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-->PLEASE VIEW WITH DARK THEME FOR BEST QUALITY<--Just as I was completing my nightly round of message-checking before bed, a very ... unexpected ... and powerful email arrived in my inbox from an unknown address:
***
From: An Old Friend <synergetic482@hotmail.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 27, 2011 at 12:37 AM
Subject: Please Remember...
To: synwolf85[at]gmail.com
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1432981/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1435781/
You wrote these less than a year ago, and while the pain has dulled since these were written, time has not been kind to your broken heart. It hurts to know you're still so deeply scarred, my kitten. I think you need to both hear and see this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUrZe1mct44
Time, sometimes the time just slips away
And your left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
I had you with me
Though we go our separate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
the memories we've made
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
and you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
And we were wild and free
Please remember, please remember me
Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
And it's sad to walk away
with just the memories
Who's to know what might have been
We'll leave behind a life and time
We'll never know again
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
and you were there for me
And remember, Please remember me
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
And we were wild and free
Then remember, please remember me
And how we laughed and how we smiled
And how this world was yours and mine
and how no dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ran so fast, we ran so free
I had you and you had me
Please remember, please remember
I have never forgotten how much you mean to me ... please don't forget how much I mean to you. Don't let your pain overshadow your love.
Until I see you again...
-- Daisy
***
I ... honestly have -no- idea who sent me this, but it has to be either from a family member or one of my VERY close friends, because they are the only ones who were with me even before her passing long enough to know that much. In truth, it doesn't matter -who- sent it on Daisy's behalf ... they're right...
I read those very same journals of mine that were linked back to me. I also continued skimming the entires that all came afterward ... only to notice that all discussion about what happened stops cold-turkey. No explanation, no assurance of recovery, just ... stops. Two journals after that last one is when my "drama-mongering" career began. Nothing else about it again after that ... at ALL.
Last year I almost FORGOT what day Halloween was on. Daisy passed away the day before Halloween the year before that. I was in auto-pilot the entire last two weeks of the month and stupid me, thinking it was just being tired and stressed ... now I understand.
I -have- gone numb. The scar tissue around that wound has woven so tight that it's strangled out -every- memory; good OR bad. I never truly -grieved- ... I couldn't. Time and time again I struggled to shut myself down from the inside out just to keep from breaking completely. It's a slow and tender process that never had the chance to happen naturally, because it was just too raw and painful. To staunch the bleeding out of my heart, I sealed it all away and forced myself to forget. Not anymore...
I -do- remember, Daisy. I remember your soft compassionate eyes. I remember the feel of your scruffy fur. I remember how you used to follow me everywhere. I remember how you'd bar my path until I agreed to cuddle with you. I remember how you'd listen to my troubles and then sooth them all away with a purr and a nuzzle. I remember how we used to sit together outside my house for hours on end ... saying nothing ... just being. I remember it all, Daisy ... You were my fuzzy little grandma and I was the "grandkitten" you liked to spoil with attention. You couldn't meow, you couldn't speak, but there was never any doubt that the understanding between us was absolute. You were my special girl ... you still are.
Your passing isn't going to color every beautiful memory I have of you, old girl ... I won't do that to you anymore.
I will NEVER forget again.
My drawing hand/mouse hand would NOT let me go until this image was fully transfered from my mind, onto paper and into digital form. She finally now has the true heart-felt tribute she was denied once before.
Whoever it was that composed that message from Daisy, you've given me a gift too immeasurable to ever repay ... closure. Thank you.
Category Artwork (Digital) / Miscellaneous
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I... almost feel out of place, posting anything... The power is overwhelming... after reading all of this; paired with the picture... I... I have to say, that I'm even a bit choked up at the moment.
I truly can't think of anything more to say than that you have my support, as always, if needed. *offers a warm hug*
I truly can't think of anything more to say than that you have my support, as always, if needed. *offers a warm hug*
*hugs back tightly* I'm not a shamed to say that I cried the entire time I drew/colored this and while composing the description for this submission. My eyes still burn from all the crying. X_X But they were cleansing tears this time, not just tears of pain. I feel more accomplished with this piece that any singular piece of art I've drawn for the past 2 years. It's something that has helped me return to a state of wholeness I once thought forever sundered.
Somewhere out there is someone who can relate to the situation I've gone through and I hope that they come upon this submission and it gives them hope that the fall isn't as endless as it seems. You eventually DO start climbing back out. Sometimes you just have to hit bottom first.
Somewhere out there is someone who can relate to the situation I've gone through and I hope that they come upon this submission and it gives them hope that the fall isn't as endless as it seems. You eventually DO start climbing back out. Sometimes you just have to hit bottom first.
Wow... Syn... The power behind this piece, the pure feeling behind it... Amazing.
I'm glad you've found some closure, losing a friend (especially a furry four legged one) is never easy.
This picture is so powerful, so raw, that I can't help but want to give the sad bearwolf a big hug.
I'm glad you've found some closure, losing a friend (especially a furry four legged one) is never easy.
