The Story of Our Golden Eyes is an adventure novel that I've been working on. It is told from the point of view of foxes, and -although it takes place in the real world- I use the folklore and mythology that I've been developing alongside the main story to aim for a "magical realism" feel.
This is the second chapter, but I've posted a Chapter 1 and a prologue that serves as background info for the story. You can read it here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/49628240/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/51596203/

This chapter is probably the roughest one I have. I had a plan of what I wanted to have happen but not much on how to get from point a to point b so there might be parts that drag. Since this is a very rough draft, critiques and comments are welcome.
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Brenna and her kits rounded the east end of the glade. The Great Light began his journey towards the earth as the mother fox’s legs struggled around the obstinate staggerbushes that guarded the path into the forest. Once among the trees, she sat down and gave two rapid barks. From nearby, two barks answered back, and Brenna’s head turned to witness two foxes a vixen and her young son emerging from a thicket. The kit raced towards Brenna’s offspring, where he was immediately set upon by a furry blur of brown, orange and cherry-red as his mother worked to untangle a hind leg from the shrubbery.

“These bothersome bushes,” she said, laughing as she pulled her paw free. “Leeches don’t hang onto you nearly as long.”

Brenna forced her legs to stand, stifling her groans as best she could as her new company strode gracefully towards her. The two vixens sniffed each other’s face in greeting amid the sounds of their kits’ gekkering laughter.

Like Brenna, this vixen was quite lovely, though she had the advantage of a healthy pelt and figure. She had a gentle face, with a rounded muzzle and kind, honey-colored eyes that appeared to sparkle with a vestige of kit-hood. Adding to her youthful appearance was her beautiful, yellow-orange fur as well as a full and well-groomed tail that swayed elegantly to and fro as she spoke with Brenna.

“So, Brenna, how did the little terrors enjoy their first hunt?”

“They seemed to like it well enough,” Brenna responded, panting slightly. “Thank you so much for helping me watch them, Holly. Bright too. I know he’d much rather be doing his own hunting instead of playing a mother vixen.”
Holly –or Ms. Holly, as the kits new her by nodded casually with a light swish of her tail. “Oh, it was my pleasure. What else are kitsitters for? And don’t worry about Bright, he’s happy to help out his friends.”
“I just feel so awful asking you to do so much, especially after what happened to Glenn.”

“Oh, no need for flat ears, Brenna. Yes, Glenn’s a little bruised on the tree, but he’s sticking around like a burr on the back-end. But your kits never had a father. What was I supposed to do, let a mother and her six kits fend on their own? I could not think of it then, and I couldn’t live with myself if I started now.”

Brenna gave a sad smile. “If only Faern was still here. I guess it’s true what they say, ‘it takes more than dirt to fill an empty space in the den.’”

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As the vixens talked, the chaos of the playing kits calmed, revealing the results of the commotion. Rikki lay flat on his stomach with Rio’s hind-end pinning his muzzle down. Fortunately, his brother wasn’t that heavy, and Rikki was able to jerk his head from under Rio’s rump. Now free, he stood up, sneezing and shaking himself as if it would remove the indignity. He growled at Rio, who still lay on his back with all four paws in the air.

“Watch where you’re landing, wobblepaws!”

“Heheh, oopsie.” Rio said, giggling and scrambling to get up, only to trip and hit his bottom jaw on the dirt. From his position, he was first to notice the rest of the results from their game. “Woohoo! Go, Nova!”

Nova stood triumphantly with his forepaws on the chest of Holly’s son, Bright. Twila had Nova’s tail in her teeth, tugging at it as if fighting over the remains of a squirrel.

“Ha! I win!” Nova exclaimed. “Take that Bright! Ouch! Twila, let go of me!”

“Mot mfil voo leffim ko!”

“What?” Nova barked.

Twila opened her mouth, letting her brother’s tail fall free. “I said, ‘not until you let him go’.”

Nova looked at her, head cocked with a smug smile as he lifted his tail and wiggled it to and fro.
With a gasp and then a growl, Twila leapt for Nova’s tail, only for her brother to quickly leap to one side, causing her to land flat on her belly.

Whump!

The cherry fox soon found herself laying across Bright’s stomach, forepaws on one side of him and her hindpaws on the other. Realizing whose belly fur was meeting her own, she scrambled to remove herself from him. “Oh, B-Bright, I was, I didn’t, I- I’m so sorry.”

Bright chuckled as he got to his paws. “It’s alright, Twila. You just knocked a bit of breath out of me, that’s all.”

Nova strolled proudly up to Twila, still making it a point to make a display of his waving tail. “Too bad, Twila. Looks like I win, and with that I am now tied for the spot of top kit .”

