https://open.spotify.com/track/6UxA.....4abdc72d8c4a73

My partner, who I have an extremely long distance relationship with, finally got the chance to come to me for our 4th anniversary instead of me going to them like I've done the last three times we've met up. And it was only for 5 measly days. And I cherish those days and memories we made, but I'm still so heartbroken and sad that she had to go back. This song caught me off guard because I thought I'd done my crying last week when they left, I thought I was managing the feelings pretty well considering I wasn't feeling the pain anymore. I've been so depressed for the past week though, and not in a "I'm sad :(" kind of way, but a "My body isn't getting much joy from the things I like to do, and it's not craving any kinds of food like it usually does. I'm having to force myself to do things that usually come easy." kind of way, and I didn't put two and two together but now I do. Now I understand.

I miss her. It's going to be several months before either of us has the money to visit each other again. I want to move in with her already so we can get rid of this pain and yearning, but we can't. I don't have the money to move, and she doesn't have a house for us to move into together. The house she's renting right now is too small and has a limit of two cats and I can't bare to leave my boys behind. They're too stupid to be an outdoor cat and nobody I know takes indoor cats.

I'll be okay, I'll return to my regular routine, the yearning won't go away but it'll be manageable again. One day, we'll be together. One day I'll be able to take her on regular dates.