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Life's A Chibi: Cutting Ties
We like to feel like we can connect to someone who we can relate to and get along with - to have conversations with, to be yourself around, and to feel joy to have them in their company. They like to keep good ties to them so they can feel like they belong, loved, welcomed and excepted. Its like a tether connected to both parties so they can always find each other. Communication is the twine that helps solidify the line between the two as they can talk about almost anything - reaching a mutual understanding, or even have a close mental connection. The bond becomes stronger if the connected person will always be there for the other though thick and thin throughout emotional, mental and physical crisis; a life line to someone they trust and respect and someone who will always be there for you. The closer the connection, the shorter the tie, the stronger the bond.
However, people can change in many ways. At first, they seemed like amazing people and those you can hold casual and personal conversations with - people you considered friends with and develop a strong bond with. After a while, you get to see small glimpses in what they really think or believe, either from experience or word of mouth. They started to think differently and show a side of them that I never thought was possible. This could be triggered by past trauma, recent events, other social connections, or personal reasons. It's like an uncomfortable aura around them - the closer you get, the more you feel it. Wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt, you still try to hold a connection to them to see if this aura was really real or if the other is just having a bad moment. But the more you kept that bond, the more toxicity the other emitted, infecting you and health to the point where the other is keeping you from self healing. So you only have one resort: to cut ties with the one causing you harm; unfollow, block, delete, walk away, ignore, etc.
Your health is important. If you are friends with someone who is causing you constant pain and misery, its best to move away from them as much as possible, removing them from your life. Life is already hard enough and you don't want others connected to you to be as much as a detriment to your well being. You deserve to be happy and surrounded with those who share positivity than negativity. If you are connected to others who are also tied to the one you cut lose, let them decide if they want to cut ties with them or not. All you can do is tell them about your experience and let them be the one to sever the connection.
Protect yourself. Be with people you feel comfortable with. Have ties to those who are a positive influence to your mental and physical health.
artwork © 2022 Alex Cockburn
However, people can change in many ways. At first, they seemed like amazing people and those you can hold casual and personal conversations with - people you considered friends with and develop a strong bond with. After a while, you get to see small glimpses in what they really think or believe, either from experience or word of mouth. They started to think differently and show a side of them that I never thought was possible. This could be triggered by past trauma, recent events, other social connections, or personal reasons. It's like an uncomfortable aura around them - the closer you get, the more you feel it. Wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt, you still try to hold a connection to them to see if this aura was really real or if the other is just having a bad moment. But the more you kept that bond, the more toxicity the other emitted, infecting you and health to the point where the other is keeping you from self healing. So you only have one resort: to cut ties with the one causing you harm; unfollow, block, delete, walk away, ignore, etc.
Your health is important. If you are friends with someone who is causing you constant pain and misery, its best to move away from them as much as possible, removing them from your life. Life is already hard enough and you don't want others connected to you to be as much as a detriment to your well being. You deserve to be happy and surrounded with those who share positivity than negativity. If you are connected to others who are also tied to the one you cut lose, let them decide if they want to cut ties with them or not. All you can do is tell them about your experience and let them be the one to sever the connection.
Protect yourself. Be with people you feel comfortable with. Have ties to those who are a positive influence to your mental and physical health.
artwork © 2022 Alex Cockburn
Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 920 x 895px
File Size 214.7 kB
Listed in Folders
Well that's also a toxic personality.
Toxicity is not monolithic. I don't have the time to describe psychology right now but the overall point of the image and its message is not to just Twitter people out of your life because you disagree or some well meaning criticism has been expressed. However, 4chan levels of constantly tearing somebody down is not healthy either.
It's about being able to pick out narcissists, manipulators, and general bad actors who make your life more miserable and cutting them out when no other options are available.
Toxicity is not monolithic. I don't have the time to describe psychology right now but the overall point of the image and its message is not to just Twitter people out of your life because you disagree or some well meaning criticism has been expressed. However, 4chan levels of constantly tearing somebody down is not healthy either.
It's about being able to pick out narcissists, manipulators, and general bad actors who make your life more miserable and cutting them out when no other options are available.
