A new (possible) series with a first person perspective and a gassy eastern dragon friend! Yay! :)
This is essentially an introduction to a character I've been brainstorming for a while named Vapor, who is a fluffy Japanese-style dragon. The human in the story is essentially myself, although the story mainly focuses on Vapor and his playful/gross habits.
If people like this, I may turn it into a series, so let me know if you want to read more! :)

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Soft and Smelly

“Comfy down there?” giggled the dragon as he rubbed his fluffy blue rump on me and purred, “I sure hope so, since I’m probably gonna be sitting here for a while!”
“You stink buddy,” I said to him amiably as he continued to make himself comfortable, “What have I told you about wiping yourself after you go to the bathroom?”
“You told me not to wipe on you, so I don’t… usually,” he laughed again, “Unless it’s a really stinky poop, in which case it’s too funny to resist!”
“You’re a very disgusting dragon, you know that?” I teased him, “Surely I’ve taught you better manners than this?”
“Hey, I can use a toilet, I wipe when I’m done, I don’t wet the bed, and I’m fully housebroken,” proclaimed the dragon, “I’d say that’s pretty good manners.”
“Yeah, but the first and last one are practically the same thing,” I replied, “Even if you do all those things, you stink up the bathroom, use me for toilet paper, pee in the shower, and gas up the house with your dragon-sized farts.”
“Hey, you pass gas, too,” the dragon observed.
“Yeah, but not in people’s faces,” I said, “And I don’t sit on them and do it, either.”
“Speaking of which…” the dragon changed the subject and punctuated his point with a loud burst of gas in my face, “Ahhh… there goes that chili I had earlier!” He became overcome with laughter, causing a series of small toots to exit his furry bottom.
“Gah! That stinks! No more chili for you! And I mean it this time!” I yelled up at him.
“You always say that, but you let me have more, ‘cuz you really love me,” the dragon laughed, “And that’s why you’re such a good friend!” He let another gassy fart, longer than the first, on me, “And that’s just my butt’s way of saying thank you!” he giggled and farted some more, the stench spreading outwards.
Now, I love my dragon an awful lot, but they’re very gassy creatures. It’s not their fault, and I don’t blame them for it, but their sense of humor can be more than a little disgusting sometimes. I’m okay with an occasional fart, but using me for toilet paper can often get a little grosser than I’d like. Still, Vapor has such a fun-loving personality that I can’t stay too angry with him, especially since he’s always there when you need a hug. And his soft, silky fur means he gives really good hugs.
Vapor looks like a Japanese furry dragon, like in the movie Spirited Away, except he’s more of a sky blue all over, not white. Well, maybe not all over… he often has trouble keeping his butt really clean. Anyway, he has thick blue fur, green eyes, two antlers on his head, and a pair of whiskers jutting out from either side of his snout. No wings. I say that he looks like a Japanese furry dragon because he’s not actually from Japan. I know this because he thought Shinto was a type of vegetable. He told me that he’s from a magical realm where humans and dragons co-exist, but that he comes over here “ ‘cuz the food’s much better”. I wouldn’t believe him, except that he does really love fast food, especially nachos. I tend to keep him away from fast food (especially nachos), because it gives him bad gas… but then again, so does anything with beans or broccoli in it.
As you might be able to tell from the situation he’s currently put me in, Vapor has no real manners when it comes to hygiene. He farts whenever he needs to, wipes himself however he pleases, and empties his bladder in the shower… even if we happen to be showering together, which isn’t awkward since he’s an animal. Not the peeing (that’s gross), the showering. It’s like showering with your dog. If your dog was three times your size, fifteen feet long, and covered in blue fur. I’ve never really wanted a dog, but I really like Vapor. You can’t talk to your dog about your favorite movie or listen to your dog talk about the other world he comes from. Well, nobody I know can anyway. Then again, your dog probably won’t wander in to take a dump when you’re in the shower or fart in your face to wake you up in the morning.
