Having a unbelievably shitty week

or more like shitty end to a week directly followed by a shitty day-after-beginning of my week.

Two of our pets have died literally two days apart.
It fucking sucks.
I feel sick and numb at the same time. I haven't felt nearly this emotionally shitty since my cat Tabitha died. This is almost as bad, but not quite there. I'm already tired and fed up with being in such horribly emotional grief, but you can't rush grieving. I wish I didn't have feelings all together at this rate.

My mothers dog Sambo died sunday. He was fine the previous day and then suddenly wasn't walking around, wouldn't eat, looked horribly uncomfortable and would periodically gasp. My mother took him to the vet, I assumed she was over reacting because she always does at every little thing. I assume he ate a wasp or something bad he shouldn't had again.
it was literally every other boring day, nothing new to expect.
Mother calls back telling us Sambo has advanced heart cancer, his heart is twice larger than it should be and has tumors. The vet said heart cancer in dogs like this is rare and he just happened to have the agressive kind. Not that they would be able to do anything anyways.
Sambo had to be put down.
He was only 10. He never even got his first grey hairs and was still incredibly active and healthy.

I wasn't even particularly close to Sambo as he was my mothers dog but he was always friend and fun to say hi too. It fucking sucked he died and it still does. He's been living with us for 10yrs and we got him as a puppy. I still can't believe he's dead.
Its such fucking bullshit out of literally nowhere he had to die.
I know he was 60 something in dog years but our other two dogs were well over that, and were already old and grey.

This is literally out of nowhere and I still feel like its some bullshit and people are gonna tell me its not real. I can't believe he's dead.

I feel like its cursed; every time our animals die they die in pairs or threes. I'm paranoid about that, I'm not superstitious or even religious but I just feel like its bad luck or something.

So then there's Monday, and now Tuesday.(its currently Wednesday as I type this). My 15yr old cat Pawprints was suddenly not eating. She refused food. She was panting.
She looked fine at first but got increasingly more uncomfortable.
My mother took her to the vet.
It's Texas and hot, I just hoped my mother was being stupid and over reacting because of Sambo two days before.

Pawprints has heart failure. The vet said she was just old. Her lungs were almost entirely filled with fluid, and on the X-ray there was barely a half inch of her lungs left. I could hear her choking on her own fluids.
She had to be put down.

I've had Pawprints since I was a small child. I can't believe she's fucking dead. She's been with me for 15yrs. She's always been here as far back as I can remember. I can't believe she's dead.
I'm so fucking upset my chest is hurting.
I'm so mad and angry they died literally two days apart, but there's no one to be mad at.

Sambo had a rare type of sudden aggressive cancer and Pawprints was old for a cat. I've never been so mad at the death of our pets before. It feels unfair and too sudden. With all our other animals it was a slow decline of them being old and dealing with medical issues.
But everything was fine and then Sambo is dead and then suddenly Pawprints is dead.
This isn't fair. I'm so mad and upset I don't know what to fucking do with myself right now. It's not fair.

I feel like I don't know how to deal with this or process it. It still feels like they aren't actually dead but I know they are; they're already buried.

- I draw tribute images whenever our pets die. I drew Sambo with Princess and Sarah, our two other dogs who died in 2019 and 2020. Sambo was friends with them.
I drew Pawprints in a tree, because up until her last day she'd run up the tree in her yard.

I hate living right now. I'm tired of crying and grieving constantly when I'm not even over Tabitha's death.