I remember this! :O

Eeeendra? who are Endra have we met?

Ghalati :O

Gah i remember now! I went to your page to see if i knew you and saw that i already watched you and faved some artwork lol. So i went on to fave more cause.... godamn you're hot xD I felt like it was you but i had a lot of things going through my head that were distracting me so i'm sorry, please don't take offense. I haven't forgotten you! The name just threw me off more than it should have =p

We should get in touch some time! Not just on FA i mean. Windows Live?

Yeah sure! My IMs are always online even if I'm not always there. Add me: endrabear(at)gmail.com

When I saw you reply I thought you might be Ghalati..but I wasn't sure. Guess I was right after all =P

Zing!

godamn. did everyone just show up when this got posted? where's the rest of Simba's Prode let's have a bloody reunion :P

i deleted you off my MSN yesterday because i haven't heard from you in over a year.

ya two will never put the past behinde will ya?

well yar both equally stubern on the matter so might as well really lol

Very awkward situation you've created here but i know why you did it. I'm not mad or anything.

I'm sorry about what happened and sorry you hate me for it. I remember this picture though...still have it I think.

wow i didn't expect to ever hear from you on a furry site of all places. I'd say it's good to see you again, but yea. Last i knew you and eva were forming an anti-Jespah fanbase. An exageration of course.

I wouldn't have expected that either. Things are different than they used to be...life has progressed after all.

indeed. so why we're in this situation why not tell me what's new? slow replying = call of duty 4

It would take a lot of time to go over 5-6 years of life, lol. Forgive me for not being that forthcoming with information...just not completely confident that it was a good idea to post here and all. I'm sure you understand..little awkward =P

that's your choice i guess, i'm not going to twist your arm. Worst i can do is walk off into the sunset again.

Well it's just a lot of time to go over I suppose. What about you? What's different for you?

Not much i guess. I live in Philadelphia. I'm 25 instead of 20. Idk... same old cap unfortunately. I wish i could say i've gone through school and own my own business or some such thing... Still gay, still a lion.. iunno

Why Philadelphia? I am 22...or 23 in march, instead of 17, obviously. I still live in Richmond. I've been to some school, but I took this semester off. Been through a couple different jobs...but getting gradually closer to what I want to do. I'm in the VA National Guard too...and also still a lion.

wanted to go to school. wanted to be with someone. wanted to be in a big city. basically all there was to it.. other than that i don't think i've really changed much. Maybe a little in terms of personal things.

my biggest curiosity though, is why you went from hating me, and wanting nothing to do with me, and telling Eva she wasn't allowed to even be alone with me... to sound humble and well... regretful of the past.

Well..time dulls all emotion. Wounds are much fresher when they are newer. Now they are old. I can't say that I regret my decision..because back then it was the right choice for me to make. I can, however, recognize how much pain it caused you..and I am sorry that you had to endure that. It was not the best time of my life either.

I understand that you would resent me for causing that pain..but it was not done with that intention..and looking back..as I said..it was still the right thing to do. I hope that doesn't make you upset. Either way though..I am regretful that it was as painful as it was.

Oh, alright. Just wondering. I haven't had a reason to move yet myself. I can't say if I am different at all either. Well, I can't say how much different I am at least. Everyone changes a little bit and all.

Also, my next reply might not be for a while. Have to leave work soon and drive home.

Well Kiva... I'm pretty much over all that myself i guess. I do resent you. I resent that it fucked me up a lot. I can't date a bisexual guy because i'm scared they'll leave me for some girl. Its caused me some problems with someone in the past. But i don't resent you for breaking up with me. Or for never getting back with me either. It was always your stubbornness i had a problem with, but as Shadow put it, we both are. *shrugs* I don't know Kiva... i hate to sound like i'm dragging it on but i went through a lot to prove myself to you and even though you are right, it was the right thing to do, it left a hole that took years to fill. It took what.... 2 years? for me to finally stop talking to you after it all happened... and i only did it because i felt like i was finally ready to let you go. So yea... pain... between your father putting me through what he did, breaking up with Karen so i could focus on you, and then you getting with Karen some months later i think it was... *shakes head* blah, but yea.. old wounds... i guess i'm just bitter. I've said all this to everyone else and never told you how i felt after all this time so i guess that's why i'm saying it. I don't hate you anymore for getting with Karen or anything.... i've hated you because of the damage it caused and the residual affect it had on my life. It represented the worst learning curve of my life, and the hardest emotional obstacle i've had to face to this day. You were my first boy, and it was the most traumatic for me. So if you ever wondered why i was so angry all the time.. that's your answer.

