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Between work, NaNo, and my fiancee being here almost constantly for a month, I haven't submitted anything since October. Along those same lines, do you know I only wrote two poems last year? Well, here's the first for this year.
This scene happened to me all of half an hour ago. I just loved the two lines of dialogue together; I could read so much into these people just from hearing that, that I wanted to immortalize them in a short format. I do like it being short, but this may need more context, at least at the beginning, to set the scene. I don't know, it's a first draft, barely out of my head, tell me what you think.
This scene happened to me all of half an hour ago. I just loved the two lines of dialogue together; I could read so much into these people just from hearing that, that I wanted to immortalize them in a short format. I do like it being short, but this may need more context, at least at the beginning, to set the scene. I don't know, it's a first draft, barely out of my head, tell me what you think.
Category Poetry / Human
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 205 B
Listed in Folders
I like it as a launching pad, but I think it needs a lot more. What emotions did these two lines inspire in you, and how do you think it's best to communicate that to your audience? Was this a bit of conspirational bonding between mother and daughter? Was there something in the tone of the Mother that hinted at how she felt about Dad? What look passed over her daughter's face when that second line was said? I'm not even saying you need a lot more to nail the subtle emotion, if any, behind the scene, but...what are you trying to communicate here?
That being said, congratulations on being halfway to beating your 2010 output. :) I'm looking forward to seeing more poetry from you!
That being said, congratulations on being halfway to beating your 2010 output. :) I'm looking forward to seeing more poetry from you!
Haha, that's a positive way of looking at it. XD
As for the emotion, well, hm, I kind of wanted to let the reader figure out the subtext behind these, as I did. You're right that I might need a little more, maybe in how I open the mother's reply.
I don't know, do you get any of the story I got from this? (I don't want to lead, that would give away what I think this is about, at least.)
As for the emotion, well, hm, I kind of wanted to let the reader figure out the subtext behind these, as I did. You're right that I might need a little more, maybe in how I open the mother's reply.
I don't know, do you get any of the story I got from this? (I don't want to lead, that would give away what I think this is about, at least.)
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