I definitely wasn't expecting this kind of update. That sounds absolutely excruciating. I didn't know you skydive -- this sounds like the realization of one of my worst fears if I ever did. I wish you a speedy recovery, as speedy as these things can be...

And besides that, I'm really sorry to hear how the situation at home has been. Of course my mind goes to thoughts like "no good deed goes unpunished", but from what you write I think you also see what a dark outlook this can lead to. It hurts incredibly to give freely of yourself to help someone out and then have it all thrown back in your face. Not just ingratitude or selfishness but a genuine feeling of betrayal. I'm glad you're rid of the roommates (even if the damage still needs to be dealt with) and I can't really blame you for doing some soul-searching to move beyond this.

All that said, it does hurt to hear that you feel the work in your gallery might have been a waste. About 12 years ago I grappled with the idea that my work was pointless and indulgent and sort of lacking any real artistic merit and wiped my gallery as a result. I did take some time to figure out what I wanted to do with my artwork and came back feeling more grounded and deliberate. I can't really speak to what you feel is idolatrous about your work without knowing more. But when I see your work, I see no shortage of love and compassion, both in how you create it and what's there on the page. I really enjoy the pieces featuring characters enjoying the simple pleasures in life, and sharing the experience with friends or family. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it reminds me to slow down in my own life and appreciate the little things. Some of your artwork (again, no kidding) has inspired me to taking my partner on a picnic or going for a walk in the park, and even add a few potted plants to my home. I think there's a lot of merit to what you've been motivated to draw in the past. What you draw in the future is of course your call, and I'll happily stick around for whatever that might be, I just want to add my own thoughts to the mix.

Again, I'm so sorry you've gone through all of this recently. I hope your loved ones are there for you, and if I can be any support please let me know.

I was airborne in the the army, I really developed a serious addiction to doing things that give me a clear sense of testing myself through hardship or terror. This current injury may have closed the door on that thought. In truth jumping was terrifying but the cathartic value of overcoming my fear was the real appeal of it.

Trying to describe my current thoughts mabey 'idolatry' might be better explained as 'self indulgent' I want to try and communicate looking out at the world more than creating places to hide from it. It means a lot to hear that I've been able to bring that across with my work for you. There is this feeling that civilization is trying to box every one in with fear and labels. I'm wanting to try and help people find reenchantment, fellowship, and internal contentment. The craving for these things and the dread that these things are being lost is really becoming a collective phenomenon these days. I'm doing a hard examination of how to try and be a guiding light in this context.

Having just had that same drive for kindness become a danger to my family has shaken me up. Being too injured to be helpful is also taking an unexpected toll on me.

It really helps to get some encouragement.

I wish I could state some platitude and make the situation better, but that pretty much never works, and even if it did I sorely lack the life experience to put a good one together. (Not to mention we don't really know each other.)

I will say, at the risk of being too frank, that I find your self-accusation of idolatry to be almost exactly wrong. Your gallery is the closest thing I've found on this wretched site to a signpost toward the true, good and beautiful, as opposed to the normal horny insanity that usually populates it. It reminds me of the real beauty and goodness of the world and its Creator instead of being an ersatz to it. You should be honored to have made such things; I'm honored to have found them.

But do what you consider best; if you must set this aside, do so. (I will ask rather selfishly though that you do not wipe your gallery. I for one would hate to see it lost.)

I echo Tossit’s assessment of the quality and worth of your gallery.
I also echo their plea for you not to wipe it. If you feel that you must take a new tack with future art, please preserve your existing work in your Scraps folder.

I feel like thinking about all this from an ideological rather than a practical mindset is what is getting me so twisted in my thinking about all of this. Hearing some encouragement from others rather than just internalizing all this is really helping my perspective and doing me a lot good. It would be counter productive to scrap everything so don't worry about me doing that anymore. Thinking on it I've resent seeing others people do that so shouldn't do it myself. I'll get back to you with more about this in notes, your encouragement means a lot to me.

Sorry to hear you're going through such testing times.. I can't imagine keeping multiple toxic people like that around, I know the feeling of being unable to provide value to family as well.. Good thing you're staying away from opioids, I'd also avoid them, mere description of effects is enough of addiction warning.