No i'm not upset that you thought it was the right choice. It was. So was leaving Karen. I moved on and i guess i am happy now. My life sucks and its the same shit as always but at least i found someone who i can share the shit with instead of trying to hold onto someone i can't.

Well I would be lying if I said that I didn't understand how you feel. When I met you, I was very vulnerable. I think that my state at that time..my loneliness..drove me to convince myself that I wanted something I really didn't. You wanted things from me that I wasn't ready to give, and that ALSO had a profound effect on me. I don't want to open old wounds, and I don't want anything I say to be taken as an attack. Just trying to clear the air. To be honest, back then I felt a weight on my shoulders..an obligation to please you. I can't say that you intended that effect..that you purposely tried to manipulate me..but it felt like it sometimes. I know how much it hurt you..but it wasn't as if I came out unscathed. If you remember..I had to visit a therapist because of it. I have never been as depressed again as I was then. It had effects on me afterwards..they are hard to describe..but I react to certain things differently because of that experience.

I was angry with you as well. I disliked you for almost the same reasons. Because of all the pain that I was experiencing..and because during that time, it always seemed like you were only worried about yourself. It seemed like you were not concerned with what I was going through. Once again, not attacking you..just trying to explain how I felt.

Now...quite a lot of time has gone by. I can look back on everything now and see that what it boils down to is a painful, confusing experience..for both of us. We were experiencing the same things for different reasons. I wouldn't wish what I felt on anyone..and I regret that you had to experience it. It just seems like the entire thing was a crime with good intentions. There are a lot of things that brought us together..and a lot of things that led us apart. I don't think that either of us ever intended to cause the pain that we felt. So I can't hold a grudge over it.

If you're wondering why I happened to pick tonight to get back in touch, it's because I was visiting FA and feeling a little nostalgic. I went to your page, and then I saw that you had uploaded that picture just a couple hours ago. Seemed like the right time to maybe mend things a little.

I hope that this helps you understand a little better. I'm always open to talking about it. We aren't as emotionally involved now...so maybe we can clear things up more.

*sigh* i keep reading and rereading everything that's been said. I don't know what else there is to say. But more than that, i just understand everything too well. Bad experiences aside, i remember you in a certain light, and i don't know how much has really changed. I keep looking for reasons not to keep talking to you, and i have none, except a silly lingering ache inside heh. And then i think of the reasons we should, like putting this all aside and letting bygones be bygones... both my reasonings seem to cancel each other out and i'm left wondering what the hell to do lol. I cannot really let go of what happened, not completely, but i don't wanna hang onto any of it anymore... This almost seems like a joke... like i said it was barely two years ago that i heard you and Eva were spreading lies about me. Essentially ruining my chances with Levin, and my life, as he was offering me a fresh start and a job and what not. But i guess you probably had less to do with it than Eva, if anything at all. Hell i don't even remember where i heard your name in all that, maybe from Levin after he told me all the bad shit Eva said... that he believed without question.

Wow... totally irrelevant, guess i got carried away with something easier to think about.

Whatever, if you want to talk i'm almost always on MSN. Its on my home page. I just hope I won't regret the offer. Seems like of all the years we knew each other, regardless of how emotionally invested we were in one another, we still seemed to clash from the moment we met. I mean... i met you on a forum while i was flaming you so... yea... I'll be waiting

Well, I am in the same position I think. I'm not completely sure how talking again will work out. I can also think of reasons for and against continuing to speak to each other. Just to mention something about the thing with Levin. I didn't say what I did about you because I wanted to cause you harm. I felt like I was protecting one of my friends. Like I said, I was angry with you too and I had reasons that I felt you were untrustworthy. I thought it would turn out badly for Levin because it had for me. I didn't purposely lie about you or anything.

