted one couldnt walk. I put the kitten down and sure enough, one of her back legs wasnt working. I asked if I could take her to make her better and they agreed, she was a stray. I tried to catch her sister but she wasnt hurt and escaped. I put the little hurt kitten into my backpack and rode the whole way home, with her crying in my backpack.
I brought her home and showed her to my mom who was talking with my brother's best friend who was trying to convince her to take in a pair of kittens someone on the street had dumped. Low and behold, I now had one of the kittens, hurt. My mother didnt have much choice at that point.
We brought her to the vets, and a few x-rays later, it was confirmed she had a broken pelvis. She had been clipped by a car according to the girls.
Surgery, the vet told us, would be far too expensive, and with special care she could heal just fine on her own. So I took her home, kept her as still as could be, and would slowly work and excersize her leg as her pelvis healed as the doctor told us to, to keep her leg from atrophying. I still remember the first night home, trying to find her, only to spy her hiding under my mothers nightside table.
From that point on she was my everything. It was with her I cried against at night when things went bad. It was her I whispered all my secrets too. She slept with me every night, would gently paw at my face with carefuly sheathed claws to make sure she knew I was there. And like in the picture above, she made sure to let me know who was more important between her and the computer.
She was my solid rock through my teenage and begining adult years. It was her, and only her, that kept me from suicide so many, many times, afraid of what would happen to her if I wasnt there to take care of her.
When I moved to Maryland, she went with me, and came back to my mothers when the situation in Maryland fell appart. Its only the last four years that I havent had her at my side, because I couldnt afford to fly her to where I am living now.
It has hurt me so much not having her here. I kept promising her, every time I saw her, that I would try and get her here.. but it just never happened. And she was starting to get really old and I couldnt bare to uproot and upset her again.
But I loved her.. so much. I would still constantly dream about bringing her here... of having her with me. And I never did.. and it aches... I feel like I somehow betrayed her.. despite knowing how happy and well cared for she was.
I have my cat Sparta here with me now (Aka Monster, Aka Baby). And he is my love and my life (aside from my mate) but Patches was my first personal pet.. the first one who was mine, and only mine.. who loved me and showed it in every small purr, meow, pawtouch and rub. And that space that had her THERE is now a gaping, dark hole that aches with raw pain and hurt. I know that it will ease with time... but closing that gap and letting it heal will take so very long...
Im sorry this is kinda emoish or something... Im just.. really out of sorts right now. Ill be fine for a few minutes.. then something will get me crying again.. Im going to try and force myself through it to get commissions done. Im almost done with the one Im on and then its only two left. If Im a bit more quiet or distant for the next little bit, the reason is known.
Category Photography / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 640 x 480px
File Size 62.5 kB
aww D:
im so sorry x.x
i'v had my share of pets die v.v
im still upset about my one kitten who didn't even get a chance to live long.
she was only 8 weeks old and she would only sleep when i was laying with her.
but she was a runt and didn't eat and we didn't notice until i woke up to my sister freaking out about it /:
*offers hugs* i hope you feel better
im so sorry x.x
i'v had my share of pets die v.v
im still upset about my one kitten who didn't even get a chance to live long.
she was only 8 weeks old and she would only sleep when i was laying with her.
but she was a runt and didn't eat and we didn't notice until i woke up to my sister freaking out about it /:
*offers hugs* i hope you feel better
I know exactly how you feel, Hikari; I share your pain. You may recall, my cat Sadie, who had been with me since I was a baby, passed away in February last year. Even to this day, when I go out somewhere or go to work and come home, I still expect to walk around the island in the kitchen to find her coming out from around the corner to greet me; I still haven't gotten over the fact she's gone.
Although I don't know what it's like to not have been there for him, just remember that his last hours were as comfortable as they could have been for him, and you'll always have your memories of him.
Although I don't know what it's like to not have been there for him, just remember that his last hours were as comfortable as they could have been for him, and you'll always have your memories of him.
I'm so sorry to hear about Patches, Hikari. I think it's because they're so dependent on us that it hurts more when a pet dies even than a family member. It's the feeling of betrayal, that in the end we let them down. You didn't really let Patches down, Hikari. It wouldn't have been fair to move her, especially at her age. That it feels like you did anyway proves that you have a heart. Be extra patient with yourself for a while, okay?
Yes, I felt the same way about my cat Meko, and she died rather young then old, but when I was young, she was my only friend, I didn't really have any, I got picked on and was generally a outcast, I was bitter and angry most of the time or extremely depressed, I can't say she had a fantastic life around me, but that cat loved me anyway.... She was a moody cat, I miss her sitting next to my chair, glaring at stuff, or patrolling the hallway, and making sure no one got out of line, or passed through the hallway with out getting attacked, or swiped at. She came in and laid on me one last time before she died, she was a true lady, I couldn't get the money to save her, the pain she died in and the way she looked when it happened still haunts me to this day.
I hope you feel a little bit better, the pain will fade after a few weeks hopefully like mine did, but really do let it out, its very much alright too, and I am very glad you have good memories with your cat, they will comfort you a lot later.
I'm glad you cat had a enjoyable life with you!
-=^_^=-
I hope you feel a little bit better, the pain will fade after a few weeks hopefully like mine did, but really do let it out, its very much alright too, and I am very glad you have good memories with your cat, they will comfort you a lot later.
I'm glad you cat had a enjoyable life with you!
-=^_^=-
Awwww *tighthugs* im soo sorry Sweetheart for your loss i too am no stranger to the pain you feel and like some of the others who posted their heart felt condolences cherish the memorys you have with her and remember the good times hun.
Sincerly Snowball ( friend From SL and former member of the ill fated night club of kid kitsune. )
Sincerly Snowball ( friend From SL and former member of the ill fated night club of kid kitsune. )
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