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The worst Canadian singer to have ever been born next to Justin Bieber and several others (Pierre Bouvier of Simple Plan, Celine Dion, Carly Rae, and Chad Kroeger of Nickelback) is Avril Lavigne. Those two words are enough to send shivers down my spine. Why are our lives nowadays so complicated? Because of Avril, that's why! She's annoying, obnoxious, and headache-inducing.
She just turned 20 this year (38 in birth years), with her debut album Let Go being released in 2002. She doesn’t deserve to celebrate her 20th anniversary at all. We don’t deserve to celebrate her anniversary. Avril is trash music for brainless teeny boppers. She’s terrible.
Watching Avril is like you’re watching a giant meteor falling from the sky and being helpless to stop it. She whines without stop and without breaking any sort of convention. I know she sucks. Even when I was at least five or six years old and listened to my old CDs, I knew she sucked. Her vocals are atrocious, and her lyrics are disgustingly juvenile. Unfortunately, she recently made a seventh album called Love Sux to celebrate her 20th anniversary. Wait, what?
SHE MADE A SEVENTH ALBUM CALLED LOVE SUX TO CELEBRATE HER 20TH ANNIVERSARY!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! SHE NEEDS TO QUIT MAKING TRASHY POP MUSIC AND MOVE TO ACTING!!!!!
Avril doesn't even know the basic knowledge of alternative/punk rock or what it really is. Punk/alternative rock is not formulaic, Auto-Tuned, teen-oriented, manufactured, trashy corporate pop like she is. It is diverse. It is rebellious. It's great! But Avril is just a stupid Barbie doll who fails at being diverse. She also fails at NOT teaching her teeny bopper audience the same stereotypes Barbie is infamous for teaching.
By checking out all the album tracks by one-hit wonders like A Flock of Seagulls, Dexys Midnight Runners, DEVO, Thomas Dolby, Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Wall of Voodoo, the Mars Volta, the Buggles, Babylon Zoo, Gotye, and Crazy Town, you’ll realize how underrated they are and that they deserve more love.
Why, exactly? Well, you see…
Back in the ‘80s and ‘90s, people would bet their money on uniqueness and creativity. From the high-energy dance-rock of Duran Duran and Depeche Mode, the jangly reggae rock of Men at Work, the dark, psychedelic avant-pop of Talking Heads, and the back-to-basics rock and roll of Red Hot Chili Peppers and Spin Doctors with a funk twist to the energetic heavy metal of Judas Priest and Metallica, the electronic funk rock of Rick James and Prince, the pretentious electropop of Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark, the jamming Southern rock of Blues Traveler, the edgy post-punk of the Police, and the synth-pop novelty of Gary Numan… there used to be so much magic within the world of music back then.
The magic behind these unique artists is that they wanted creative control and wouldn’t bend over to corporate demands, despite their contracts. The same can’t be said for the majority of pop music or 2000s corporate rock. Avril Lavigne herself abides by a corporate vision instead of a creative vision for money and she’s for teeny boppers.
Corporate rock like post-grunge and pop punk gave 2000s pop music a bad name. A very, VERY bad name. These days, very few people have any use for Nickelback, Lifehouse, or Hoobastank. The chance of Smash Mouth or Skye Sweetnam putting a new album into the Billboard Top 100 is unlikely. If you have ever read this on a regular basis and perhaps even occasionally enjoy it, you’ll probably agree with me when I say that the deaths of pop punk and post-grunge have been for the better.
I hesitate to call pop punk and post-grunge “punk” and “grunge” respectively. They have nothing to do with their parent genres. The 2000s saw the rise of impotent posers who had barely any interest in music. The decade vomited a whole army of corporately controlled panders who did so much damage to the legacy created by the likes of Nirvana, Talking Heads, Soundgarden, R.E.M., Alice in Chains, the Sex Pistols, the Ramones, the Descendants, Depeche Mode, Men at Work, the Cars, Frankie Goes to Hollywood, and Duran Duran. The legacy they created is known today as punk rock/new wave/alternative rock.
The corporately controlled panders who were vomited out in the 2000s include, but are not limited to: Nickelback, Lifehouse, Hoobastank, Simple Plan, Smash Mouth, Panic! at the Disco, Skye Sweetnam, Blink-182, Jimmy Eat World, Sum 41, Evanescence, Hoobastank, Paramore, Matchbox Twenty, Third Eye Blind, Good Charlotte, Goo Goo Dolls, and Avril Lavigne. As you can tell, they’re all way too corporate.