And please don't wipe your gallery, I've never seen such art anywhere else and think it would be a great loss. Even if you feel it doesn't convey enough of what you'd like, it has an effect on the world, shows us something special.
Also, if you did, I wouldn't know if you still want the painting I'm working on.. (sorry it's taking so long again, I'm in a hole as well and been focusing on close friends)

Should you desire change anyway, you could always start a new account and keep this as an archive, I see value in these works and don't want to see it gone but cannot stop you.

I hope your recovery goes well, especially mentally, you don't deserve this suffering. Wishing you best!

Hey, take all the time you need. I'm still just happy to know you're working on it.
I partially posted this hoping people would talk me ou of doing anything to impulsive while I'm just stuck here with my own thoughts tumbling around.

These are all bad experiences but you shouldn't let them harden you. Our world has a lot of evil in it, it's true, but Romans 12:2 warns us not to let that affect our own development.

As for wiping a gallery for not being ideologically didactic enough, I'd say it's an incredibly Calvinist urge. Your work is able to reach and speak to people, not just choir members; it shows the beauty of your values to those who may not yet share or understand them.

That is exactly the sort of context I needed. I'm probably just getting myself too worked up in my own head about this.

Yikes, I'm terribly sorry to hear what happened to you.

Your art is not idolatry, it's wonderful and it's some of the best hand drawn furry art I've seen.

I appreciate it, there are plenty more out there better that me though. Several of are even in this comment thread.

I would normally just speak freely. But in the time since I became active as an artist online, you are one of few people I have come to regard as a friend, so on this occasion I will ask first.

May I speak from personal experience, even if it is barely comparable in severity? Or is it too delicate a moment?

I would appreciate your perspective. I always enjoy hearing from you and am not the sort to reject good advice when I need it. Let me know what you're thinking.

I'm sorry it took a while to respond. Some of that old experience renewed itself in the past few days, and it probably will again in the days to come. The holidays can be... well, an unkind time of the year to some. When dark thoughts catch up and there is nowhere to run, and nothing good comes of facing them.

As I get older I get increasingly afraid of becoming jaded, especially losing a sense of optimism for fellow humans. I see more and more openly predatory conduct, more disregard for competence and beauty, more and more gleeful stupidity and incuriosity. It makes me wonder, really, if these are people I want to share the world with - when I'm seemingly so powerless to make a change for the better, and my example falls on deaf ears. Or maybe worse, if they have any obligation to share the world with me - as in the darkest thoughts, there is a gnawing worry they may be the norm, the truth of Man.

What is worst artistically is when that incuriosity comes from the people I should feel most connected to. It pains me to admit that while not physically, I have emotionally been hiding from my own extended family for a decade. These are people I love - but at the same time, contact is at worst harmful. They have little to speak of except things I find deeply troubling but they regard with glee, and if I ever try to raise my voice about something I enjoy the rest of the room goes silent; everybody waiting for me to stop so they can go back to what they were on about. It feels like being an astronaut alone in space. No company; no help coming; only a fragile bubble of respite in a hostile nowhere.
At the very worst, I've gone close to wishing for blindness or mutilation; two things I fear immensely but just so that everything I enjoy would be gone from their world and I wouldn't be a bother. No art, no stories - nothing to interrupt the routine of small talk about what's on tv, money, workplace drama, property value, why electric cars suck.

But somehow, even though I feel powerless to resist thoughts like it, somehow I'm just as incapable to give in to them. I can't really rationalize it any more concretely than that it is at its core not something I do, but something I am. Perhaps if I was more religious - if I believed not as a philosophical concept, but literally that I was made in the image of a divinity possessed of such creativity that making a cosmos was inevitable - I would rationalize thoughts of doubting and denying that creativity as blasphemous. To reject the opportunity to mimick the divine, when for reasons beyond my understanding I have it in me. Or maybe I would think of it in altogether different language - I can only speculate.

I don't know how much this helps, or if I've just thought aloud about personal issues. There's little concrete I have to say that doesn't echo what has already been said; that you are not less a man for being unfortunate, that you shouldn't feel ashamed for saying no when your hospitality is abused, and to keep your work available so it can continue to have a life-changing impact on others as it already has on many, myself included. I just thought, maybe it helps to know you are not alone in being afraid and plagued with doubt, nor in feeling weak and disappointed in fellow Man.

