I didn't draw for three months because I was overtaken by acute depressive psychosis. My consciousness was divided into two parts. In the normal state, the rational prevails over the emotional. But then the emotional came to the fore - and the thoughts that inspired me with emotions were dangerous. I couldn't get rid of them, I couldn't stop thinking about death. And I remembered an incident from my childhood. When I was 7 or 8 years old, I almost drowned. I fell into the pond and my feet got stuck in the mud. I couldn't float up, and when I started to suffocate, I felt complete peace. The feeling that you've done everything you could - and now you can finally give up. From the convulsions caused by suffocation, my feet slipped out of my boots and I was able to float up.
I lived it again while I was painting - and it seems to have helped me get out.