By Autumn's Grace

by K9Lupus

The county fair had finally returned. Thank goodness. Its familiar array of glowing lights flashed in the distance beyond Tori’s bedroom window with the alluring promise of savory food stands and time spent with friends. She had worked too hard over the past few months to allow anything to interfere with her carefully laid-out plans for tonight. All of those long afternoons spent with academic tutors pounding mathematical formulas into her head would now bear fruit. She stacked the last of the folded laundry onto her bed, nudging a forgotten pair of shorts behind the hamper out of view. Close enough.

A tentative knock on the door broke Tori’s attention. “Don’t worry, I’m still here. Come in,” she called out. The broad figure of Tori’s father appeared, his eyes immediately scrutinizing the scene before him. An uncomfortable silence filled the space as his thumb and forefinger plucked away at the scraggly end of his overgrown beard. A heavy sigh heralded the dreaded shake of his head. The night’s adventure was over before it had even begun. Then, a heaping bellow of a laugh filled the room to the brim and then some.

“By the gods, you did it. I think this room is actually semi-habitable now. I thought I’d never see the day,” he said between bouts of wheezing laughter.

Tori’s eyes rolled, but she held her tongue, steadying herself for her request.

“So does this mean I can finally go out to the fair?”

“What can I say? You’ve done your share with everything I’ve asked. Go have a great time with your friends.”

“Until closing right?” Tori clarified.

“And not a minute more,” her father answered back, firm and unquestioning. “Remember, if anything goes wrong, or you start to feel weird, you call me and I’m there Pine Nut.”

Tori groaned, then closed the gap between them for a warm hug. “Sounds good. Just please, for the sake of all that is good and decent in the world do not call me Pine Nut in front of my friends again. I’m still recovering from the last time.”

“Sorry kiddo. No promises there.” An ear-to-ear grin vanquished his otherwise imposing disposition.
“Was worth a try. See ya Dad,” Tori added, patting his back before darting out of her room and grabbing her stashed bag hanging by the front door. She flung the door open, nearly putting a hole in the wall if not for the door stop. The night air brimmed with joyous possibility. Tori vaulted onto her bike, ready to embark.

“Oh, and love you!” she said, waving a hand above as she headed out past the driveway.

“I love you too sweetie,” her father said watching from the top of the front steps as his daughter pedaled hard in the direction of her salvation.

“Tonight, this town is ours!” Tori declared as the sleepy streets gave way to her unabashed splendor.

*******

The rest of the gang stood near the fair entrance in an awkward, begrudged huddle like a bunch of stranded crows, one’s face delved deep scavenging the last precious crumbs of a potato chip bag while the others argued over whether the arrangement of discarded ticket stubs used for the latest round of pictionary looked more like the intended rotund llama or its misidentified hippo counterpart. A grinding screech of wheels sent the stubs flying out in all directions.

“Sorry I’m late. Dad kept me held up,” Tori apologized, shaking her hair loose from her helmet.

“Jeez, what took you? I was about to arrange for funeral services for myself practically dying from boredom over here,” Jessica said.

“Oh, put a pipe in it,” Tori retorted as she fastened her bike lock to the nearby stand. The pair pounded fists, and with the crew now whole, they made their way inside.

The fair was everything Tori could have hoped for. In the middle of corn dog jousting and near vomit-inducing g-forces of the dubiously regulated Whirler-Max-X, Tori could finally relax her grip on her weighty, self-imposed expectations. Somehow and without fail, whenever she was with this hodgepodge, lackluster, irreplaceable group of people, the rest of the world faded into the distance for however long they each chose to reach in to propel one another forward toward their shared tomorrows.

Long waits in lines for rides eventually gave way to chasing one another around the fairgrounds, a welcomed chance for the group to showcase their ‘hardcore parkour’ skills. Tori wove her way with practiced grace through metal railings and over concrete partitions, the others close at her heels. A forked set of trees joined at the base gave an opportunity to build some further distance from the bunch. Tori vaulted through the natural opening, landing with a tumbling flourish. The others all slowed to a stop, catching their breath.

“What’s that?” Will pointed ahead to an attraction none of the group could recall seeing before. A lone, looming structure stood covered with dilapidated sheets of wood looking more like a safety instructor’s bane than a functional fun stop. A rusted sign hanging on the front bearing faded print called the strange location “The Passage: A tour of revelation to find one’s true self.” The odd-looking establishment carried a foreboding air, like the static on the tip of one’s tongue during an impending thunderstorm.

“Maybe we should just hit the bumper cars again guys,” Salvador voiced, pulling back a step from where he stood.

