"Old Man River!
That seems far too austere a name
for something made of mirth and rage.
O, roiling red-blood river vein.
If chief among your traits is age,
you're a wily, convoluted sage.
Is "old" the thing to call what rings
the vernal heart of wester-lore?
What brings us brassy myth-made kings.
and a preponderance of bug-type things.
To challenge titans come before!
O, demiurge to a try and Avalon-once-more.
And what august vitality
in your wide aorta stream.
You must have had to oversee
alchemic change of timber beam
to iron, brick, and engine steam!
Your umber whiskey waters
lance the prideful, sober sovereignty
of faulty-haloed temperance,
and wilt her self-sure countenance;
Yes, righteous is vanity.
But sport's for imps, not elderly.
So if there's a name for migrant mass
of veteran frivolity
That snakes through seas of prairie grass
and groves of summer sassafras;
A name that flows as roguishly
as wild waters, fast and free,
It's your true name: Mississippi"
Final time: 7 hours