This picture is so powerful, so raw, that I can't help but want to give the sad bearwolf a big hug.
Whoever this good samaritan was has opened my eyes to something I had willingly made myself blind to. Can't put a price on that. I feel I've gotten back a part of myself I thought lost forever, because of my own weakness. It wasn't fair to Daisy... =<
And always appreciate a good hug.
And always appreciate a good hug.
Very powerful piece. Remarkable
About 12 years ago my best friend drowned in the lake near his school. He didn't know it at the time, but I was in love with him. Always wanted to tell him, but never did. That kind of thing tore me to pieces and made me a numb husk for literally years, so I know this feeling all too well. Scar tissue can just weave so tight around you that pretty much all emotion just gets blocked out..
I understand perfectly what happened, and I am very sorry for your loss. Learning how best to grieve though.. that's something unique to each of us. Kudos on you for opting to do it this way in the end. I myself still haven't completely gotten over what happened to me, and I doubt I ever will. Still, I appreciate seeing when other people manage to do it
About 12 years ago my best friend drowned in the lake near his school. He didn't know it at the time, but I was in love with him. Always wanted to tell him, but never did. That kind of thing tore me to pieces and made me a numb husk for literally years, so I know this feeling all too well. Scar tissue can just weave so tight around you that pretty much all emotion just gets blocked out..
I understand perfectly what happened, and I am very sorry for your loss. Learning how best to grieve though.. that's something unique to each of us. Kudos on you for opting to do it this way in the end. I myself still haven't completely gotten over what happened to me, and I doubt I ever will. Still, I appreciate seeing when other people manage to do it
*hugs tightly* I'm very sorry for your loss. The sudden shock of someone you love meeting a horrible and unexpected end ... it can change you, if you let it. And I let that trauma govern my life for almost 3 years. Something I know must have been greatly saddening to Daisy, seeing me doing this to myself. I hope I've made her proud of me again.
I know it doesn't feel like it, but ... somehow, someway, closure comes. Perhaps not when you want it ... perhaps even when you think you don't need it ... it comes. The loss will always hurt, but an important change will occur; instead of the memory of their passing overshadowing all the GOOD ones, the memory of happier days will blot out the recollection of that painful loss.
Scars like that are always going to be sore and ugly. But at least for me, I now choose to wear it like a badge of pride. If Daisy didn't mean so much to me, I wouldn't be hurting this much, so long after. And if your friend didn't mean anything to you, you wouldn't be hurting, either. We both had the honor of knowing two very amazing people and have them in our lives for whatever time we had. They made an impact upon our lives that can never be erased. That's something to celebrate, I think. To marvel at the beauty of their life, rather than the ugliness of their death. It's something I once thought impossible ... but it IS possible. Don't lose faith in that, my friend. ^_^
It's an old cliche, but I feel it's true. The night is always darkest before the dawn.
I know it doesn't feel like it, but ... somehow, someway, closure comes. Perhaps not when you want it ... perhaps even when you think you don't need it ... it comes. The loss will always hurt, but an important change will occur; instead of the memory of their passing overshadowing all the GOOD ones, the memory of happier days will blot out the recollection of that painful loss.
Scars like that are always going to be sore and ugly. But at least for me, I now choose to wear it like a badge of pride. If Daisy didn't mean so much to me, I wouldn't be hurting this much, so long after. And if your friend didn't mean anything to you, you wouldn't be hurting, either. We both had the honor of knowing two very amazing people and have them in our lives for whatever time we had. They made an impact upon our lives that can never be erased. That's something to celebrate, I think. To marvel at the beauty of their life, rather than the ugliness of their death. It's something I once thought impossible ... but it IS possible. Don't lose faith in that, my friend. ^_^
It's an old cliche, but I feel it's true. The night is always darkest before the dawn.
I wish I knew you then, Syn.. I am sorry for your loss.
Whoever sent this message... they love you. It is the sweetest and the saddest thing I've read in quite some time.
Don't ever let yourself go numb. Pain is necessary to feel the true joy in life.
I'm glad that someone decided to remind you of that.
Sorry I keep losing touch with you guys from WYS.. You were good friends.
You and Chrome especially.
-Wolf
Whoever sent this message... they love you. It is the sweetest and the saddest thing I've read in quite some time.
Don't ever let yourself go numb. Pain is necessary to feel the true joy in life.
I'm glad that someone decided to remind you of that.
Sorry I keep losing touch with you guys from WYS.. You were good friends.
You and Chrome especially.
-Wolf
*hugs* It's wonderful to hear from you again, Wolfy. I understand how crazy life can get.
The love behind the delivery of that message is part of why I'm so determined to heal this wound and honor Daisy's life with respect and dignity. Someone cared enough and was worried enough to do this for me ... I want to show them that their message was not lost on me and that their efforts were not in vain.
The love behind the delivery of that message is part of why I'm so determined to heal this wound and honor Daisy's life with respect and dignity. Someone cared enough and was worried enough to do this for me ... I want to show them that their message was not lost on me and that their efforts were not in vain.
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