I mean, that is a good defense anymore.
Though people in the real world are so much worse. Not in general. In general interaction the internet is far worse. But personal relationships are way harder in the real world, and toxic people in meat space are the ones you really have to get rid of. Internet people are as easy to cut off as muting a chat. Mostly. haha
Though people in the real world are so much worse. Not in general. In general interaction the internet is far worse. But personal relationships are way harder in the real world, and toxic people in meat space are the ones you really have to get rid of. Internet people are as easy to cut off as muting a chat. Mostly. haha
It helps a lot more simply to refrain from being judgmental and labelling others, for example, "toxic people." Like what you did above with your comment: "You are probably the toxic person." Can you really be justified in forming an opinion like that about someone else, based on nothing more than a one-sentence comment? Refraining from judging others makes life a whole lot easier. And from that, you might even progress toward being able to forgive them for the negative traits you think they have.
Useful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smpHE7AiGAo
Useful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smpHE7AiGAo
See, you're attributing a negative motivation to me already. You don't have to do that. How about thinking about positive motives I could have instead?
To clarify what I meant: I've had to cut ties with people before, because for one reason or another, our relationship wasn't working and brought me down. But that often had as much (or more) to do with my own personality and circumstances (and that word is important) as it did with theirs. Maybe being around them just stirred up too many bad memories in me that I couldn't let go of, or maybe I felt I was harming them and they would be better off without me. I've never cut ties with someone and blocked them because I considered them a "toxic person," or to have a "toxic personality." But I have been on the receiving end of that kind of judgmentalism before, and it is... well... "toxic." It's corrosive. Once you start bringing out labels like that, it's nearly impossible to have a positive relationship with someone. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
To clarify what I meant: I've had to cut ties with people before, because for one reason or another, our relationship wasn't working and brought me down. But that often had as much (or more) to do with my own personality and circumstances (and that word is important) as it did with theirs. Maybe being around them just stirred up too many bad memories in me that I couldn't let go of, or maybe I felt I was harming them and they would be better off without me. I've never cut ties with someone and blocked them because I considered them a "toxic person," or to have a "toxic personality." But I have been on the receiving end of that kind of judgmentalism before, and it is... well... "toxic." It's corrosive. Once you start bringing out labels like that, it's nearly impossible to have a positive relationship with someone. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I used to be friends with one person who was like this. Never really could figure out why I was still friends with him as we would always argue nonstop, we found it hard to agree on stuff, and it was difficult being in public around him as having social etiquette was never his strong suit. I broke all ties a few months ago and it's been for the better.
Ugh, for real. I'm going through this with a friend of mine. They're not outwardly mean, they're pretty nice even, but they're very neglectful of our relationship and don't take any initiative.
They're the kind of person that says "I would enjoy doing things together" but doesn't act on it, or even mention things we could do, instead just leaves it all to me.
They're the kind of person that says "I would enjoy doing things together" but doesn't act on it, or even mention things we could do, instead just leaves it all to me.
Few months back, some drama happened between some friends of mine. Because a person I had brought into a small Discord server was banned, I reached out to the moderators that dealt with it, hoping to get some insight, if only to know whether or not I should consider cutting ties with the person. One mod was having a rough time and wasn't up for talking, while the other completely shut me out, basically just giving me the "it's fine, go play outside" treatment. A month later the first still didn't want to talk, but they could see it was bothering me to have only half the story, so they gave me the details I was missing so it could be laid to rest, but until that point I had only the banned friend's side of the story, which they had shared in full with every flaw and mistake they had made, even going so far as to give me screenshots of conversation instead of paraphrasing for full transparency. The second mod has been acting like nothing ever happened, and the drama was never public enough for other people to question why the banned is gone, so there's no way for me to confront that mod without making it messy. It hurts to know what used to be such a good friend thinks I'm so weak I can't even be trusted to handle basic information, and with their continued silence towards me since, it's only a matter of time before my trust in them is so broken that I'll have to cut ties for my own sake. But even though it hurts every time I see them post or be in voice, I'm just.. Not quite ready to let go yet..
