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Chris finally has a chance to get Tessa's mutant registration done, and though that process goes smoothly enough, it's overshadowed by the arrival of Dave with some very bad news, and then the surprising mutation of the man registering his daughter...
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And, here it is. The plot hole.
It's inescapable. Why doesn't Dave just call Jim back and tell him what he knows? If Jim is being a jealous and not picking up, then send him a text message? And if even that doesn't get a response, then why not plan to show up at the press conference and reveal your information then, in front of everyone, instead of just deciding not to tell him? It's really artificial, and I couldn't think of a way around it. If he shows up at the press conference, Jim changes his mind because he's not a bad person, really, and accepts help from Dave covering the expenses after letting the dragons go. If Dave doesn't show up at Chris' house, then Chris doesn't find out until that night or the next day, Sean never gets involved, Dave doesn't have an even bigger problem about Jim's plan because he doesn't know, and then the auction goes entirely differently in a way that basically prevents the plot from happening. I simply could not think of a way around it, and that's the main reason it's being posted here instead of being improved for potential publishing somewhere way down the line.
Blah. It's too bad, because aside from the gaping hole, this isn't a bad chapter.
Comments and critique greatly appreciated.
First | Previous | Next
And, here it is. The plot hole.
It's inescapable. Why doesn't Dave just call Jim back and tell him what he knows? If Jim is being a jealous and not picking up, then send him a text message? And if even that doesn't get a response, then why not plan to show up at the press conference and reveal your information then, in front of everyone, instead of just deciding not to tell him? It's really artificial, and I couldn't think of a way around it. If he shows up at the press conference, Jim changes his mind because he's not a bad person, really, and accepts help from Dave covering the expenses after letting the dragons go. If Dave doesn't show up at Chris' house, then Chris doesn't find out until that night or the next day, Sean never gets involved, Dave doesn't have an even bigger problem about Jim's plan because he doesn't know, and then the auction goes entirely differently in a way that basically prevents the plot from happening. I simply could not think of a way around it, and that's the main reason it's being posted here instead of being improved for potential publishing somewhere way down the line.
Blah. It's too bad, because aside from the gaping hole, this isn't a bad chapter.
Comments and critique greatly appreciated.
Category Story / All
Species Western Dragon
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 26.5 kB
Listed in Folders
So they all got captured... I'm curious how, especially for this: Jim is only the badguy towards dragons so long as he doesn't know that they can talk, are sentient. Did the dragons show no signs of that at being captured? no talking, shouting, whatever, they all just..got captured without a word? Since *they* do know how to talk to humans.
Volteer's right; they're nocturnal, which is why Jim picked high noon, when they'd all be asleep, to make his move.
It is, however, somewhat of a plot hole that, especially considering Carnoc was seen and they're on the defensive, they didn't post a dragon to watch the entrance while the rest slept, to prevent some sort of ambush. And a poor writing decision on my part not to write the actual scene of them being captured. >.>
It is, however, somewhat of a plot hole that, especially considering Carnoc was seen and they're on the defensive, they didn't post a dragon to watch the entrance while the rest slept, to prevent some sort of ambush. And a poor writing decision on my part not to write the actual scene of them being captured. >.>
I think the reason this hole exists is because you seem to be unwilling to make Jim the 'bad guy', your heart is right but, to make a good story (that isn't a documentary or a Hero's journey) you HAVE to make SOMEBODY the 'bad guy'. from what I see, either one of the 'rescuers' betrays the others, or Jim is too close to finally becoming a bigshot that he throws decency and common sense out the window. Plus Dave couldn't call Jim without arousing suspicion, being that he CLEARLY voiced a great disgust for his plan; it would be very contradictory.
Personally, I think: 1) that this is a repairable hole, and 2) If my insight 'saves' the story and makes it publishable, that I deserve a Medal and an honorable mention in 'the letter to the reader'/'About the author' section (I ask for no monetary compensation whatsoever!) XD
otherwise this is quite interesting and I'm left wondering what role Tessa's mutation plays (other than allowing Sean to enter the picture, of course)
Personally, I think: 1) that this is a repairable hole, and 2) If my insight 'saves' the story and makes it publishable, that I deserve a Medal and an honorable mention in 'the letter to the reader'/'About the author' section (I ask for no monetary compensation whatsoever!) XD
otherwise this is quite interesting and I'm left wondering what role Tessa's mutation plays (other than allowing Sean to enter the picture, of course)
It's not saveable. Really. It is true that Jim could play the jealousy assumption to refuse to pick up if Dave called. But would he refuse to read if Dave sent him a text message? or an email? Or if he confronted him in person at the press conference (where, at least if Jim didn't listen, other people would)? I just don't buy that it would be plausible.
