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More from SHADOWxTIGER
This is pretty much the first story I've ever wrote. I try to add more chapters, yet readers block is a bitch :I. So please read and tell me what you think of it. Also don't expect too much out of it, like I said my FIRST story. Plus chapters aren't too long so its not a time waster.
*PS: Sorry about Chapter 8 being a block of text)*
*PS: Sorry about Chapter 8 being a block of text)*
Category Story / All
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Size 50 x 50px
File Size 11.7 kB
My thoughts:
The names were kind of amusing, but not in a good way. They seem kind of lacking, and thought up at the last minute. You are lacking in description, which happens to all new writers. You also kinda need to state the weapon names, and what not, but not too repetitive.(Something that I myself suffer from, but I digress). And If you're going to be going for headshots, you might as well discribe what the blood splatter, or how much of the skull was attached to the head after a, say, 7.62x54R from an Dragnov SVDS Sniper Rifle-this isn't Call Of Duy, afterall. You don't just "die".(I could go on a huge rant about CoD, but I'll save it for later.) I do see promise, but like I stated, you really need to work on descriptiveness above all else.
Example:
"I walked through the store. Shattered glass lay on the ground, with the shopkeeper in the corner. ACR at the ready, I nudged the body over with my foot, revealing his wound. Two .45 ACP Shots to the chest. One of them was a hollow point. Quick death. I looked back at his store.
"Looted." I mouthed silently as two enemies darted from an alley. I dropped to a knee, and aimed my weapon at them. I flicked the selector to semi-auto and compressed the trigger. The two 6.8 SPC rounds impacted the sternum of each man's heads. They keeled over, dead, silently bleeding out on the ground, with the occasional croak."
The names were kind of amusing, but not in a good way. They seem kind of lacking, and thought up at the last minute. You are lacking in description, which happens to all new writers. You also kinda need to state the weapon names, and what not, but not too repetitive.(Something that I myself suffer from, but I digress). And If you're going to be going for headshots, you might as well discribe what the blood splatter, or how much of the skull was attached to the head after a, say, 7.62x54R from an Dragnov SVDS Sniper Rifle-this isn't Call Of Duy, afterall. You don't just "die".(I could go on a huge rant about CoD, but I'll save it for later.) I do see promise, but like I stated, you really need to work on descriptiveness above all else.
Example:
"I walked through the store. Shattered glass lay on the ground, with the shopkeeper in the corner. ACR at the ready, I nudged the body over with my foot, revealing his wound. Two .45 ACP Shots to the chest. One of them was a hollow point. Quick death. I looked back at his store.
"Looted." I mouthed silently as two enemies darted from an alley. I dropped to a knee, and aimed my weapon at them. I flicked the selector to semi-auto and compressed the trigger. The two 6.8 SPC rounds impacted the sternum of each man's heads. They keeled over, dead, silently bleeding out on the ground, with the occasional croak."
Thank you :D the names are actually based off of my friends really. Tiger is me and my friends all have the nicknames of Fox, Wolf, Shadow and Royal, so the names never were meant to be real names. Yet I could have put more detail into, yet it is my first story so I geuss Ill just learn :D but I do thank you for your review
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