He continued strutting like a quail in front of his sister, but what Bright’s voice said next swiftly put an end to his celebrating.

“Well, Nova, Twila may have stolen the win from you this time.” He winked one gold-flecked eye at the cherry kit –who giggled out a flustered laugh that ended in an involuntary snort.

Nova’s jaw hung open, making him resemble one of those fish that is said to carry its hatchlings in its mouth. However, he quickly shed the ridiculous look in exchange for the sour expression that oh-so-regularly clung to his face. “What do you mean? I pinned you?”

“Correct. However, you failed to declare that the pin had been made,” El said, taking his chance to step forward now that all the rough play had ended. “As a matter of fact, Twila failed to declare it as well, which means–”

Rikki interjected, running up to El so that their noses where no more than a whisker-length away. “Who the skuzz asked you, Acorn-head? You weren’t even playing!”

“Of course,” El stated bluntly. “Every time you play, the winner is either Twila or Nova, so I saw no purpose in playing. However, you do not have to be playing in order to know the rules, Rikki, and the rules are, ‘the first to pin the target and declare it is the winner’.”

Bright’s amused chuckling interrupted the quarreling kits. “Heh-haha, apples and acorns, I was only joking, no need to set your whiskers on fire.”

“Y-yeah,” Twila said, sitting next to Bright. “But if it will get Nova to stop carrying on like a starving chick, then he can have the win.” She turned to Nova and playfully nipped in his direction. “I’ll just win the next one anyway.”

Seeming satisfied, Nova backed away, taunting Twila with one last wiggle of his tail. Rikki soon followed him off to the side, but not before glaring back at El.

“That was honorable of you Twila.” Bright said. “Though all jokes aside, you should’ve claimed the win. In the forest, a fox that spends her time crouching in front of others doesn’t last long. Besides, you were the last to pin me, and I don’t think I would have been able to get you off of me.”

“It’s because she really likes grubs. And everything else that she can get in her mouth.” Rio said, causing Rikki and Nova to snicker.

“Hey!” Twila barked, lying on the ground and hoping that Bright didn’t take notice of her pudgy belly.

“Oh, really? I like grubs too,” Bright said. “Dad always says they’re a good thing to eat, especially when food is scarce.”

He winked again at Twila, who produced another snorting giggle.

“I-is everybody d-d-done f-fighting?” Codi’s timid voice signaled his meeting with the others. He stopped behind El, glancing cautiously and Holly’s son. “Hi, B-b-b-bright.”

“Hello, Codi,” Bright said. “Oh, but we weren’t fighting, we were playing.”

Codi slowly stepped out from behind El, practically crawling with how low to the ground he was. “Oh, b-but it l-looked l-l-like–”

“Sweeps, Codi, that’s the whole point!” Rikki interrupted. “It’s supposed to teach you how to fight so that when you actually get into one you won’t di-ouch!”

Rikki yelped as Twila shoved her shoulder into his side. With a scowl, his head whirled around to confront his sister. “What was that for?”

“The ‘duh’ sound, Rikki.” Twila whispered, to which Rikki responded with a roll of his blue eyes.

Bright faced Codi and adopted a playing position. “So, Codi, what do you say? Do you want to play, just you and me? I promise I’ll go easy on you.”

Codi nibbled nervously at his tail fur, doing his best to avoid eye contact with Bright. “Well, I–”

Reeourr!

Brenna’s bark interrupted the kits’ conversation. “Come on, little ones. It’s time to return to the den.”

“Come along, Bright.” Holly added. “You can get back to playing once you and your friends have had your naps.”

Bright gave a compliant yip before winking at Codi. “Looks like we’ll have to play another time,” he said before hurrying to his mother’s side.

Twila couldn’t help but watch Bright as she took her place behind her mother. The young male’s well-groomed, yellow-orange fur captivated her eyes, and watching the way his tail swished along with his graceful, trotting steps was just as entrancing as seeing him from the front –a front bearing a slim face that already started to develop handsome dog-like features.

“T-Twila, how c-c-come you always act f-funny when B-b-bright’s around?”

Codi’s meek voice snapped the cherry-furred kit out of her trance. His question made her face grow hot, and her response came out in such sputters that she feared her brother would think she was mocking him. “Huh, wh-what? I-I don’t know what you’re t-talking about?”

“You keep st-st-staring and m-making that funny s-sound with your nose.”

“It’s ‘cause she’s got ‘the Sickness’.” Rio interrupted, speaking in a sing-song voice.

