So, uh, hi... I guess I'm back. No, despite it maybe looking like that from the outside, I'm not actually dead xd
I just stopped doing art... for a really long time.

As you probably noticed from my last posts before I just went radio silent for over a year, I wasn't in a good place mentally and emotionally when it came to my art, and I decided to drop it completely. At the time, I told myself it was for good, I had tried and tested it but I would never be able to get out of this vicious hate cycle that ate away at my hapiness.

And now that I'm back here again, posting something, you might be assuming that it means I ... got over it, right? I no longer feel bad about my art, I no longer hate my drawings, it's all happy thoughts from here on out!

Not really; leaving the art enviroment for so long wasn't going to magically fix every problem that I had deep within myself, running away from issues isn't how you fix them. Deep down, despite the constant misteps and hardships, I think I've always known that somehow I belong here, in the art world, creating stuff everyday, even if it has to be painful, even if some nights Im going to cry, or stare at my art for 30 minutes trying to understand why I hate what I just created so much. I dont think that's ever gonna go away, but I feel like accepting that; that most of the time, I will hate what I just created, might make it easier to deal with it.
Because there's no way around it; Im getting older, Im getting old damnit, I need to start making a living, and if its not here, its gonna be somewhere else, where sure, it might not be painfull the same way creating art is to me, but Im sure it will always leave me feeling like something's missing.

I know this is where I belong, I've always known, ever since I started doodling as a kid on highschool; I just didnt expect it to be this hard, even after all these years...

But I'l try my best to get back on track, I'l accept that I will probably hate what I create 90% of the time and there is no way around it and I will learn to live with that reality every single goddamn day of my life if I have to, holding on to the hope that maybe, just maybe, with time and age, these feelings will lessen, and one day I will be able to just draw; just create from the hearth, no bad emotions or feelings attached.

But for now Im just gonna try to open a few comissions slots, lets say 3; and go from there. There's a chance my art skills have deteriorated a bit from the, like, total lack of practice for over a year, but I will try my best to atleast not fall short of what I used to create back then, even if it takes me a while to get there.
I'l probably adjust my prices at first to account for that, and also if I somehow feel like just no matter how much I try I cant make your idea work on paper/canvas, You can bet I'l just cancel the entire darn thing and you won't have to pay anything (trust me, it has happened once or twice in the past... it's not a fun time :( ) so I'd say you probably don't need to worry.

Anyway, I'l leave this here for now, and go to bed (It's almost 4am lol), if anyone is interested in working with me you can send me a note and we will work out the details from there.

Have a nice day/night everyone, and if you got this far down... wow, sorry for taking so much of your time xd, and also thank you for reading.