I know what you mean about us clashing. I don't know how that will play out this time. In the end, at least we have had a chance to talk everything over some and hopefully mend things a little. I'm not at home right now, but maybe I will add you when I get on later. Cya for now.

Ah so you did have a hand in that.. Well that's the second time you hurt me. I don't much care for Levin now because anyone who is willing to believe something so foolish... like that i have 20 mates or... some such nonsense.. in different states. Whatever it was, he obviously wasn't worth my time if he could have just tossed me aside without a moment's notice. I'm just pissed off you both convinced him I was just out to get him like some kind of predator. And i've yet to hear a single appology from anyone who was involved in the whole thing, in fact the guy who went to defend me ended up being friends with him and i still haven't gotten a single word like "I'm sorry i said those things and turned levin against you" or "I'm sorry i believed what they said so readily without giving you the benefit of the doubt because you've always been nice to me" or something...

Not to be mean but the problem between us was that you were straight and i was gay. He's not straight. So the problems you had with me were couldn't have even been part of the equation. I'm sorry if i sound pissed but there's a lot more to my side of the story and the result of what you and Karen did than i'm actually letting on. So you'll have to take my word for it when i say i have reason to be pretty pissed off.

You know i told my grandmother i was moving down there, to Florida that summer. And i never did. And she died this past summer and i never even got to say hello or goodbye.

Well I can understand that too. My intention wasn't to turn Levin against you...and the whole "20 lovers" thing was something that Karen heard from someone else that knew you and was upset with you. I think an ex or something. Either way, I just heard from Levin that you were moving in with him. It upset me because I had an opinion of you that wasn't the greatest and I felt like Levin was ignoring all of that (he didn't trust me). It wasn't that I thought Levin would have problems with you for the same reasons as we did. It was because of certain perceived personality traits of your's that I thought would cause problems. Either way, I'm sorry that I messed things up for you...but it wasn't done with that intention. I wasn't friends with you, but I was with Levin. I tried to get him to reconsider moving out to Utah the first time...and it ended up not working out for him. I just felt like he was ignoring what I had told him...sort of betraying me...idk.

It's not like Karen and I conspired. I don't even think I really talked with her anymore. I don't talk to her now.

It doesn't matter I guess. Whether you and she did conspire or not, in the end fate played the same card i suppose, you both managed to inadvertently screw something good up for me without even communicating. Hell neither of you were talking to me either, and that's.... that's pretty impressive. I just wanted a life, and to get away from the place that was sucking it out of me. So i did, and i walked into a shitty position,,, its only getting a tiny bit better as it is. After almost 2 years... mind you i moved only months after Levin ran off. Its really amazing how pissed off people get at you when you try to leave. I mean i can't just... walk out of someone's life which is probably of the norm for me (i never fancies myself loyal to any cause. i called myself an outsider from day one and i think i lived that title). But the worst part is that when i go... suddenly everyone has a shitty opinion of me. Its never "there's he goes. He was a nice, had some problems. I guess he can't stay in the same place to long" its always "That sonuvabitch left, he's such bastard. I was good to him!" Heh... everyone takes it personally. Even if i leave on a bad note... its not like i myself run around spreading lies about people. I don't lie about Karen. I call it how it is. She's a fantastic artist, very nice girl, i knew her for years. But there were some complications that i felt she caused and so i left... even now after she lied about me to Levin, all i can really say is "Fuck you". But never lied about her....

Idk now i am just venting. Sorry. I guess in the end nothing matters. Life goes on, people either suck or they don't. Everyone makes their move based on their personal needs and all you can really do is accept it eh? I don't know if i've forgiven either of you for anything... maybe that's pretty shitty of me. But on the other hand i don't think about it anymore. I'm not mad, i don't seek revenge.. i don't care i guess. It feels like stagnant anger, its been there so long its vintage. I just don't bother with it now. How can I? I have a mate whom i love whose cheated on me with everyone he knew over a hundred times over since we started dating and here i am... still... i've no time to deal with the past anymore. I'm too busy protecting myself from the inevitable crappy future.

