Over all and outright, you seem a lil preocupied with finer detail which could be construed as micromanageing the envyronment. I know it's hard to leave things out when it's how you see it in your head but some parts could use a little less. In particular, the segment where Coryl is getting strapped in. Don't need to go through every strap.
The seccond point that comes to mind is the diolouge. I understand it's a new work in progress but it's clear you're not sure how to go with it. You start out sounding somewhat modern (refering to Coryl and his of cource) barring any cleverly neutral phrases (moon-cycles and whatnot) but later on you back it up an reformalize it by another century or two (Who claims I am hunting them?) Just seemed a bit akward. For the cat critter one might expect to see a deference in speech patterns but Coryl should be familiar before we start bombarding the audiance with new things. Somewhat related to that might be the termenolegy. Not sure how Coryl's particular race got about space travel, but people generaly think 'Bays' and 'Hatchways' rather than 'rooms' and 'doors' when they think about spaceships and that may be by design. I don't know. Just my initial impression.

Regardless of the finer points, there is a story there and i am currious. Seem to be in a hurry to get it going and that can work both ways. But by all means: carry-on!

Enjoy,
~me