Tessa's mutation was entirely a vehicle to bring Sean into the story. >.>
Tessa's mutation was entirely a vehicle to bring Sean into the story. >.>
okay, GOING to the conference, I can't find a way around that without totally sending the story off into another galaxy. You're right that is a predicament.....
oh man, that's not fair, at least have her using her abilities to show that's she "Knows what the answer is! Pick me, pick me!" that will draw attention away from that fact.
oh man, that's not fair, at least have her using her abilities to show that's she "Knows what the answer is! Pick me, pick me!" that will draw attention away from that fact.
And as getting Jim to discover the truth, agree with them, and abort the plan on his own would be the best way for all for his plan to be stopped, it's really hard to believe that they wouldn't try harder to stop him that way. Instead... well, you'll see what they come up with. >.<
My Eyes don't register Plot Holes: I read right over this one and didn't even notice.
Other than that, looks like the action will really pick up now. Interesting that there is a mutant who's half-dragon, even more interesting that he has the same abilities as Carnoc.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Other than that, looks like the action will really pick up now. Interesting that there is a mutant who's half-dragon, even more interesting that he has the same abilities as Carnoc.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Action. Yes. Maybe at some point I'll write an action scene in this story! Instead of writing a parallel scene instead, like I did here, and hoping nobody noticed I could have written about something interesting happening.
Slight facetiousness aside, thanks. :P We'll learn some more about Sean, and the dragons' future, in the next chapter.
Slight facetiousness aside, thanks. :P We'll learn some more about Sean, and the dragons' future, in the next chapter.
I've read up through this chapter so far, and I've got like... 4 chapters' worth of comments but I'm being lazy right now =b I'll just tell you over AIM, heh. I will say, "How coincidental that Sean can turn into a dragon!" Seems like if there's a mutant who can turn into a dragon, then they could sabotage the press conference and say that the dragon isn't "real" and is really a mutant and then Sean could turn into one to "prove" it. But I don't know how the press conference and such are going to go, so I'll find out whenever I can get the time to keep reading (probably tonight during tennis!) =)
Oh.. the plot hole, dam you plot hole's for breaking everything!
But well.. I actully did not notice it while just reading and not thinking about it, till you mentioned it yourself.
Well I heard of worse plot holes, but it is indeed one of the things were the reader goes 'why did he not just..' once the reader things about it.
I guess you could have changed it so that Jim and Dave get into a big fight because Jim does not want to tell Chris about the whole thing at all, and Dave still goes to tell him. And as such Jim will not listen to Dave or believe him. I know.. it does not fix the problem of just telling at the converence, but maybe Jim would keep him away from it because he is paraniod about Dave trying to stop him from success and richness?
I guess at his point I'm just giving out random(And bad?) ideas, I just like thinking outloud.
I will still read on, its still a compelling story and I will just think of it as 'they never thought of doing that'.
Anyway, I still think you are agood writer, and it sucks that you can't make any money of it.
But well.. I actully did not notice it while just reading and not thinking about it, till you mentioned it yourself.
Well I heard of worse plot holes, but it is indeed one of the things were the reader goes 'why did he not just..' once the reader things about it.
I guess you could have changed it so that Jim and Dave get into a big fight because Jim does not want to tell Chris about the whole thing at all, and Dave still goes to tell him. And as such Jim will not listen to Dave or believe him. I know.. it does not fix the problem of just telling at the converence, but maybe Jim would keep him away from it because he is paraniod about Dave trying to stop him from success and richness?
I guess at his point I'm just giving out random(And bad?) ideas, I just like thinking outloud.
I will still read on, its still a compelling story and I will just think of it as 'they never thought of doing that'.
Anyway, I still think you are agood writer, and it sucks that you can't make any money of it.
I wouldn't consider overlooking the obvious a plot hole. Reason: I do it all the time.
Heck, real history seems lazily written. The Mongols failed to invade Japan because on both attempts there happened to be a storm stopping the Mongol fleet. And WW2 seems a bit cliche on the whole imo. Then an American telegraph company had management dumb enough to turn down the telephone. I'd say someone overlooking an obvious solution is quite normal.
Heck, real history seems lazily written. The Mongols failed to invade Japan because on both attempts there happened to be a storm stopping the Mongol fleet. And WW2 seems a bit cliche on the whole imo. Then an American telegraph company had management dumb enough to turn down the telephone. I'd say someone overlooking an obvious solution is quite normal.
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