“That’s right, Codi. The Fuzzy Sickness,” Rikki interjected. “It’s when you meet a fox, and he makes you feel all fuzzy inside. And Bright gave it to her.”

Twila’s face burned, and her stomach felt like she had swallowed a live frog. She grew so flustered that she almost tripped over her own forepaws. “What, no I don’t. No he didn’t!”

“Yes he did.” Rikki said. “You can barely stand up straight, your sickness is so bad. And you know what that means.”

Rikki left his place in the line, Rio trotting along with him. The two kits positioned themselves, making sure Twila could see them as Nova soon joined them. They began a synchronized display of prancing in step with each other, their wagging tails matching their pawsteps. They followed their dance with three forward hops, before spinning around to face Twila, resume prancing and finish a with a play bow. While they did their dance they sang:


“Twila’s all lovey,
‘Cause Bright makes her fuzzy.
What will happen now?
Winter and spring,
Hear them both sing:
‘Ow-how-how.’

Twila could only watch with a burning face as the three kits erupted in a chorus of laughter.

“Rikki, Rio, Nova!” Their mother called out between deep panting breaths. “Stop teasing your sister and return to your places.”

The kits obeyed, still quivering in juvenile glee as the sounds of their jeers pricked Twila’s ears like wasp stingers.

Rikki stifled a snicker as he rejoined the group, savoring the image of his sister’s flustered face in his mind until it was wiped away by El’s voice.

“Rikki.” he said, still holding his catch in his teeth, his voice low.

Rikki huffed. What’s that puffy-tailed know-it-all want now?

“Are you sure you want to be talking, Acorn-head?” he said. “I’d hate for you to drop your precious ca-.”

A curt shush from his brother silenced Rikki, leaving him astonished. El might have been an Acorn-head, but he never interrupted. He watched as El stole glances at their other siblings as if to make sure no one would be able to hear him. Confused, but unwilling to be silenced by El, Rikki resumed speaking, his voice raised in frustration.

“If this is about us teasing Twila, I don’t want to hear it. It’s her fault if she doesn’t want to admit it. I mean-“

“Rikki, listen,” El interrupted again. “Do you think Mother looks oddly exhausted?”

“What the skuzz are you talking about?”

“Look at her,” El whispered, making Rikki take notice of his mother’s heavy panting. “You do not pant that much from just taking a short walk from the glade to the den. I think something is wrong with her. Listen to what she and Ms. Holly are saying.”

Rikki peered past El, his eyes examining his mother and Ms. Holly. The kitsitter’s mouth moved, but she kept her voice so low that Rikki had to strain to listen even after swiveling his ears.

“Brenna, are you sure you’re alright?” He heard Holly ask. “You seem to be worn-out.”

Brenna’s reply came in a quiet and breathless voice. “I’m…fine, Holly. It’s just…the added task of teaching…the little ones how to hunt. I’m sure…once this becomes routine, I won’t be as tired.”

“Maybe, but are you sure you’re fit to go hunting right now?”

“I have to. The cache is empty. El’s mice are all that’s left.”

Rikki scowled at the three mice swinging from El’s teeth, his buzzing chest drowning out the grown-ups’ voices.

“Okay, so Mom’s a little tired, that’s not anything new. You said it yourself, she just has trouble taking care of us on her own.”

El shook his head. “You do not pant this much from being ‘a little tired’.”

Rikki rolled his eyes. “Sweeps, maybe the Great Light’s shining on her or something.” He paused to look back at his other siblings. Rio and Nova were busy asking Twila how many kits her and Bright’s den will have, and Codi quivered at every twig and rock he passed. Satisfied that none of them would overhear, Rikki addressed El with a whisper. “You don’t know everything, okay? So stop pretending you do. And don’t go blabbing to the others about this. Last thing I need today is you causing a panic over a little panting just to make yourself seem smart.”

He smirked as El silently turned his attention back to following Brenna. Now that he had taken the puff out of El’s tail, he could reward himself with a refreshing nap. And yet, as he walked, he couldn’t help but notice his mother’s pace had slowed significantly. She walked funny, with her head lowered, and –every so often she staggered this way and that, like Rio after he spun around too many times. Was El right after all? Rikki shook himself, getting rid of the thought as if it were rainwater.

Mom’s fine. She’s just tired, Twila walks like that all time when she’s sleepy.

However, his eyes wouldn’t look away. Seeing Brenna next to Holly, he noticed the contrast between their appearances, and he started to wonder why his mother looked much more haggard by comparison. But then he caught El out of the corner of his eye, and the wriggling feeling pushed his worries away.

It’s just because she has more kits to take care of, Right? Right. Of course I’m right. Mom’s fine. Completely…fine.