Wow. Now that was an incredible piece of fiction, my friend. Maybe the length leaves a bit to be desired for, but it was still a great place to end it.

Well, it's far from done. As noted, a teaser! But thanks!

Pretty good so far. :3

You have a great sense of narrative in here, I really enjoyed the first person perspective in the beginning.

Biggest crit I have is that it jumped to the third person perspective for the fight - with a few things that seemed like it was from the first person. Excellent pacing and description, it flowed nicely. :)

Again, the only thing I would suggest is keep the perspective of how this is told from either the first or the third. Personally I think the first person perspective would make it more interesting in a fight. Keep it up, and get cracking on more stuff, you hear? :3

Thank you thank you THANK YOU. This is the kind of stuff I need to hear.

I will admit, perspective-switching isn't an easy sell in writing, and I may well stick with third person from now on. Still, thanks again!

Actually, if you don't mind a thought, why not try to write it from the first person perspective as well... mgiht be a little more interesting having the character try to figure out what their opponent is going to od instead of have it expositionally written from the third party, would allow for a little more emotion and potential for identifying with the char. :)

Hm! Not a bad idea! Lemme roll that around over the weekend! (Hafta go outta town.)

well, i hope that it works out well for you, looking forward to seeing how it turns out :)

Interesting work. I do like the fight scene, you seem to do it rather well, but as noted, the only thing that stuck out was what was mentioned before- The perspective switches seemed odd. Not terrible, it might be interesting to see a story written with differing perspectives, but you'd need to work to get it to not seem odd.