Alrighty, I submited this picture once before but it was at it's bases, this time I added a black background and adjusted some stuff in the picture to make it flare a little more then it did before. <3

~About the Artwork~

My original character Fira the Phoenix (depicted above) has a deep dark fear that she rarely reveals and yet has to live through constantly in her lifetime which is for eternity for a phoenix cannot die only be reborn. In my version of phoenixes that is the same however they can be permanently killed off in a few certain ways like if they were drowned or suffocated.

First off, the second greatest fear Fira has that most people know and think is her first is in fact drowning, she not afraid of the water part so she still drinks it and bathes in it, she is just a little uneasy around a water mass bigger then what a bath tub can hold and cannot swim herself.

The first, little known and greatest fear Fira has is being alone and seeing all those she cares about and are not phoenixes die while she lives on, having no hope of seeing them again for there’s no tell how long it will be until her time or if she’ll ever die. What’s worse eventually in her long life sooner or later she gradually forgets them until all together she will not even remember ever encountering the known loved one. She has had to live through this fear over and over again and knows she will live through it again and again in the future.

This is a portrait/design of Fira herself losing yet another, and though you can either draw the conclusion that it is her child or just a dead bird never the less it shows how much she cares and cherishes each life that comes into contact with her. She knows that every life she comes into contact with she’ll know and get to enjoy for only so long.

The emotion I was going for is dishearten, not sadness for I believe that it is not quite to sadness. Dishearten is the feeling I believe is when one just are realizing something negatively has changed in their life and it is still to that point where it’s stings, before one experiences the sadness of the situation. Then I believe dishearten could come after the sadness to the point of where you think there is no hope in the world and no more point in crying anymore. Where one hasn’t quite hit that depressing funk of sadness that last for so long, as well as after one has exhausted themselves out of sadness.

That burn or sting that comes from being deeply disheartened as well as feeling like it is starting to close in on you is what I was trying to represent in a non traditional warm colors. Things surrounding sadness are usually presented in a depressing cool or darkened tone. Whereas I believe emotions cannot be represented with one tone or only one or two colors but array of different colors it was still really hard not to consume this picture with those deep cool and depressing tones that are more fitted with a down sided mood. However I did want a few other colors in there, as I stated before I like to try and represent emotions with lots of colors, so choosing my phoenix character to portray the emotion was perfect for a lot of the time phoenixes are depicted as colorful birds. My version of phoenixes certainly can have a colorful side so it‘s a perfect excuse for throwing some blues and greens in there to give the piece a little more pop.

~How I Created It~
It was done in my style that I have in fact been told by more then one art teacher (and others) is a bad habit and that I should not do it. Pretty much I draw out the picture and lay out what colors I want where and then color it so thickly with colored pencils so much so that it actually makes the face of the paper smooth with pencil filling and etches the paper of the original copy somewhat. I actually stopped doing this style for quite a while for I was ashamed of it after being told constantly it wasn’t an appropriate way to use colored pencils by people I looked up to. Then I suddenly put a break on that when I realized, THIS IS MY ART! So what if I use colored pencils out of what’s considered the normal and proper way to use them? Why not? That’s what makes art great, isn’t it? When it’s created while the artist was thinking outside of the box? So yeah, I’m back to doing a little more of this kind of artwork again and I am absolutely loving the way they‘re coming out.<3

Anyway, I got it scanned in and then used Photoshop Elements 9 to added the black background (something I hadn’t planned to do until looking over the drawing a few days later. The white background I decided was eye burning.) Then also did some touchup on the black in the picture it’s self so it blended in with the background black a little mores smoothly.

Artwork is copyright to © KAW
Fira the phoenix is copyright to © KAW
Disheartened Poem is copyright to © KAW