Jamil Viper sighed irritably as he sat next to his dorm head, who bounced eagerly on the seat next to him while the Pomefiore student readied their camera: they were taking photos of all the housewardens and their lieutenants for a school function.

“I don’t have time for this,” he muttered, with a slightly petulant frown, crossing his arm in a fittingly cross manner.

“Awwww, it’s okay, Jamil!” Kalim chirruped, and patted Viper on the back…only to withdraw his hand as Jamil jerked away with a soft snarl. “Heh…uh…sorry, I forgot…the whole not-friends thing…”

Jamil glared, and then looked down towards Kalim’s lap and scowled

“Why are you taking a picture with that thing?” he sneered. “What are you, five?”

Kalim gasped and hugged the red parrot plushy close to his chest.

“Gilbert is not a thing!” he whined. “No need to be rude!”

Jamil just scoffed and rolled his eyes, looking away again.

Kalim looked at Jamil, then back at Gilbert, then up at the Pomefiore student, who was still trying to make adjustments and check the functions on the camera. A slightly sneaky smile came to Al-Asim’s face, and a twinkle was in his eye.

Jamil jumped as, suddenly, he felt something soft light upon his shoulder. He turned…and gave a deadpan look as he found Kalim had perched “Gilbert” onto his shoulder, and was moving him around as he spoke for him.

“Hey, Jamil!” Kalim squawked, in a high-flying, grinding, decidedly annoying kind of voice. “Ya seriously gotta lighten up! Laugh for once, why don’t ya?!”

“I’ll thank you to leave me alone, ‘Gilbert,’” sneered Jamil, and tried to brush the plushy away, but Kalim kept it in its place.

“Awwww, c’mon, Jamil! You deserve the recognition this photo’s gonna getcha!” the parrot “said,” and then went on: “With all the hard work ya do makin’ this dump run, ya oughta take pride in it! After all, who’s got more know-how, more savvy, more skill than you’ve got? No matter who runs this show, yer the glue that keeps it all together! Ya smooth out all the rough edges, like a piece o’ living sandpaper!”

Jamil turned, about to comment on the voice Kalim chose being like living sandpaper…but was stopped short by what “Gilbert” said next.

“Y’know, Kalim? Even though yer my best friend, I think Jamil’s my favorite person! There’s a lot to admire with him, just like the Wizard o’ the Scalding Sands!”

Kalim laughed, now speaking in his own voice, reacting as if Gilbert had just told a very funny joke.

“Ha Ha Ha! Well, I can’t say I disagree with you, Gilbert! Without Jamil here, Night Raven just wouldn’t be the same.”

Kalim’s smile became a soft sort of smirk as he made Gilbert nod, and looked into Jamil’s face.

Jamil was blushing bright, BRIGHT pink. For a few moments, he just sat there, stunned, unsure of what to say…

…Then the blush disappeared…and a sly, slippery smirk came over his face…as he petted the toy parrot on his shoulder.

“Well, thank you, Gilbert,” he purred, in his smoothest, most silky way. “For what it’s worth, if I ever had anyone I COULD call a best friend, I think it would be you. You can be annoying and crazy, but you know how to make me laugh, and you’re always there to keep me from taking things TOO seriously. I may smooth out the rough edges, but you give me an outlet for the craziness that comes with this part. Night Raven…my life…just wouldn’t feel right without you in it. On a scale of one to ten, you are an eleven.”

Kalim’s eyes were sparkling like a pair of stars.

“Do…do you mean what?” he peeped happily.

Jamil smirked, and looked away, taking Gilbert from Kalim. The young nobleman squeaked and blinked, a little surprised, as Jamil perched the plushy on the opposite shoulder with a triumphant look in his eyes.

“Who said I was talking about you?” he teased with a wink. “I was talking to Gilbert.”


Now it was Kalim’s turn to blush, as the photographer told them to “watch the birdie.”

Neither of them were sure, but they could have sworn the parrot smiled a little wider as the Pomefiore student finally took the picture.

————————————————————————–

On April 12th, 2022, Gilbert Gottfried - stand-up comedian and the voice of Iago from Aladdin (among other roles) - sadly passed away. In my headcanon for Twisted Wonderland, I created the idea of Kalim buying a toy parrot and naming it “Gilbert,” sort of as my own little reference to Iago. I decided, as my own little tribute and farewell to Gilbert Gottfried, to make a trade for the artwork above, and compose the little mini-story you’ve just read to go along with it.

The story is inspired by comments Jonathan Freeman (the voice of Jafar) made about working with Gilbert Gottfried as Iago. The artist who made the image above prefers to be Anonymous; if you're familiar with my other page here or my Tumblr account, you'll know about them, as they've made several pieces of art for me in the past. We affectionately call them "The Shy Art Anon." Anyway, my part of the trade will be posted to my other account in the future.

Rest in Peace, Gilbert Gottfried. Thank you for all the laughs.

…Also, on a less serious and somber note…is it weird for me to say I like how thick Jamil’s thighs look in this picture?

It is? Okay then, sorry. ‘XD