And people wonder why i say I'm emo.

Weird how everyone seems to have all come together because of this one pic..heh..but, yeah going back on topic.

Jespah, I'm very sorry for all the drama that was caused between us and me leaving you like that. Truth is I was going through a difficult time myself, not including all the of shit I was dealing with between my family but also what I was dealing with between myself and my ex (which is a whole other story I'd rather not get into right here because it wouldn't really do much of any good. Besides Jespah you knew I was getting back together with my ex at the time) I was still really young myself at the time and made some stupid decisions. I'm not expecting you to forgive me for ditching you like that, for believing what everyone else was telling me instead of getting to know you myself. Right now I'm just wanting to apologize for doing that to you, you shouldn't of had to go through that.

Kiva, I think it's rather childish that you say I "betrayed" you by not "following" your advice. I had a lot of others telling me that it was a good thing for me to be following what will make me happy about my decision to move to Utah to live with my boyfriend at the time. I don't see how that means I "betrayed" you. Also, in your earlier post, you saying I didn't trust what you told me about Jespah..we ended up not getting together so how could you blame me of not trusting you? Regardless of all that, we're still friends obviously so all of what has just been said is a moot point, in some ways it's not though because I'm hoping everyone can mend the hurt they've put on whichever person it was derived at..


On a side not to everyone..I think this whole situation should of been posted through private messages and not on here for everyone to read. Either way though I guess it doesn't matter because now things can get resolved..hopefully.

yea it is weird. I was just looking for a picture of myself and ended up posting a few old things, now my entire past is talking to me. Well not entirely. It would be complete if Eva showed up but that won't happen.

Anyway. It's always a difficult awkward situation when someone like me ends up being confronted by the person who hurt him, and that person always ends up apologizing. Like Kiva, for example. And i'm left with two options. Either tell the person to fuck off or try to resolve the situation. Will i be an asshole if i choose the former? After all there was a lot of shit that i had to deal with, that has all but broken me since that happened, and a sorry doesn't make it better. And i cannot help but accept that if i HAD moved to florida, none of it would have happened. In fact it just wouldn't have because i would have been in a totally different situation. so i can say what i said to Kiva. I'm not mad anymore. I don't know if i forgive you. I appreciate you coming to me to say sorry but it was a little too late. Its been almost 2 years now. I've always been around and you just now came to say it. frankly i'm fed up with just about everyone in the lion king fandom, probably because they are all so close knit, so if you piss one off you can believe someone later will hear about it, in the form of outrageous lies. No offense, but you weren't all that young at the time. I mean if that was a viable excuse for everyone between 18 to 25 then some things would be so much more simple. I can understand your problems with your parents, its normal. But you believed something that was just crazy. And then you left like an asshole, you were pretty much just mean and cruel while i was begging you to listen. So... whatever. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry you have friends who lie to you. Who think they know best for you and I'm sorry you let them influence you.

I do realize what I did was very wrong. I wasn't expecting you to forgive me but, even after all this time I felt it was necessary to apologize. I'm sorry it took me this long to do so, I've had a lot of ups and downs the past couple years and, not to say this in a harsh way..kind of forgot to apologize to you..considering how at first it was because of the situation I didn't wan to. I needed some time before I could.. looking back at things, we were both foolish to just jump into something like that. I had never even met you in person and neither did you, I shouldn't of made the decision to just want to move in with someone I've never met before and I'm glad I ended up not making that decision. I'm not sorry for the friends I have in my life, I have some that are just as close as family is to me and thankful to have them. I realize the friends you're mentioning are the ones brought up in the situation between us. I guess I can't blame you for resenting them, can't blame you for resenting me. I'll stop flooding the message box in here though..anything beyond this I'd rather just converse between private messages, if even necessary.

*shrugs* its not necessary. I realize i still have shit to say but its pointless. So... just... whatever, but no more comments on this page, right. Bye