god.. yeah
my support worker brought up a really eye opening point a few weeks ago after i had a bit of an emotional meltdown. that meltdown in particular was something that i had been anticipating for about two weeks prior, as i had noticed my symptoms of despair, frustration, and anxiety mounting on themselves

there were a lot of reasons for it, but one reason that i didnt even consider WAS worry! world issues were not the sole reason for why that meltdown happened, but they did contribute to it, and when my support worker sited that and mentioned 'no wonder it happened,' i felt really validated, almost seen.

worry and stuff really does need to be taken more seriously.. i do think there is a point where worrying about 'what-ifs' can get to a point where it becomes unreasonable/irrational, but as an emotion it has a purpose and we need to give it more credit for what it does and why.

it's like anger - bad if unregulated, but it serves a very important purpose and we can't just try to absolve it from our lives

It's one of those things people genuinely seem to think is a choice. I can chose to snap my fingers, to scream out loud, and other things like that-- but, i can't just "turn off" fear. And hell, there are conditions that can make people not able to control their bodies or voices. If someone says they "can't stop," they probably actually can't.

And the thing is, it's easy to say, "Don't worry," when your life is stable. You can't look at someone whose drowning and say, "Don't worry! It'll make you drown faster!" Like yeah, no shit. But it'd be more helpful to get them the fuck outta the water.

Coping skills are great, but they don't prevent homelessness or illness or any other horrible things like that. And it's nice when folks recognize that. I remember one therapist who, honest to fuck, on our first session, handed me a page of "positive affirmations" that read like a list of my abusers' catchphrases. I didn't stay with her. It's not helpful. "Don't worry," is the mental health equivalent of hearing your employees' moral has gone down due to lack of fair pay, and throwing them a pizza party.

I am glad you have a good therapist who took your fears seriously. Like, a lot of us have legitimate reasons to be afraid. Is worrying gonna fix it? Probably not, but also-- we aren't the problem? People spend so much energy on beating down folks for expressing their suffering, instead of attacking the people causing the suffering.

word, to all of this

unfortunately that person is not my therapist, they are a peer support worker, meaning they have their own unique lived experiences that inform their work + a good deal of social worker training so that they can do their job well. they help me with goals, are there to talk, and in general are meant to help facilitate transition and change in my life. double unfortunately, they are assigned to me temporarily and i need to stop seeing them in a month OTL... very sad cuz youre right, theyre very awesome and cool

i find coping skills helpful when trying to remain rational and focused. they help me in a way that prevents my emotions from gripping onto me and pulling me under when i could be treading water/swimming to shore, which is also a possibility. in other words, they keep me fighting - but there are absolutely times where i feel they are very unneeded and even detrimental to my case, as i'm sure you no doubt can sympathize. sometimes, words that in some cases could help me keep fighting, just come off as words that are attempting to 'pacify' me or shut me up, which only frustrates me more!

maybe it's kind of like how some medicine can save an individuals life, but if someone else took it who didn't need it, it could kill them. different tools work - and dont work - depending on the situation. someone could mean well, or think theyre meaning well, and end up just making it all worse, like the dad in this comic of yours

emotions are tricky. it's a big balancing act that no one taught us how to do, and we all just have to figure it out as adults x___x glad the conversation around it is so open these days though

I think you touched on a key point when you said things meant to "pacify" you. That's what a lot of it is, when you really tear away the flappery. People want other people to be easy to deal with-- bite sized. And it's especially true when you start talking about the systems of power that benefit from their way of life being upheld as "correct." It means they can keep riding success build on the average person's backs. We aren't supposed to cry out in pain at how our world is crumbling around us, because changing that would inconvenience them. And then you throw in the variations of people, things the majority is too lazy to want to understand: queerness, neurodivergence, racial diversity. "Don't worry," is anther way of saying, "Shut up." And, in cases where the person is closer to us, it's often a way for them to avoid guilt. I've had a few people see me react to actions they took, and reply with something along the lines of, "You're overreacting. Stop it. You're making me feel bad." They don't want the guilt. And, in some very painful cases, people just don't want to admit they don't have the answers.

This is also why i despise anti-suicide ads that go on about, "How would your family feel if you died?" Like, i'm sorry, but as someone who's been there, i don't give a fuck about the family. I care about the one who is facing something so awful that death is an appealing alternative. Such things also assume a level of trust and support that might not be present, and might just remind the person why they want to die. There's a tendency to assume people couldn't possibly have it as bad as they say. They MUST be doing something wrong if they're suffering. People don't like admitting bad things can happen to innocent people. Some especially don't like the idea because it would require them to have sympathy for others-- it's the same reason people talk themselves into believing that all homeless people are lazy, so they don't feel compelled to give them money. "They must've done something to deserve it."

It's why i fucking HATE hearing things like, "God will make everything right in the end." Like, mhm. Thanks. Sweet. Can i see his receipts? Can i get a contract signed? Again, it's an excuse people use so they can feel justified not speaking up or helping someone in need, or can justify someone who's done something horrible getting off without any punishment. I don't trust god, or karma, or fate, or whatever the flavor of the day is. People with power need to take responsibility for the welfare of those without.

barsss

"it's the same reason people talk themselves into believing that all homeless people are lazy, so they don't feel compelled to give them money. "They must've done something to deserve it."" this resonates with me deeply since I live in one of the most expensive cities to live in in canada. i'm not rich by any means, i'm being actively gouged by my city, grocers, etc. rent is astronomically high ($1300 CAN is considered 'cheap' but its still far too steep for any one person to realistically pay as rent) and using delivery apps is pretty much on par with how much you'd be spending on groceries. with how high the cost of living is, a LOT of very hard working and honest people have been abandoned by our own city, being forced into homelessness with nowhere to go. our city's government won't even allow for the existence of tent cities since they 'look ugly' and 'pose a fire hazard' (which is bullshit) so even when they try to survive without a home, they are still being gouged. the impression that this leaves me with is that if you're not an upperclass person, they want you gone/dead. they want the streets to be clean, they want to live in a perfect little fantasy world where poorness doesn't exist

it's insulting, infuriating, and sickening when i hear people criticize those who were forced into homelessness with no other way to fix it by calling them 'lazy'. criminalizing addiction and demonizing people for that is also despicable - they need help! not your hatred.. just knowing how many people who are eager to work and contribute to my city's economy who cannot sustain a job due to their own homelessness (often times jobs are not happy with hiring someone who is homeless, which prevents people from even climbing out of it) it feels so wasteful and cold. canada's population is already small, especially compared to america. we need to take care of every citizen, and not just pick/choose which ones we like best like that.

not everyone can be a lawyer/business person. who do you think makes your coffee every morning when you go to starbucks? who cleans your offices after closing time? who runs the front desk at hotels? certainly not people who are being paid a generous sum

to tie it all back, to tell people like me, or them, to stop worrying makes me want to scream right in their face.. we're being actively gouged, even people who are trying their absolute best to stay afloat and survive. we're working on it, all while we worry - especially because we have a very good reason to worry. how much more will the cost of living rise in the next month? can i afford to eat this week? is my landlord going to increase my rent to the point where i can't pay it anymore? being told not to worry helps nothing.

in fact i'd say that worrying is a survival mechanism. i need to be aware of these things so that i never get too relaxed with my spending, i need to be aware of my situation so that i can remain stable. i NEED to worry!!

So i read this earlier, but didn't have the energy to respond like i was before. and honestly, i still don't, andi'm sorry. cause there's still a TON of good conversation to be had here. I'm just worn out and didn't wanna keep leaving you hanging. I just wanted to say thank you, and i appreciate being able to commiserate ;;