A lot of that sounds very familiar to me. My own family is a near perfect split along the tediously ever present western left/right party lines that scarcely need to be elaborated on. My brothers and I have become the divergents. Our own examination of both parties led us to dismissal of both paths. This makes confrontation with both sides a chore, especially when calming pointing out logic, statistics, and history are somehow insufficient in the face of their preconceptions.

My own philosophy and politics has shifted to self reliance, personal satisfaction, and distancing myself and family from government systems and services as much as possible. "Render only to Cesar what is Cesar's" and "No the Government shouldn't" are a summation of my own views.

To this I've also taken the role of family diploma. Not a position I would have expected but but by arbitrating feuds and transporting children between divorced parents it is a weird role I've fallen into.

Keeping family and politics from affecting our sense self is easier said than lived. My long period of being single and financially independent gave me the opportunity leaning myself so that as I took on more financial and family responsibility I did it on my own terms.

Still I know what a weight loneliness can be. Even unpleasant connections can be better than that feeling that real isolation creates. I'm hesitant about online friendships but do consider you to be one of my friends. If you want to talk about this I will. Though, like this reply it will be slow like this was. But to be honest I really prefer thoughtfully communicating this way.

I'm hesitant to talk about religion publicly, I would prefer to note a conversation like that. What I will say though is that my own connection with God has been founded on removing God from ideological context and making it about connection. God won't fit in politics, religion, or even our own minds. That can't be done with infinity. I've realized that that joy of learning and exploring is that increased awareness of how vast and brilliant an artist God is.

The time you've taken to talk to me when I'm down means a lot to me. I’m very thankful for your friendship.

These are painful and sobering times for you, and neither the physical pain or the shame could be worse than these doubts about the fundamentals of your life. But as torturous as these brooding contemplations are, they are also necessary, because the old you has, through no fault of your own, crumbled, and now you need to rebuild a new one from rubble.

Such soul-searching reflections are often mockingly referred to as "midlife crises" or "crises of faith", but they are as vital a step on anyone's path as coming of age, starting a family, starting a new education or a career, or facing the loss of loved ones.

Those generalities out of the way, I will only say three more things:

One, your artwork has always been an inspiration and a high standard for creative expression for me; I have recommended it to other people, and they've come to admire it highly, as well. Your old-fashioned, but immensely commendable approach to drawing highly complex scenes and character interactions with real media is a rare and precious phenomenon in this digital era. The subject matte of your illustrations is always uplifting and endowed with kindness, acceptance, and earnestly hopeful outlook.
I've also admired how you could portray fat characters with dignity and reverence.
Although don't belong to any faith, I do believe that if you mean to reach out to people and steer them in the right direction, you can do it without ever mentioning any scripture passage or ritual by name, but simply live out your ideals, and let the others come to you.

Two, your hard work supporting your family is appreciated, and none of the efforts you have expended, or the care you have shown, are undermined by the current temporary downturn. Even if you hadn't done any of the diligent and responsible work you mentioned, if you had lived all your life as a dependent, you would *still* be entitled to compassion, patience and support in this dark time. Doing what you have been doing to provide for all those wonderful people in your life (and those who have been less than grateful) must have demanded you to be hard, self-reliant and unsentimentally driven at times, not allowing for any indulgence or weakness, and I understand how hard it must be now to fight against those instincts telling you to get back into the fight, into the fields, into the office.
But there is no shame in acknowledging your vulnerability for now, with a promise of reaffirming your work ethic later, when you are fully healed.

And third, your concerns about how your personality may be affected by setting new boundaries, getting disappointed and jaded by the misdeeds of others, and by your own perceived failings -- those concerns are legitimate and should be given serious thought.
However, the fact that you are capable of recognizing that shadow hovering over your self-image, and even your decision-making code, your core values -- that should give you hope and confidence in that no big, bad changes will happen to who you are, fundamentally, without your say-so; as long as you have these painful doubts about who you are and who you want to be, you are ultimately in control of all those things.
I'm not the one to preach systems of values to anyone, but as long as you stick to the basics -- the shared humanity in everyone, the need to support and uplift one another, the inexorable trend towards enlightenment and understanding in the human civilization, the essential role of our environment in securing our future, and the bright, inspiring power of determined human endeavor -- you should be fine.