Tori scoffed. “Probably just some overhyped Hall of Mirrors is all.”

“Bet you won’t go in,” Jessica challenged.

“What are you offering if I do?”

“Two corn dogs and the rest of my ride tickets.”

“You only have three left!”

“Fine, fine. And one Favor. Only if you make it through without us hearing you scream or you flaring up with tetanus or whatever else is tucked up in there.”

A Favor was a prize not to be tossed out loosely. It could be redeemed for whatever someone could think of: writing a final essay, concert tickets, a lie told or a secret kept; as long as it wasn’t illegal or took more than a day to do it was fair game for a Favor. The others’ eyes widened. There was no backing down now.

“You’re on.”

*******

Despite the unsettled feeling stuck to the walls of her gut, Tori left the others to head inside. Each step up the creaky entranceway only heightened her rapidly rising anxiety. Her hand reached out to the yellow archway before her, its doorknob cold and lonesome beneath her touch. It opened – too easily, Tori thought, as if the area were welcoming its anticipated guest. Stepping inside, her friends’ cheers and warnings grew quieter and quieter until she was left with the silence and solitude of her own being.

The air was rank; a musty odor somewhere between dampened wood and the sharp tang of rusted metal filings enveloped Tori’s nose. And as strange as it was to believe, the derelict, run-down exterior of the building appeared to only be a shell – inside, the space stretched out vast, unencumbered, and unsettlingly cavern-like. The further Tori traveled, more signs of decay appeared. Manufactured walls broke down into increasingly organic shapes studded with large, projecting swaths of reflective crystal.

“No wonder this whole place closed down. There’s probably mold to high-heaven in here,” she said out loud, the faintest wisp of an echo returning back to her.

Tori continued, wondering if all of this was some elaborate joke put on by her friends. The sloping walls laced with their bold sheen of reflective surfaces dazzled her eyes. Tori could swear she could make out flecks of 'images' dwelling within the crystal - foggy, hazy outlines of herself, but none were quite right. Her ears appeared as broad, triangular shapes in an unfamiliar location at the top of her head alongside glimmers of a thick brown, black, and cream coating of something–fur–she reasoned in disbelief. On closer inspection, the features ran down the length of her back, ending in the misty outline of a broad tail sweeping back and forth behind her legs, slowly coalescing into sharper clarity.

Beyond being mere visions, the weight of these alien appendages were worn with a phantom’s touch. It was as if Tori were remembering a past forgotten, now reclaimed through the catalyzed wonders of the sights gifted by this place. She willed the odd, extra appendage to swing to one side, and it obeyed. Tori screamed. She could feel every gentle twist and pull of muscle, skin, and hair as it did so, and the sensations only expanded further still; her hands and feet became wreathed in a dense, flowing force.

She rushed forward, but the cavern only grew all the more, and the way back was cloaked in a muddy haze. The heaviness in her steps compelled Tori to rise onto the balls of her feet to continue her swift strides while her hands swung like thickened, clumsy pendulums in front of her. In her building panic, Tori ran deeper and deeper into The Passage. The images on either side grew increasingly clear as a new shape began to dominate over the retreating image of Tori’s former self, the animal invoked deep within Tori’s history and spirit having found its pathway back into reality.

Tori ran further on, the rush of the unsettling sensations coursing over her body enveloping her completely. Clumps of scraggly fur, brown and black, gleamed in the image of the mirrors as she blazed past, billowing against her skin as they came into being. Shoes were abandoned as powerful, padded hind limbs propelled each stride. Faster. Faster. Tori didn’t have the time or wherewithal to consider that she now coursed forward with all four limbs churning over the cavernous floor, her remaining clothing sloughing off into the nothingness behind her as her incredible transformation, the rekindling of her spirit’s inner light, proclaimed its being through every echoing ricochet among the rocky walls.

Her features distorted themselves further still, the remaining flecks of her humanity dissolving into nothingness as the crystalline landscape surrounding her glowed with a satisfied hum. A pale light ahead beckoned her.

An exit!

Tori’s thoughts screamed in undivided attention, her whole body flowing through its primal motions as she headed out into the nothingness before her. By the time Tori was out of The Passage, she found herself in a completely different area of town, an outskirts of woods framed by a much older pair of forked trees nearby, and in a completely different body.

Fur-covered, shaking, and overwhelmed by the flood of information filtering into her highly attuned senses, the newly-turned german shepherd dog gazed at the overlook ahead and the many lit dens of the humans that dwelled below in Horris Peaks. Behind her, there was no sign at all of her harrowing journey through The Passage. Only the stalwart watch of the forked trees were any indication that what had taken place was real. However, there was something familiar she could detect – the faintest scent dwelled in the air: warm chamomile, cocoa, and faded, sun-dried moss.

