All the hazbins gathered in the hotel's hall to watch TV. On the screen, Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench were reporting the latest news.
“… To cut a long story short, the number of demons stinking up Pentagram city is soon to get closer to the number of the whole population!”, - Kattie chattered in her usual lively voice: “But I’m still not one of them! So suck it, you bitch losers!”.
“And I’m not one of them too!”, - Tom chimed in happily, but then spoke more seriously: “For now, it is… We should all be careful because tomorrow any of us survivors can start farting like pigs”.
“Hahah, oh, Thomas”, - Kattie giggled in a false friendly manner: “You are always so mindful… NOT!”. She flicked a pen with her fingers, making it fly up and hit Tom in one of his mask’s lenses. The pen broke the glass and got stuck.
Tom let out a blood-curdling scream and grabbed his face, falling off the chair and crying: “Ow! My eye! My eye!!!”.
Kattie meanwhile got closer to the camera and yelled, her eye twitching: “I’m never, NEVER going to become a gasbag like those disgusting dumbasses! Do you hear me!?? You fucking shi….!!!”.
And then the TV screen went to a static before switching to some other program.
Everyone in the hotel sat at the table, completely shocked. Only Angel and Alastor looked calm.
“Well, we are fucked”, - Vaggie said.
“Yeah…”, - Charlie said sadly: “Only recently, we stopped farting for a while, I even got a chance to have a normal meeting with… *sigh…. Adam. But now it looks like the symptom is getting back. As in, gassiness…”. The princess farted and slumped, biting her lower lip uneasily.
“At least it comes and goes”, - Husk reflected: “It means that between these gas attacks, we’ll be getting some time to breathe, in more ways than one”. As if to confirm his words, the cat demon’s ass released a huge fart, surrounding the table with a cloud of his rotten gas. Everyone coughed and fanned the air.
“Man, what’s crawled up your ass and died?!”, - Angel shouted, pinching his nose.
“Not so funny to you anymore, eh, kid?”, - Husk shrugged.
“It appears we were the first victims of this… odd disease”, - Alastor said, grimacing slightly and wafting Husk’s gas away: “But now it’s striking all residents of the Pentagram city”.
“Yes… At least we won’t have to be the only ones now”, - Vaggie said sullenly: “Sucks that there’s no way to cure this... smelly disease. Even Alastor couldn’t come up with a way to do that”.
Alastor nodded: “Indeed. Believe me when I say that I’ve tried everything! And it either made matters worse or had no effect whatsoever”.
“No shit!”, - Angel giggled: “I still remember how you tried to stop your farts with magic and ended up farting so hard, that you blew Niffty right off her feet”.
“It was fun!”, - Niffty cheered: “I’d like sir Alastor to do that again!”.
Alastor blushed slightly, rolling his eyes at their words, and said:
“This is the first time the problem that theoretically COULD be solved with magic is so puzzling to me…”, - the radio demon rubbed his chin and furrowed one eyebrow, a whiny fart exploding beneath him at the same time. He didn’t notice how Niffty stealthily leaned closer and took a sniff of his gas.
“And what’s making it worse…”, - Alastor said with irritation, eyeing his rear: “It’s those… expulsions distracting me day and night!”.
“Well, that’s how we all roll now!”, - Husk grumbled, annoyed with Alastor’s complaining.
Charlie shook her head, got up from her chair, and started pacing across the room, muttering: “I guess I’ll just have to do my very best at holding my gas in during the meeting… I know I can succeed! It won’t take too long anyhow... I think…”.
“Meeting?”, - Vaggie inquired: “What kind of meeting? With whom?”.
“With…”, - Charlie dramatically replied, rubbing her arm: “…Adam”. At that moment, she let loose a very loud and huge fart that sounded akin to a motorcycle working at full power right in the room. The force of the princess’ gas blew a napkin off the table behind her.
Startled by the sound, Husk almost choked on his booze. Coughing a bit, the cat demon put his bottle down and huffed: “Motherfucking shit! That scared me...”.
Angel and Niffty giggled.
“Sorry”, - Charlie said with a small shy smile.
“Wait”, - Vaggie said: “You're going to meet with Adam? Again? Why?”.
“Well, I have to try and convince him to cancel the rearrangement of extermination's date”, - Charlie threw her arms up: “I can’t just leave it like this and allow them to slaughter sinners so soon!”.
“How in the hot fuck did he agree to a second meeting?”, - Husk asked: “From what you told us, he’s a massive douchebag”.
“Maybe… he’s not as bad as I initially thought?”, - Charlie assumed with a hopeful smile on her face: “What if he reflected on the way he behaved at our first meeting and decided to give this hotel a chance anyway?”.
“Yeah, keep dreaming. Motherfuckers like him never learn”, - Angel snidely replied, looking at his phone screen and letting out a poot that fluttered his skirt.
“I second that”, - Husk said: “You’re too naïve, princess. You should learn to read people. And angels too. And angels who are former people as well”.
Charlie merely sighed in response, ruffling her hair and trying to breathe deeply.