Apologies for speaking at such length without having been asked to speak, and for assuming things about your life.
My intent was only to let a good person in a bad spot know that their pain and uncertainty is seen and felt.
The others have shared some very good advice and personal insights in the comments above, and likely below -- do listen to them!

Thank you, this is all very sound advice. I have been working my way around the feeling of helplessness in the wake of being burned by people who won't work or contribute because they choose not to. It probably isn't a valid comparison but it is still wearing on my mind right now. I don't like asking for help, I prefer to be the one doing for others.

I feel like there is a lesson and significance to these events happening in this sequence. I want to take the right message out of this and use it as an opportunity for improvement.

For what it's worth, I don't think it's a punishment, and I don't think it's a proof you have been wrong in judging those people unfairly.

There are people who legitimately need help, and there are those who exploit the goodwill and charity of others, or take it for granted.
Initially, until we have learned more about them, until he have ruled out any misunderstandings, we must treat everyone as if their need is genuine.

Maybe the lesson you will learn here will be to more accommodating, and more trusting of those who ask for help, and maybe you will become more strict about giving the help to those who don't appreciate or don't need it as much -- if only to make sure that your efforts and resources are given to those who are worthy of your help.

Neither of those takeaways would be unwise or inappropriate.
Just as long as you don't change your outlook to start viewing people in general as vicious and treacherous.

May you rest soundly, and recover thoroughly and swiftly!
I hope that your self-reliant and strong personality will carry on, and only benefit from learning to rely on others when necessary during this time.

I wish you good luck with your recovery!

Thank you.

Well, at least you took the 'trash' out. Good oh you and best for a good recovery!

Looking at that X-Ray... When she was in high school, a former girlfriend acquired a compound fracture playing basketball. Nasty spiral break, lots of pins and plates. By the time she graduated it wasn't bothering her at all, so she enlisted in the U.S. Air Force in Security. At the time, they started doing full-body scans as part of an identification project. When the doctor saw her leg he freaked out. They almost gave her a Dishonorable Discharge for 'lying' about it on her application but she didn't know how serious it was. Instead, the Review Board gave her a medical discharge and full service benefits -- including college. Not bad for eleven months in.

I've got a pretty gnarly scar up the side of my leg from it right now. I love hiking and worry about how this is going to affect my activity. Saying no to someone who needs help isn't really easy for me. Perhaps I place too much value in playing the savior. I have to put my family first though in true Ayn Rand fashion even if I feel reservations about making this kind of decision. I know it is what really ought to feel about this situation.

Wishing you the best: strength, health and wisdom.

Family comes first. That said, my oldest brother's wife/girlfriend (I never saw a wedding announcement or attended the service) has acquired a number of loafers and hangers-on she considers 'family'. My brother is a patsy and completely under her control, their home is full of lazy, useless louts who wouldn't lift a finger to save their real family. That said, my brother is utterly forbidden from contacting his real family; she's blocked us on his phone and eMail. I saw them at the grocery store early in the fall; she dragged him away before we could even speak.

Get well soon!!

I'm working on it.

take care of yourself ^v^

It is hard telling myself that I need to be 'me' focused right now but I can understand when it is necessary.

I'm sorry to hear that.
I think the bitterness is a matter of shock, physical and mental.
Years ago, i gave my house to use to a relative, that needed it after a bad divorce (i was momentarily living somewhere else) and this person disappeared without almost thanking me after almost two years. The house was in an horrible condition, this person was deeply depressed and hygiene wasn't their concern, definitely.

I felt torn inside, it already wasn't a good moment for me, and having to haul tons of rancid garbage that wasn't mine from the place i was supposed to live in, didn't help.

But the wound healed at some point. I realized that the person just brought their own negativity with them, and when they were gone, the negativity was gone too (and i ended feeling sorry for them too, years after).

You also have to add physical injury that is hard on the psyche

Hope you'll feel better an keep doing the wonderful work you do. My best wishes.

Knowing when it is time to cut someone off is hard when helping others is in your nature. Keeping the perspective of what you know needs to be done separate from that drive to help is not as easy as it ought to me.

