She's a VALLEY Girl! Uncanny VALLEY Girl!
VALLEY Girl! Uncanny VALLEY Girl!
Snout and tail? Fer sher fer SHER!
She's a VALLEY sow, and there is no cure!

So, like, my name's ON-drea, and like, I go to Encino High and the Prom was coming up and I was, like, TOTALLY fat! I mean, like a HOG! And so, like I wanted to go for some LIPO, y'knew, and like, all the doctors were, like TOTALLY backed up 'coz of this COVID thing, y'knew, and they couldn't GET to me before PROM, y'knew, and, I'm like, PANICKING, 'coz, like, I CAN'T go like THIS, y'knew? I mean, I'm like, all down with body POSITIVITY and all that, but like, not for ME, y'knew? So, ANYWAY… some friends of FRIENDS, like, hook me up with this, like, Body Transformation Specialst… his name's, like, Mor-EWWWW, or something, and HE says he'll, like, take me right AWAY. So, like, his rates are RILLY cheap, which is GREAT, y'knew, but the BAD part of that is… he's like an ARTIST, y'knew, so he has to do things like, HIS way? But I figure, how bad can he, like, mess up a LIPOSUCTION, y'knew? You just like, hewver the FAT off, right?

So, I get to his OFFICE, y'knew, and like, I'm getting this MAD SCIENTIST vibe off him, y'knew? But, again, I remember how CHEAP he's working, and, like there's all these DIPLOMAS on his wall, from, like, MIT and Johns Hopkins, and all these AWARDS and stuff… and I figure, I just lucked into a good DEAL. So, his nurses and stuff like… prep me and stuff… and one of them says, like, "Girl, you won't RECOGNIZE yourself when Doctor's through with you," with, this like, weird SMILE and stuff? And I'm thinking, like, what have I gotten myself INTO, y'knew? But then, like, the anesthesiologist, like, jabs me with a NEEDLE, like, and I'm, like, totally OUT, y'knew?

So the next thing I knew, I'm waking UP, y'knew, and I feel RILLY fat! Like this dude ADDED fat to me somehow! And I, like, start to TELL him, but my VOICE is really, like WEIRD, y'knew? Like I have a RILLY bad cold, or some junk, y'knew? And this Dr. Mor-eeeeww dude says, 'YES, Dear! I made you FAT! WONDERFULLY fat!" and I'm like, EWWW… he's a CHUBBY CHASER, but then he says, "But NOW you can carry it on FOUR LEGS like the lovely SOW QUEEN you were always meant to BE!"

And I'm thinking, like, dude's on SHREWMS or some junk, but then he like, holds up a MIRROR, and like… I'm a PIG! Like a REAL, LIVE, ACTUAL PIG! BARF OUT! GAG me with a SPEWN! And I try to like, SCREAM… but it comes out like a SQUEAL? And before y'knew it I'm like, RUNNING… like on FOUR LEGS like he SAID! And he, like, opens the door and says, "Run! RUN on those adorable little stumpy legs! Run and join your sister SOWS!"

And I'm like… out the DOOR and stuff, and I'm like, on this FARM, y'knew? And there's, like, HUNDREDS of PIG girls like ME just hanging out, like, rolling in MUD and eating from TROUGHS and digging in the dirt with their SNOUTS and going 'OINK OINK'… it's like… GRODY to the MAX!

So one of these SOW girls, like, comes up to me, like she's like, Lady High Queen of the SOWS or something… I could tell that, like, she probably looked like a pig BEFORE her operation, y'knew? So she says something like, "Welcome to your new LIFE," or something… you could hardly TELL… it was like, she was so used to like, oinking and squealing that she like, hardly knew how to TALK anymore!

So, like, I'm STANDING here in this MUD puddle, and there's like, these like, APPLES lying on the GROUND, like? And she like, tells me to "help yourself." I am SO SHER! I mean… they're on the GROUND? And they're half ROTTEN? And there's like, y'knew… WORMS in them? Not only is that GROSS, but, like, those WORMS had PARENTS, y'knew? I DON'T eat anything with PARENTS!

Good thing I found this like… bubble gum on the ground. I KNEW… GROSS? It doesn't taste half BAD though. It… like… still has a lot of FLAVOR, y'knew? I don't knew… EVERYTHING smells and tastes so, like, INTENSE now, y'knew? And this BODY feels… I don't KNEW… GOOD? I feel, like, so ALIVE? It's hard to *OINK* describe? Oh GAWD… did I just OINK? GROSS! Tee hee!

Anyway… Doctor Mor-EEEWW said he might fix it so I can like, go back to Encino High… if I don't mind going as the MASCOT? Mascot. *OINK* I am so SHER!