“It’ll be okay, hon”, - Vaggie walked up to Charlie: “Would you like me to go with you?”. Those words came out with a struggle, but the moth demoness had to support her princess, whatever it cost her.
“No!”, - Charlie cried out, but her tone softened when she looked at her girlfriend’s worried expression: “Sweetie, I trust you. But I want to go through this meeting alone. Just…. please, understand what I mean…”.
“It’s alright, I do understand”, - Vaggie said. She kissed the princess on the cheek to make up for not being able to accompany her. The moth demoness hated the relief she felt on the inside upon hearing Charlie’s words. But Vaggie knew WHO exactly the leader of the exterminators was and who his right hand was too. And she didn’t want to meet those two at all.
********************************************************
The duo of exterminators was chilling in their office with masks off.
“Sir, in an hour we are to meet with the… princess”, - Lute accentuated the last word with sarcastic hatred, narrowing her eyes. She then picked up a piece from a bowl full of potato chips and munched on it.
“Yeah, yeah, I know!”, - Adam ranted: “I also know how to read a clock, stop bugging me about this!”. He drank his favourite smoothie through the straw and then sighed deeply, slouching in his soft comfortable chair.
“Man, life was so fine until the moment Sera told us that cunt wants a second buzz session!”, - Adam complained, throwing his arm up: “I wasn’t going to leave my house until the start of my shift! But for crying and fucking out loud, nobody ever leaves us alone!”.
There was a moment of silence before Lute decided to speak.
“Are you nervous?”, - she asked calmly.
“The fuck?”, - Adam resented: “Don’t talk crap, Lute! You couldn’t be more fucking wrong about this!”, - he then smiled and talked in a more carefree way: “I am slightly annoyed that I have to see that chick’s stupid face and listen to her incoherent rambling again. And that’s it! I’m kind of looking forward to hearing more of her dumb ideas to laugh at. Can you imagine that demonic scum thinking she and those she calls her people are fit for the heavens? The best fucking joke I’ve heard this century!”.
“That’s the eternal problem with freaks of nature”, - Lute said haughtily: “They can never accept their destiny and keep making the most pathetic attempts at climbing to the top”.
“I know, right?”, - Adam snapped his fingers at her approvingly and crossed his legs, still relaxing in his chair: “Those losers can never learn, even after they are thrown in hell! It’s like having it spelled out for them in huge fucking neon letters – ‘you’re a hopeless sack of shit!’. Why fight it?”.
Suddenly, Lute heard a small but powerful wet rumble coming from Adam. She looked at him and noticed that her boss had a goofy surprised expression on his face, lips pressed tightly together.
“Uh, sir?”, - Lute said carefully: “Did you just..?”.
Adam interrupted her, giving a crude laugh, and relaxed once again: “Aw fuck! I’ve been feeling kinda bloated since the morning. Those pent-up winds are finally coming out now. Don’t mind it, sweet tits!”.
Adam continued to drink his smoothie like nothing happened. Lute meanwhile blushed, feeling heat washing over her.
Lute squirmed in her seat a little and tried to continue the conversation, her voice getting breathier: “So… No matter what, we do not agree to rearrange the extermination’s date, right?”.
“You fucking bet!”, - Adam said with a sadistic smile: “I’m always a keeper of my word. If I said I’ll get a kick out of massacring sinful scum as soon as possible – that means I’ll do it!”.
Lute smiled darkly in response.
“And after that next extermination is over...”, - Adam stared dreamily out of the window at the colourful light clouds swimming across the Heavenly sky: “We’ll rush off to the beach. How’d you like that, titty?”, - he smiled widely at Lute, who had the same dreamy look on her face.
“For a whole month?”, - Lute asked, her eyes glistening.
“For a few months!”, - Adam declared: “Did you forget who I am? I can wheedle out a longer vacation just for us both!”.
“Sounds great, sir”, - Lute agreed, eating more chips.
“Ah, the azure shores of Heavenly sea…”, - Adam mused out loud in a romantic tone and then growled savagely: “Just thinking about them makes me want to fucking Rock n Roll and ROAST some hot meat right under the sun! If you know what I mean~”, - he imitated a sex act with his hands and pelvis and laughed a little.
He then raised his leg and ripped a 6 seconds long fart that made the hem of his robe flutter. “Awww yeah”, - Adam drawled: “Hey, I think these stinkers will be coming up the whole day, so you better be alert, hahah!”.
Adam then caught a sniff of his gas and fanned the air, chuckling:
“Whew! I don’t know WHAT they put in the ribs I had this morning, but it sure has kicked in! You wouldn’t want to smell this shit, trust me!”.
Lute blushed even more and hastily stuffed her face with even more chips to distract herself from the lewd thoughts in her head.
Adam checked the watch on his wrist and groaned: “Aw, man… It’s time to go. Let’s get this over with, or else Sera will bite our asses off. Then we’ll be free for the next 40 minutes before the troops review starts”.
They both stood up and walked towards the conference hall where the hologram operation panel was.