Home…Dad!

*******

Tori skirted the edges of civilization, sticking to the shadows and hidden places she could find along her route. She didn’t dare risk coming into contact with anyone in this foreign, animal body. An assault of scents and sounds flooded their way into her senses with their accompanying messages: countless, overwhelming stories to sort of those who had passed by, their intentions, and the content of their lives being lived.

Although she had traveled these roads hundreds of times before, the way back home was anything but familiar. Tori’s body felt awkward and heavy moving so close to the ground. Simple actions like hopping up onto the sidewalk curb became daunting tasks, and more than once she stumbled forward with her limbs outstretched in a hopeless mess.

Back wherever that horrible place was, at least I was moving so fast. Now I’m useless jello, she reflected with a sigh. Then Tori gathered herself, and rose again. Back on her feet after her latest fall, she shook off, her eyes focused ahead.

Don’t think too hard about it, Tori. One foot in front of…oh there’s too many…one paw at a time. That’s a bit better. You’ll figure it out.

*******

Finally, after a long journey, the sleepy, curved eye of the moon now high in the sky above, Tori saw the back fence with the rusted-over latch heralding her arrival back home. She rose up awkwardly on her hind legs, fumbling with clumsy paws to nudge the door open. However, the door stayed firmly closed despite her best efforts. She remembered the busted out corner of the fence held up by roughly-hewn composite board, which followed a mishap the previous summer while hanging out with the others. A few quick shoves of her forehead against the spot yielded the result she hoped for, except now Tori faced a new problem. While her head and neck had managed to squeeze through the narrow gap, Tori was now hopelessly stuck.

Tori whined and scrabbled her claws, the old fence heaving from her efforts to pull free. She loosed a frustrated growl, then a self-admonishing bark. The back porch light flicked on, and the silhouette of Tori’s father appeared at the sliding door. He carried a frying pan in one hand and a flashlight in the other.

“If you’re meaning for trouble, you’ve found it here,” he said, his intentions carried in the clenched grip of his hand around the pan handle as he shined the light back and forth.

Tori was briefly blinded as the light illuminated her hapless condition, her face awash with guilt and shame. Those eyes. Her father recognized the scattered flecks of green like dancing leaves in the wind caught up in the huge brown pools of the large dog before him. Despite everything else that had shifted during Tori’s incredible change, they had stayed the same—at least to him.

“Oh no…Tori? Astoria, sweetie, is that you?”

A sullen whine answered back. Tori’s father rushed ahead with utmost haste, discarding the frying pan with a clang, and nearly yanked up the whole fence with his full-bodied effort.

“Now just what have you been getting yourself up to?” He grunted as he set his legs and pulled away even harder. Tori continued to dig and twist, her paws carving up the manicured grass below into dirt mincemeat. With a heavy jolt, Tori finally slipped free, flung forward ungracefully onto her chin with the rest of her transformed body now visible to her father.

He didn’t flinch or retreat from her. Neither did he shout or cast her aside. He simply knelt down, pressed his hands into the thick scruff of her neck, and held her close, just as he always had.

“I figured this day would happen sooner or later. Come on in. It’s about time I told you everything I should have long ago.”

*******

Tori made herself comfortable laying down across the soft living room carpet. Her father settled nearby into his favorite chair, a plume of steam rising from the warm cup of tea in his hands.

Even though her body knew she was safely home, Tori’s mind was still racing. What happens now? Will I always be this way? she pleaded to her father through her yearning, sorrowful gaze

“Where do I even start with something like this?” he mumbled under his breath, then managed a weak smile.

He began his tale: a story of love and promise, of loss and grief, and of a magic found in a most unexpected manner.

*******

“Long before I had moved out here to Horris Peaks, June–from the pictures you’ve asked about before–and I actually lived together over in the Alloway Woods. June, she liked to keep her company from other people, and honestly I couldn’t fault her for it. People have a way of getting themselves all tangled up every which way in your heart whether you’d like them to or not. This is years before you were ever a part of our lives. We had a cabin out that way. It was quiet, cozy and content, and we got from the land whatever we needed. It wasn’t much, but it was a home because it had her, and because we had each other.

“Now, something you need to know is that somewhere along the way, June and I wanted to be able to share our home with someone other than ourselves. We tried–oh gods know we tried–but nothing ever came to be. I think somewhere along the way it broke her heart to think that it’d only ever be us. Least, that’s what she told herself. I kept hope something–anything–would change. And just in that funny way that life happens to operate sometimes, that’s when you came around, but not anyway like you might think.

