I tell my parents I'm on a diet. I mean, I really am. It's not one of those goofy diets, it's just me trying to eat right so I can exercise more and lose some stress. They don't seem to really listen tho, as at every opportunity my mom gets, she hands me an over-sized sack of candies.

She knows my weakness is jelly beans. Not just any jelly beans though, they must be gourmet jelly beans. I imagine gourmet means the people who make them actually wash and dry their hands before leaving the restroom, but it's the small differences like that which make them worth coveting.