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Here is part 1 of a comic commission for 
hyperfalcon
All from Hyper's point of view as to how much his life has changed for the better.
hyperfalconAll from Hyper's point of view as to how much his life has changed for the better.
Category Artwork (Digital) / Comics
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1200 x 1200px
File Size 546.7 kB
Um, sorry to be a downer, but check your grammar...
"I never knew to this day that my life would be this great." The to is not the right word, until would be a better substitute.
"Ever since that day he came in and changed my well being today." That has two conflicting tenses, past and present. You can drop the today from the sentence.
Love the art, but really the awkward sentences throw me off so much.
"I never knew to this day that my life would be this great." The to is not the right word, until would be a better substitute.
"Ever since that day he came in and changed my well being today." That has two conflicting tenses, past and present. You can drop the today from the sentence.
Love the art, but really the awkward sentences throw me off so much.
Ah, so it's writing from a perspective other than one's own.
If it's just that character narrating it, just write it like he is telling a story, first person pronouns, use of I, etc.
So as a recommendation.
"I never expected that my life would be so great." and "My entire life changed after he came in to it." Would be better structured sentences, though not necessarily the best.
If it's just that character narrating it, just write it like he is telling a story, first person pronouns, use of I, etc.
So as a recommendation.
"I never expected that my life would be so great." and "My entire life changed after he came in to it." Would be better structured sentences, though not necessarily the best.
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