Feeling like a living contradiction of your own values is not a comfortable thing to deal with. Over correcting the corse can be just as bad as taking a hit. It makes this harder knowing this makes me a villain in the story of someone else's life.

>It makes this harder knowing this makes me a villain in the story of someone else's life.

Honestly, I don't think there's a single way to avoid this through the course of a life, it's just part of human relationships of any kind. That's why we must learn to say no sometimes, to preserve our health mental or otherwise...

Sorry to hear that, hope you get well soon

Thanks, I'm working my way out of it.

It probably won't help much with the philosophical or artistic contemplations, but I'm relieved you're still with us after that all the same.

I'm catching a lot of that from my wife right now who keeps going on about how she almost became a widow.

That's terrible, I'm very sorry you have to go through all these hardships. I wish you will recover soon and find yourself stronger and wiser from overcoming them.

I know first hand how it feels to see people you tried hard to help take advantage of you and revel in their flaws rather than try to improve. I know when it happens you can't help but think that maybe if you tried a bit harder... maybe if you gave them yet another chance... maybe if you gave them a bit more time, just a bit, they'll understand... it always feels a happy ending is possible and should be reached at all costs. It's a vicious circle that can go on for many years, as it happened in my case. But our resources both practical and mental are finite, and since you have people that depend on you without exploiting you, your resources are more charitably spent by focusing on them. You certainly aren't preventing the others from realizing their mistakes and changing their ways, they can do that any time - by taking responsability. But nobody can or should bear in their place the responsability of their bad choices, that's not what charity means.

> I don't feel like the esoteric undertones or appeals to anti-consumerism, self reliance, and environmental stewardship are evident in my work and are in fact distractions from these messages.<

They are absolutely evident, that's what attracted me to you art beyond the (also great) surface value. You draw wholesome pictures of people tending to each other and their living spaces, enjoying simple lives, and displaying and accepting plenty of diversity; and you illustrate that with attention for the reality of plants and environments that rivals that of any naturalist artist when it would be so much easier, and so much less meaningful, to draw pure fantasy environments in which everything is made up. All these elements of your works seems quite consistent with a spiritual outlook on life. If I may, I would like to ask you which elements exactly you think are distacting.

Personally I think it's openly religious imagery that would be distracting, because it has been abused so much in petty political propaganda that anything of the sort comes across as a political statement with little to no spiritual meaning attached. In a world in which abominations like Jon McNaughton's paintings have been created and are taken seriously by a regretful number of people, any newly created religious imagery is tainted by the mere fact it belongs to the same category as that vileness.

The present day artists who are best at kindling religious feelings, like say Thomas Kinkade, do so through imagery that calls more directly upon the viewer's longing for the spiritual and the eternal; I feel that's the important role that nature plays in your art too. Art that consistently depicts acts of everyday virtue is even harder to come across and is in fact closer in spirit to the original message. Jesus didn't win people by showing them symbols after all, but by narrating relatable examples of virtue and by being virtuous himself. (Same goes for Buddha and for pretty much all messianic figures really.)

Ultimately it's up to you to decide, but I for one would be very sorry to see you wipe your gallery and radically change your approach to art, as for me that would actually go against your stated goals and would deprive us of one of the few good examples of furry artists that focus on wholesomeness. If you need to start afresh, a better option might be creating a new account from scratch while leaving the old one in place, because there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in it, and a lot of positivity that it can still bring to other people.

Heya mate, it seems there isn't much to say that hasn't already been said better than I could, but I wish you the best for you and your family and hope for a speedy recovery ^^

I'm happy to be able to say that my recovery is going quicker than the doctor expected. A trend I hope will continue. Thanks for the well wishes.

I’m really sorry you had to go through all of that in such quick succession. I myself have some trauma from a bad situation with someone I allowed to live in my home, even years after they left. Yours sounds even worse so I can’t even begin to imagine the stress you went through

I hope physio works out well for you, and that over time your mental wounds will heal as well

As for your work, it seems like really nice stuff, so I hope you don’t wipe it! It’s okay for art to just be something you do to enjoy and find whatever meaning you want without a need to follow a specific path (hope that makes sense, I’m a bit tired)

I have had bad roommate situations before but having a family made it so much more complicated. It was so much more than my own comfort or finances that were being affected.