It is fair to pick on music solely because it’s non-threatening, one-dimensional, and blatantly commercial. It’s never too much for me to demand that rock music and the lyrics that accompany it should be sophisticated and witty. Attacking such an easy target could go against my principles as a writer, but why waste my time and yours?
As I’ve been saying over time, a rock and roller must challenge his or her audience. By telling you Avril Lavigne is an abominable pop outfit who takes more from the world than she gives, I imagine I’m telling you nothing that hasn’t already been known. I simply can’t resist this week. She is an abomination to punk, pop, and rock. She is talented at having no talent whatsoever.
Her fans, typically fans of pop punk instead of just her, argue for her superiority based on her lyrical simplicity, as opposed to the challenging complexity of punk rock/new wave/alternative rock. They may also accuse true punk rock/new wave/alternative rock fans of being cynical. 2000s corporate rock is not worthier than today’s music at all.
Why on earth would nobody want there to be something deeper than Avril’s “There’s nothing but the rain, no footsteps on the ground. I’m listening, but there is no sound. Isn't anyone trying to find me? Won’t somebody take me home?” I sure as hell would. I would most definitely want there to be something deeper than that.
Now, Avril isn’t punk because—
Somebody else ‘round everyone else, you’re watching your back like you can’t relax
OK, Avril. You can stop.
You’re trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me
I said stop.
Tell me, why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?
STOP IT!!!!!
I want to explain why Avril Lavigne isn’t punk and will never be punk, but she had to interrupt me. She wasn’t asked by anyone whatsoever but was still thrown towards us by the corporate music execs. All she can record are pop rock songs. In other words, Avril is mid-tempo at best and slow as hell at worst. Avril is just a Barbie doll from some rebellious kid’s imagination. That’s all she’ll ever be. What time is it now, folks?
IT’S COMMERCIAL TIME!!!!! We’ll be right back.
Rebellious Kid: Hey, what if Barbie was for boys instead of strictly girls? What if she was a real human being instead of a doll? What if she could sing? What if she made lots of albums I could buy and listen to? What if her clothes weren’t all pink? What if she could skate and play guitar? Man, I wish Barbie would be exactly just like that! Alive like me, too!
Her name is Avril, and she’s from your imagination
Her name is Avril, she’s what we call a punk sensation
Avril: What’s up, kid?
Rebellious Kid: Now that you’re here, what should we do together?
Avril: Dude, you wanna crash the mall?
Rebellious Kid: Nice!
Avril: OK!
Narrator: From the makers of Mattel, it's Talking Avril Lavigne! When you talk through Avril’s magic microphone, she says what you say in her voice!
Avril: Let’s sing!
Rebellious Kid: Yeah, we’re totally punk, aren’t we?
Avril: Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated
Rebellious Kid: No one sounds like you, Avril!
Avril
Rebellious Kid: Like everything ‘round here, Avril?
Avril: I do!
She’s Avril, and she’s totally punk rock
Avril: He was a sk8er boi, she said “see you later, boi”
Narrator: Talking Avril Lavigne comes with her magic microphone that you can talk into! Batteries not included. From Mattel.
And we’re back! Now, I was stocking napkins and wiping down the tables at work one day, having tuned into a variety hits station called Jack FM, when suddenly this living, breathing Barbie doll came on the radio. I knew it was Avril Lavigne and went to the kitchen as fast as I could. I knew now how much of a monstrosity “Complicated” was and why all pop punk made after 1998 is terrible.
In the 2000s, MTV was down to less than 40% music content and was shifting from music videos and music-related content to trashy reality shows. The network was also responsible at the time for the successful careers of so many trash bands and artists, including Avril Poser Lavigne.
The so-called “punk” artists and bands who were heavily featured on MTV in the 2000s tried hard to escape the “punk” tag, wanting to become “post-grunge” or “power pop” instead, and sucked just as hard as the rappers and pop kittens who were also heavily featured.
Avril is such a Barbie-type artist and only cares about fashion, not skateboarding (which she claims she can do, but can’t in reality) or making good music. This makes her a hypocrite, as one moment she acts like a tomboy who thinks she can skate but can’t, then she shows her line of clothes offered by Hot Topic and her dyed hair the next moment. She wonders, “Can I ever get enough clothes? I don’t feel punk enough.” No, Avril. No, you can’t. You are not punk or hardcore just for wearing every article of clothing ever offered by Hot Topic.