“One day, I was heading outside to fetch some more water for us from the stream when I saw her–your mother–roaming in the woods. Poor thing was lean as a rail. I had seen glimpses of her from time to time, but never really paid her any mind. She didn’t cause us any trouble, so I didn’t bother her either. But it was clear to me she wasn’t well. I’m not sure what happened to the other pups she had, but you were the last one still holding on. She approached me, something she had never done before, and that’s when I knew it was serious. You were sickly, barely moving at all when your mother placed you down on the ground at my feet. Those deep brown eyes of hers were pleading: ‘I’ve done all I can. Please help me with this one.’”

He paused, wiping away a warm streak of tears threatening to roll down his cheek. “You’ve got your mother’s eyes Tori.” Tori pulled herself up, a whimper spilling free of her lips as she rested her head against her father’s rotund stomach, even more warm and comforting than the rug, and stayed there as he continued the rest of his story.

“There was something about the way you were fighting so hard to live that I couldn't ignore. But, for as much as I had done taking care of June and I there, I didn’t know much about how to restore a little puppy back from the brink.

“I gathered you up in my arms. You were cold and shivering. Your mother looked like the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders. Man, I wish I could have met her expectations. She shuffled off back into the woods, and in my heart I hoped that I would see her again, but I knew the wilds were not kind to those unable to meet its challenges.

“But even with my efforts, your condition continued to worsen. Your breathing grew shallow even as I stayed with you by the warmth of the fire. June tried to help as best she could, but…eventually you succumbed to whatever blight was affecting you. When you were still and silent, I brought you outside. But I tell you Astoria, I didn't have the heart to bury that poor little darling of a creature who had struggled so hard.

“It was autumn, and so instead I laid you to rest atop a cradle of freshly-turned earth beneath a scattering of the most beautiful leaves I could find. And with your body I placed the last flower in bloom I could still pluck from the ground. And Tori, I wished with all my might that the little being would find rest and a good life to follow wherever it went. But clearly you are here right now, and while I still don’t know what forces brought you back, I’ve been grateful to them ever since.

“In the morning, when I had gone and visited the same spot to gather materials: wood…herbs…anything to keep my mind off of the sadness eating away at my heart, I was surprised to hear the squalling cry of a baby from the place where I had rested the pup. A tiny hand was crinkling in the leaves, and I ran over to find a large, healthy bundle of joy there just having the time of its life. The body of the pup was gone, and I noticed that near the place where I had rested the flower over the creature’s side, the infant in front of me bore a similar birthmark there–same one you’ve always had, even now.”

Tori’s father directed his finger over the bold, feather-edged white patch cresting across some of Tori’s ribs.

“It should have been a time of joy. I was ecstatic. I didn’t care how or why the child had gotten itself there. All I knew was this was the chance for the kid I had never been able to have brought in front of me. June though…she was far less thrilled than I. She was wary about messing in the ways of magic or unknowns she didn’t understand. I said she was looking a gift horse in the mouth. A rift formed between the two of us, but I wasn’t going to stop loving you Pine Nut.
“Eventually, June made claims that I was spending my time and energy caring for something that wasn’t real when she was right there in front of me. And not long after that kicked up…she left.

“I’ve had a long time to think it over as I’ve raised you, and I don’t fault her for those terrible things she said. I just think she was hurting too bad about other stuff without a place to put all of those feelings. But still, I would never abandon you, and as you got older, I pledged I would give you a life you could enjoy and be proud of.

“As you grew up, I thought maybe that part of you had been lost to whatever force had caused you to become human, but it seems like it might have taken all of this time for your past to catch up to you. I was planning on telling you if I ever noticed any signs, but I didn’t think if it happened it would be this fast or so…complete. Again, I’m sorry. I’m not going to ask for your forgiveness in hiding the truth from you; I only ask for time, so we can figure out what to do—together.”

Tori licked her father’s face once, her ears pulled back tight to her skull as she took in the incredible tale of her origins. His sincerity was there, but many more questions had spawned through the revelations. It was all too much to take in. Tori’s body slumped forward, exhausted and spent.

“Rest now. Tomorrow’s another day. We’ll go from there.”

Tori lifted slowly into the air, her father’s arms draped around her furry heft. She didn’t protest. Even if she wanted to, she didn’t have the energy for it. Together, they made their way to Tori’s bedroom where she was laid gently atop her bed.

“Goodnight my little Pine Nut.” He kissed her forehead goodnight, then stepped quietly away, shutting the door behind him with a soft sigh.