Funnily enough I had thought that a jump would be just the thing to clear my head and give me a mental reset after the event.

There will be a tonal and subject shift in my work but enough people have convinced me not to be a jerk and wipe out my gallery. It feels like a selfish thing to do now.

I'm thankful for your sympathy and advice.

Just kind of echoing what has already been said, I hope you have a speedy recovery. I have really enjoyed the art you share with us, and would be sad if one day you choose to remove it. So I hope you decide to keep it around.
As far as the other situation, I'm very sorry to hear that you've had to endure that experience. I think it should be pointed out that you deserve to be commended for your generosity and giving nature. But at the same time, there is only so much you offer and give before it becomes detrimental to your well being. Especially now that you have had a major injury and require time to heal.
The people you generously extended hospitality can be given a few chances to acknowledge (and maybe even find a way to repay) the burden it places on you and your family, but if they continue to (quite frankly) take advantage of your good nature you should not feel any guilt what so ever in withdrawing that generosity - because they will continue to consume however much you are willing to offer. It takes strength to say no, and I'm pretty sure you have a tremendous strength of character. And you should not feel the need to have to "justify" your decision to anyone.
It is definitely hard to ask for help; I'm one of those people, too. I would much rather be the one offering help than asking for/receiving it. But sometimes you do need the help of others, and there is no shame in asking or even accepting when it is offered.
We are here to support one another.
Also, there is nothing wrong with taking some "me" time. I have to remind my wife to do this, because she gives so freely of herself to others and sometimes can be spread too thin and she does not realize that she gives all of her time and energy to everyone else, but saves none for her. Which can lead to exhaustion and catching colds, etc. So finding that balance of helping others, AS WELL as yourself can be difficult but it is essential.
I hope your are able to gain some mental clarity during your recovery. It's already evident that you have many friends that are here to support you and cherish your work, and we look forward to more in the future. :)

I'm doing my best to keep the need for balance when dealing with this sequence of events. There is always that easy tendency to to make a hard pivot to one extreme or the other. It is important to have enough discernment not to do that. I'm blessed with the opportunity to reach out right now and get a diverse number of perspectives from people both on line and in my family. The support and advice I've been given have really helped me in regaining my footing. Above all I want to maintain my discipline and dedication to others. My wife and I are also both giving people even to the fault of neglecting our own needs to try and care for the people around us. So I am very aware of advice on that matter and take it to heart.

Thanks for your advice and kind sentiment. It's a blessing.

I'm sorry to read you've got such a load of troubles all at once.
Take care of yourself and be patient, that is a transitory situation despite is long lasting and you feel like a burden... but your loved ones know it. And they are there to help you.
About your gallery I don't know what to say, that's strongly personal and I don't know what caused that bad feeling about you past art; maybe you can take some time to reflect better about that?
Anyway, have my best wishes for a quick recovery =)

I'm doing my best to work through these feelings of helplessness and my Sandro Botticelli compulsion. Reaching out here has been about trying not to get too carried away in my mind. Thanks for your support, I really love your artwork and worldbuilding. It has been a big inspiration for me.

Whatever will be your decision, will be the right one. And thank you for your appreciation over my art. ^^

Hi friend, I hope you're feeling a little better and have some new perspectives on your situation. Everyone in the comments here have already said so many more meaningful things than I could, but I figured I would give you some encouragement anyway. Your art is truly unique and beautiful and I think it would be a disservice for you to wipe your gallery. I'm sure you've taken similar actions in the past, but if you haven't, let me warn you myself! Don't do it! At least tuck your art away so you can appreciate it again in the future. I have very little left of art I made when I was younger and I regret deleting it all the time, even though I thought it was embarrassing when I wiped my accounts.
If anything, why don't you create a second account for works of a different nature? That would give you a chance to explore different themes without feeling as though you're sacrificing the image of your art in either direction. I will say that your art is far from idolatry; it's a celebration of domesticity, living in the present, nature, and the world around us. It reminds me of the slice of life genre; an appreciation for lovely little things. And I think the way you draw your subjects is absolutely beautiful.
Sorry for rambling :( I really do hope you're feeling a little better and I hope things start to look up for you soon <3