Her popularity as of right now is insane. Inexplicable. Unacceptable. Unexplanatory. Ridiculous. In other words, she doesn’t deserve to be popular because she sounds like a robot. Avril can’t sing AT ALL. She especially couldn’t sing back in her Sk8er Boi days. Her voice has improved since The Best Damn Thing (2007) thanks to the advancement of technology, but she still can’t sing.
Her voice is just so bad, especially on Let Go (2002) and Under My Skin (2004). She sounds choppy as all hell and more like your typical pop princess or a girly girl than a tomboy. She sounds like a tomboy in real life as much as she tries to act like one (only to fall flat on her face), but her producers just had to go overboard and enhance her voice too much so she could sound “better”.
I MEAN BETTER IN QUOTATIONS, NOT BETTER FOR REAL!!!!!
Her vocal lines are so generic and unimaginative. To make matters worse, she uses Auto-Tune. While she relegates this tool to subtle uses unlike T-Pain, who uses it more obviously and fragrantly on nearly his entire discography, her voice still sucks.
She’ll never be able to sing because this is how she sounds on nearly all her releases. What makes her sound even worse is that SHE WHINES IN MELODY like almost all modern pop-punk and emo artists, from Blink, Smash, and BFS to Fall Out, Paramore, and GC.
Avril Lavigne is most definitely the singer for you like safe, juvenile, corporate pop rock songs for teenage girls whined by a robot-voiced singer and surrounded by computer-generated drums and keyboards. She has cursed on several songs, but who cares? She exists purely for her teeny bopper audience to try and convince their parents that rock music isn’t so bad.
“This has got to stop. You have proven to be troublesome in the past, and this obsessive hatred towards Avril is only proving that truer. If you don't stop posting about this and shoving your hatred for Avril down everyone’s throats, you will be blocked. Do I make myself clear?”
OH NO, YOU DON’T!!!!! I REFUSE TO STOP!!!!! AVRIL IS AT LARGE ON SEVERAL COUNTS OF WORLD RUINING!!!!! SHE HAS MADE OUR LIVES WORSE!!!!! AND SHE TARNISHED KURT COBAIN’S LEGACY!!!!! YOU PAY HOMAGE TO THE DEAD!!!!! YOU DON’T DO THE OPPOSITE!!!!!
The Many Lies of Avril
Lie #1: “Image is a personal choice. I'd rather be seen as me than for not wearing anything. When I first started out in music, I was 17. I didn't want to wear the clothes that everyone wanted me to wear. I wore my tank top and Doc Martens boots and I'm glad I did because I was so different from everyone else.”
Yet she wears her own fashion label “Abbey Dawn” nowadays and mass markets it as unique, even though it looks like what’s in fashion now with a different pattern and glittery skulls. Her fashion label would also most definitely be incomplete without bows, zebra print, and lots of pink and black.
Lie #2: “Nobody tells me what to wear. Trust me. I'm a girl and I'm growing up. I wrote my first album when I was a 16-year-old skater who wore size 32 pants and hoodies. I was a tomboy. I had an older brother I looked up to, and I hung out with mostly guys. Now I'm into skirts. I'm growing up, I'm changing, I'm becoming a woman. That happens to girls - they become women.”
What a hypocrite. Your style has changed, but it looks like you’re saying that females who dress in a more masculine manner aren’t “women” and haven’t grown up. Also, you’ve never been a skater.
Lie #3: "I want people to watch my video and not be staring at my girl parts but to be listening to my lyrics, and hearing what I have to say, and watching me rock out on my guitar."
First, she can't even play guitar. Second, why did she do a show wearing a Hooters outfit?
Lie #4: About what she has to say in those “deep” lyrics…
You’re trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me
“Complicated”, the song that made her famous, is about a person changing their looks and personality to impress others. In the video, Avril and co. are trashing a mall and causing all sorts of teenage mayhem. Avril smashes her guitar at the end of the video, presumably symbolic of what she has done to modern music. She has the image of a “rebellious” skater teenager with an attitude, yet the song is about someone who’s doing the same thing.
I never spend less than an hour washing my hair in the shower
It always takes five hours to make it straight, so I’ll braid it a zillion braids
Though it may take a friggin’ day, there’s nothing else better to do anyway
Oh, what a small, shallow world it must be. I feel shallow myself for listening to “My World”.