Having a dragon for a best friend is not easy, gross sense of humor aside. Since most people don’t know that dragons are real, and everyone seems to think that they’re really dangerous when they see them, Vapor has to keep hidden around strangers or in any kind of public place. Now, my family knows about Vapor, and he knows not to prank them since they don’t like it at all, but of course dragons can’t go flying around in public very easily without being noticeable. Thankfully, Vapor knows a trick from the magical realm he comes from which is extremely useful whenever he needs to go anywhere. He can literally transform into water vapor! He is able to keep his molecular structure stable enough when in this state so that he doesn’t drift apart, but don’t ask me about the science behind it, because chemistry was never my forte. Whenever we go traveling, Vapor turns himself into a gas and speeds along behind us. I tease him that he’s able to do this since he’s so full of gas anyways, but it really is an amazing talent, and it allows him to follow me just about anywhere without being noticed whenever he comes to visit.
Which isn’t always a good thing. Whenever we go traveling and stay at a hotel, Vapor likes to get in the elevator, just the two of us. You think regular farts in an elevator are bad? Imagine being pressed against the back behind a mass of dirty blue butt-fur. And then of course he has to press the highest floor button so he’s got time to pass plenty of gas by the time we get there. Then, of course, its always fun when the doors open for someone to get on and they glare at you for the smell. “That wasn’t me! That was my dragon… who happens to be a cloud of water vapor right now.” And then Vapor has to hold all his gas in while he’s phased into water vapor, so it all comes blasting out as soon as he re-solidifies. This is a lot of fun after a four-hour car drive, since he usually likes to sit on me first.
Like he’s doing right now. It really stinks down here, too, as you can probably imagine. Vapor weighs a decent amount less than some of his scalier friends (he’s introduced me to a few, at least the ones that can hide themselves when they travel), but that doesn’t mean its fun being stuck under his big butt. He usually keeps himself relatively clean, but there’s always a bit of filth that gets dried in his butt-fur. He needs regular showers to stay smelling fresh, which is about once every week or so. He visits about every other month or so, and stays for two or three week periods, although he likes to come around during the holidays for the food and company. The holidays are different in his world, so nothing really coincides except Valentine’s Day, when I save him some candy. He has quite a sweet tooth, and I don’t have much of one, so it works out nicely.
“Pfffrrrtt! Prrruuupp!” rumbled the gas from his bottom, warm air and stink resounding over my face. “Frrrraaatt!” Vapor giggled and wiggled his soft, furry rear around on me, playfully scooting from side to side every time another fart burst from his anus. “Prrrruuutt!”
“This is fun!” he laughed, as an airy gas bubble exited onto my face, “I like farting on you, ‘cuz you’re nice and comfy!” He rubbed his bottom to get comfy again.
“You almost done up there?” I groaned, “I’m pretty sure you’ve been farting for almost three whole minutes, buddy.”
“Almost,” Vapor assured me, releasing another “prrruuurrrtt!” and wiggling a bit, “I think I’m almost ready for the grand finale!”
‘Uh-oh,’ I thought. This was going to be nasty.
When dragons say “grand finale” as far as gas is concerned, they mean they’ve got a big one coming. They’ll really only use this term if they’ve been passing gas repeatedly, and even though they may not be sitting on you, they’ll have been farting where you can smell it: in your face, pressed against their butt, walking directly upwind of you, etc. Vapor, like a lot of dragons, usually builds up a serious case of gas and has to fart intensely over short periods of time. There are always a few farts in-between these build ups, and even a few larger gas bubbles that will need to be passed, but most of a dragon’s flatulence occurs in spurts, and these spurts are both increased in number and prolonged in length when they eat something they shouldn’t (anything with too much fiber in it). If they’ve got you pressed by their butt somehow, they’ll usually reposition so their anus is directly in your face… yes, that’s even grosser than it sounds.
Vapor shifted his bottom around on me, scooting his fluffy blue hindquarters back until he was sitting right on top of my face. I knew this was going to really stink. His butt-hole was directly over my nose, surrounded by his stinky butt-fur, so even before he ripped things smelt pretty gross. When a dragon sits on you, they’ll position themselves so their whole bottom is covering you, with their tail-hole hovering over your face without actually being on it. You can still smell their butt, and you’re stuck under there, but it’s not touching your face. When it’s “grand finale” time, they’ll actually sit down on your face and relieve gas, which is how Vapor was sitting on me right now.
