INTELLIVISION FIBS
by Super Train Station H

---

Intellivision fans sigh
and say "here we go"
whenever discussion comes up
about that damn Amico.

Toothless vanity project,
fueled by avarice and ego
straight from the ambitions of one Tommy Tallarico,
integrity that melts under the slightest heat, like snow
barely completed games that aren't fit to be shown,
making podcasters get catty
at prototypes that look shabby -
clearly they're full of bugs,
dragging the Intellivision brand
straight through the false hype mud.

Mattel sure is glad they have no connection to this -
mismanaged brand revival console
that's an obvious miss.

Based on nostalgia,
but the historical games
from the 70's and 80's aren't on the list,
just uninspired recreations
that doom the project like Death's kiss.

The Blue Sky Rangers can't scramble their fighters to stop this -
there's a long line of partisans
ready to blindly defend it.

They were promised Tommy interviews and VIP access -

But access to what?

Access to one man's egotistical smelly butt?

Project goals don't get met,
but they toss it up to bad luck:

"Trust us, we're an experienced company -
but we're also a start-up."

"Remember our old glory days?
Well, we're back to delight the nation -
but this is our first product,
so please people, be patient."

Make up your mind!

I'm fed up!

And the excuses don't add up.

Blame coronavirus again?
Dang yo, I've heard enough.

Analogue Pocket made it out,
I know, today I played mine today on the bus.

Playdate shipped to gamers,
so in Panic we know we can trust.

And Evercade Vs. hit stores in a Blaze,
that's the way you make a system for actual vintage games.

Tommy wanted nostalgia,
and he went all out, as you'd expect
cause like in the old days,
Intellivision got beat to shelves by VCS.

The new Atari VCS is a joke with no future,
day one - it was dead,
but at least it tripped over the starting line
before Amico could make it out of bed.

Building a cult-like following,
while legitimate interest tapers,
no wonder low funds show
on investment proposal papers.

Point out Amico's problems
and you get called a "gaming racist",
because saying a video game sucks
is the same as genocidal hatred.

Tommy can't withstand hot takes,
but says his critics are snowflakes,
politicizing every little thing
makes his game system look lame.

Vilifies anyone that won't take a seat on his flat ride,
while people who stayed on board,
watch their pre-order dough get fried.

All they had to do was make an Intellivision mini-system,
make all the vintage games,
playable on modern televisions,
include overlays for replica keypad controllers,
and retro gaming fans would keep the money in-going.

But no,
they had to be big shots,
cause they have
big roller ambitions,
but making a product people want
was never part of their mission.

They made a solution to a fake problem about which no one complained,
then accused Nintendo Switch of having sex abuse games.

Wait? Really? Hold on -
This story's bigger than King Kong,
they spent German taxpayer funds on this damn bomb!

Foxes are wild beasts,
but "Finnegan Fox" looks tame,
and they tried selling people empty boxes with no games -
empty hope with nothing for the gaming public to see,
a hustle Nick Wilde would size up and say,
"No way, you lost me."

They said,
"Look at our games! You wanna play this today, we bet!"
and when people weren't impressed, they said,
"It's unfair to judge them yet!"

Which is it Tommy?

Between reality and his words there's a schism,
every claim breaks apart
like light through a bull prism.

It's sad that Intellivision's main modern exposure,
is bad drama, broken promises, and lack of composure.

I'll play the classic games,
and defend that strange old controller,
but sticking up for Amico
would be like trying to push a boulder.

It would be exhausting, and unfun, so why even try?

Intellivision Lives,
but this brand mismanagement needs to die.

---

Thanks for reading!

And posted on 10-10-2022, the 2 year anniversary of this nightmare project's originally announced launch date.

PHOTO CREDIT:
Intellivision Productions (I refuse to link to them, at the risk that they might take your money in bad faith)

ART CREDIT:
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/keetahspacecat/

WHAT IS THIS EVEN ABOUT?
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?li.....b4MTJGZaZdT4FU

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