From down the hall, Tori’s new, highly attuned ears captured her father’s every exhausted breath between his stifled sobs. Sleep found her soon after, whisking her beneath its dark curtain toward an uncertain dawn.

*******

Tori woke the next morning huddled within a pile of arranged blankets scooted around her. She stirred, stretching sore and fatigued limbs. Her changes hadn’t abated in the least, and to any outside observer, Tori would have appeared to be the most comfortable dog in the world. As she came to her senses, thoughts of her incredible transformation the previous day came to mind: the dazzle of the crystals within the passage, the overwhelming anxiety afterward, and the warmth of her father’s breath against her cheek whispering, “Goodnight.”

Her stomach growled with incessant need. The drive to satiate her sudden, ravenous hunger drove her off the cozy bed in pursuit of something–anything–to eat. Tori nosed the ajar door open and proceeded down the hallway, her claws clacking in rhythmic taps as she went. Another sound from the kitchen piqued her interest; the sizzle of a hot pan nearby filled the living room with an intoxicatingly delicious scent. Her tongue spilled free of her mouth; her ears perked forward. Tori’s head shook hard to force her tongue back, but moments later it had lolled itself into view again.

Her father’s sudden laugh brought on a low growl of embarrassment with Tori’s tail tucking itself firmly between her legs. “Sorry sweetie. I couldn’t help it seeing you so excited for my cooking. Figured you’d need a big meal after everything yesterday. And don’t worry, as far as anyone’s concerned, you’re home sick today.”

Tori wheeled around the corner and saw a breakfast spread waiting for her beside the table: eggs, bacon, and heaps of toast all on an oval tray. Within seconds, she was fumbling around with her paws to help work food into her muzzle. Her face bumped and slid along the tray with unladylike morsels clinging to her lips, but Tori’s father held from laughing any further. He sat beside her, enjoying a scoop of simple oatmeal from the bowl in his hand.

With her body focused on feeding itself, Tori’s mind wandered. Something about the story she heard from her father about how she had come to be didn’t sit well. If her actual mother had brought her to him to be raised, what ended up becoming of her? The thought she potentially lived her last days alone in those woods troubled Tori. A powerful compulsion surfaced; she had to stitch the remaining broken pieces of her story together. Only then would she be able to find peace in this new life for herself.

“What’s wrong Tori?” her father asked as she left the food tray and wandered with purpose into the living room. There it was—she spotted the photo in question: her father and June holding one another along a woodsy path. Only June’s face was devoid of the otherwise heavy layer of dust coating the picture and frame. Tori reared up, planting her front paws on the wall as she carefully tilted her head to grab the photo in her jaws.

She returned to her father’s side, laying the photo on his lap before voicing a resounding bark of her unwavering intention. Tori sat back on her haunches, her eyes full of the drive her father knew so well. There was no stopping her when she had that look on her face. One hand reached to grab the photo in his hand while the other stroked his daughter’s furry brow.

“I see. We’ll go back there. Maybe you’ll be able to find what I could not after all this time.”

END

*******

Oh boy, it's been a hot minute since my last post here, hasn't it?

I'd love to say that that my time away has been the kind of hermetic retreat where I emerge with gained hidden wisdoms of the world, but the truth is 2022 has just been a rough go around for me in a lot of different areas. A lot of healing has had to take place, and there are still ongoing challenges, but I want to continue to find a path to share with all of you. :) Please know that in this time I have been quite attentive to all of the support you each have shared, and I am thrilled that so many of you have been touched and inspired by my works. Thank you so much for offering light this whole way by choosing to share your time and energy here with my tales. <3

So today I bring you a work commissioned by the Marvelous, Many-Tailed featuring a fun, off-the-cuff concept brought to life. It was a joy and pleasure getting to work on this idea for her, and I hope it can herald many more works soon to follow ^^. Where would your travel through The Passage bring you? Feel free to share below alongside any other feedback/comments you might have. Thank you again for cheering so loud. I hear you all, and I'm so grateful. <3

Heaping howls for the whole lot of you,

~Lupus

*******

Interested in getting a story commissioned by me? I am currently open! I'd love to get the chance to bring your ideas to life. My commission info can be found here:

K9 Lupus Commission Info

If you'd like to gain early access to more work like this and other transformation stories/illustrations, please check out my Patreon page at the link below where you'll gain access to exclusive content and story updates before they are publicly released by choosing to support my work for as little as $1. Every bit goes towards me continuing to do what I love and sharing it with all of you.

Click here to check out my Patreon page!

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