“Here comes!” he giggled, and his bowels gurgled horribly above me.
“FFFFFRRRRRAAAATTT!” blasted Vapor’s rump, gas spilling from his anus over my face in an enormous wave of odor and warmth. His fart continued for a full eight seconds, gas blasting out in a surging cacophony of flatulent wind. When it was finally over, he sighed with deep relief.
“Ahhh… well, I sure feel better now!” he collapsed into a fit of laughter, as he scooted his rump off my face, but still sat on me.
I lay there for a moment, blinking in disbelief as the gas cloud lingered in the air. The stench filled the entire room and smelt strongly of beans, thanks to the chili he had eaten earlier. I knew I’d actually have to shower to get the smell off of me, but for now I was trying not to breathe through my nose too much, so I wouldn’t have to inhale my dragon’s disgusting fart.
“Jeez, Vapor! I really wish you wouldn’t do that, buddy!” I said, squirming to get out from under his rump. As soft and comfortable as his fur was, I didn’t want to stick around in the befouled room, since I knew his giant fart wasn’t going to stop lingering any time soon, “You really have the worst gas!”
“Hee, hee! I know!” Vapor giggled, finally getting up off of me, “Chili always does the trick in terms of making me nice and windy!”
“You can say that again!” I said as I began to fan the air in a vain attempt to dissipate some of the fart cloud, “Can’t you help me clear this out?”
“I would but I don’t have any wings,” Vapor said innocently, but all the same he began to fan the air with a claw, “Look on the bright side, at least I’m out of gas for a while. Which means I can’t Dutch oven you tonight.”
“I certainly hope not,” I said to him, “I’ve had enough dragon farts for one day.”
“Hope it wasn’t too stinky for ya,” purred Vapor, giving me a friendly nuzzle.
“Not too much worse than usual,” I said, petting him, “But it was pretty foul.”
“You know, as far as Dutch ovens are concerned, there’s this one dragon who’s great at getting his butt under the covers and trapping people with his tail. I’ve seen him do it to some of my human friends in the village, and its really gross and hilarious. He always leaves the back half of the covers open, though most dragons I know like to leave the sides open, but he says since the gas is flowing towards the front its better to do it that way…”
“No! I don’t want to be in a dragon Dutch oven, Vapor! That’s just nasty!” I said.
Vapor is very comfortable to sleep with, due to his soft fur. He makes an excellent pillow, and is nice to cuddle up with on cold nights. But when he has gas, he likes to play Dutch oven, which is very, very disgusting. Smelly blue butt-fur, an abundance of flatulence, and a small space… things get really stinky, really fast. He loves to pull me under the covers and gas me on nights after he’s had chili for dinner (thankfully he had it for lunch today), nights when we have tacos or lasagna, and especially around the holidays, like after Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner.
“You thought it was kind of funny when I did it that one time…” Vapor reminded me.
“No I didn’t! Is that the night you had the broccoli casserole?” I asked him, “Because that was just awful!”
“Yeah, and there was also that night I had the three extra-stuffed bean burritos from that taco place, too!” he said, laughing at the memory, “Which one do you think was stinkier, ‘cuz I’m thinking about gassing up and playing Dutch oven with some of my human friends back home.”
“They were both disgusting!” I said, “And I’m still not happy you ruined both pairs of sheets with your gas!”
“Aww… I’m still sorry about that too,” he frowned, “You know it wasn’t on purpose. But I saved one of those pairs of sheets, just in case I want to do it again.”
So, that’s life with Vapor. He’s disgusting, yes, but he is soft and cuddly. Just don’t sleep near his backside, of course. Dragons really do make good friends, if you can put up with their sense of humor, which I find is usually worth it. Because no matter how rude or smelly Vapor may be, no matter how many times he may fart on me, or pee in the shower, or stink up the bathroom, I’ll always love him, because while he may be a disgusting dragon, he’s also one of my best friends. And you’ve got to forgive a friend their flaws, especially when that friend is as true as Vapor.