I have several short stories.
Best friend found the love of his life but she forced him to change. We cut all ropes to him.
Another friend found other... friends and ended up in jail.
One friend lost his job thanks to covid and decided to enjoy it. Just imagine End Game Thor, only fat. And lazy...
And another suffered a mental breakdown when he lost his parents. Now he is acting weird. Mental unstable, near insanity.
At first I tried to stay in contact. To help, for our friendship sake. But it was dragging me down too...
Best friend found the love of his life but she forced him to change. We cut all ropes to him.
Another friend found other... friends and ended up in jail.
One friend lost his job thanks to covid and decided to enjoy it. Just imagine End Game Thor, only fat. And lazy...
And another suffered a mental breakdown when he lost his parents. Now he is acting weird. Mental unstable, near insanity.
At first I tried to stay in contact. To help, for our friendship sake. But it was dragging me down too...
I've been on both sides you want to help your friends and ect and you want to be helped but its the issue of a burning horse. The burning horse will kick you if you get too close its too scared and too angry to control itself. When I was in that toxicity myself I did my best to isolate and deal with my own issues but some people can't help but spread it
I relate to this like... a lot, for the past 7 years I had someone I called my closest friend, someone who I could vent to and I thought would be there for me. I truly thought they were someone I could trust. But when they started hanging out in my other friend groups. Their narcissism really shined through. I eventually split away from them when I kept catching onto them treating others around them like trash just because they didn't get their way or just simply because they're heavily miserable.
I will never forget the last message I sent to them suggesting them therapy when they prior has kept massively venting to me about how they were going into mania and how they felt like they were going to kill themselves. They basically did a whole 360 on me and told me that they were at the happiest of their life and that I completely ruined theirs and to never talk to them again. (Almost as if they were lying about being depressed to take advantage hmmm) as much as that message hurt me I think I've been better off without them. I'm not as angry at people as I once was before and I've made better connections with people who actually care about my well-being. I don't have the weight of someone's negativity and family issues constantly strapped around me.
I can only hope in the future karma comes back around to them :/
I will never forget the last message I sent to them suggesting them therapy when they prior has kept massively venting to me about how they were going into mania and how they felt like they were going to kill themselves. They basically did a whole 360 on me and told me that they were at the happiest of their life and that I completely ruined theirs and to never talk to them again. (Almost as if they were lying about being depressed to take advantage hmmm) as much as that message hurt me I think I've been better off without them. I'm not as angry at people as I once was before and I've made better connections with people who actually care about my well-being. I don't have the weight of someone's negativity and family issues constantly strapped around me.
I can only hope in the future karma comes back around to them :/
Yeah. But maybe talk to the person befor that about Problems
Like, we cant be friends with every nice person all the time that we meet. thats totally normal to not have much contact with or simply forgetting to write them
But if you try to care for a person, at least talk with them. And see if they see value in your critic
Some people are just the way they are, some people become clearly toxic very fast. but many people just have a social shell that they wear for the fear of being hurt and cast out all the time
So of course some behaviour will change the closer you get to them. And as long as you can work together on maintaining a healthy friendship, it isnt neccessary to cut ties
and even if it is, i recommend that you still try to be nice and polite about it. I am incredible fearfull of being anoying and becomeing a castout all the time. and if a person has issues with me, i would prefer for them to talk with that over me first, befor stopping to talk with me.
Like, we cant be friends with every nice person all the time that we meet. thats totally normal to not have much contact with or simply forgetting to write them
But if you try to care for a person, at least talk with them. And see if they see value in your critic
Some people are just the way they are, some people become clearly toxic very fast. but many people just have a social shell that they wear for the fear of being hurt and cast out all the time
So of course some behaviour will change the closer you get to them. And as long as you can work together on maintaining a healthy friendship, it isnt neccessary to cut ties
and even if it is, i recommend that you still try to be nice and polite about it. I am incredible fearfull of being anoying and becomeing a castout all the time. and if a person has issues with me, i would prefer for them to talk with that over me first, befor stopping to talk with me.
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