Lie #5: “I don't write 'Oh-baby-baby' songs. I'm a skater punk who writes guitar driven rock.”
Allow me to cite “Things I’ll Never Say”:
I'm feeling nervous trying to be so perfect
Because I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah, la-da-da-da, la-da-da-da
Lie #6: “People are like, 'Well, she doesn't know the Sex Pistols.' Why would I know that stuff? Look how young I am. That stuff's old, right?”
Yeah, it’s old but it’s part of the origins of punk. You really need to learn about history.
Lie #7:“I created Punk for this day and age. Do you see Britney walking around wearing ties and singing punk? Hell no. That's what I do. I'm like a Sid Vicious for a new generation.”
If you don’t know about the Sex Pistols, what do you know about Sid Vicious – the bassist of the Sex Pistols? Punk has been around much longer than Avril has. She’s apparently not willing to acknowledge the existence of anything that occurred before she was born. She’s nowhere near as counter-cultural as punk was when it started, and acts NOTHING like Sid Vicious.
Lie #8: I never once said I was punk. I don't want to be punk. I'm just a really strong, opinionated person. Though I do like punk.”
I thought you were quoted as saying you CREATED punk for “this day and age” and “sang punk”. Plus, you have the word “punk” written on several of the items from your own fashion line.
When it is suggested that even then her tastes are kind of pop-oriented, her head snaps up as though she's been slapped. “New country,” she says, as though pop music is somehow less cool than new country. Then again, it seems any music is better than pop music in Lavigne’s eyes. Later, when it is mentioned that she seems poised for pop stardom, she is quick to correct. “No, no, no. Rock stardom,” she says forcefully. “I don't like using the term ‘pop star’ because that's not my personality. My personality is like a rock star. I'm hardcore.”
She sings pop music (I’d say she writes it, but her co-authors might take offense), but insists on labeling herself as something other than what she is, because she obviously hates herself and delusions make her feel better. Being punk is, at its core, being yourself and not being ashamed of who you are, regardless of what society says. But Avril constantly contradicts herself and is so ashamed of who she is, a pop rock singer. She has convinced herself otherwise and is intent on trying to convince others as well. Frankly, if you have to say you’re tough and hardcore, you’re not.
I’m convinced we could solve the world energy needs if we could somehow manage to harness the energy of Joey Ramone and Sid Vicious crying in heaven every time someone used Avril’s name and “punk” together in a sentence.
Avril’s Fake Image
“People love me and people hate me, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's what counts. And anyway if you do hate me, you're the loser, not me.”
If she’s so comfortable with herself, then why does she constantly try to convince people she’s a “rock star” when she isn’t? If she was comfortable with herself, she’d accept that and move on. This reminds me of something a notoriously filthy, self-righteous, self-centered person once said: "I'm smart, and anyone who thinks I'm not is stupid." Great logic. Bonus points for calling people who hate you losers, Avril. You truly deserve these points.
Avril Lavigne has a star tattoo on her wrist, which she got at the same time her friend and associate Ben Moody got an identical one. She also has a heart with the letter “D” in it, in honor of her (then) husband. Her tiny, badly-placed tattoos are VERY hardcore. NOT!
“Someone like Kelly Clarkson is beautiful and has a pretty voice, but with me you get a much stronger image. I'm tough, I have a look that girls want to copy, and I sound a particular way. It’s good if you're not easily ignored. And I'm not.” Actually, you get an image of a wannabe-rebel/punk who constantly contradicts herself known as Avril. Not to mention, she says she has a rock/punk sound when she doesn't. At least Kelly Clarkson knows what she is, and that’s pop.
In addition to being a present-day Sid Vicious, Avril spent considerable amounts of time on the Internet. Because we think she doesn’t natively have any computers, it was like watching a child try to do calculus.
We all listened to her lyrics that are thought-provoking, and the songs themselves have a very pop rock sound because… they ARE pop rock. No matter how much she wants to kick and scream about it, they are. She has a fashion line full of things that are already popular in the mainstream. If you have never been subjected to her music and are thinking of looking some of it up now on YouTube, you do so at your own risk.
Peter Griffin: I want to hear the Rolling Stones.
Avril Lavigne: No, Peter. you finish listening to my album. Hey! Y-you get back here right now, mister! D-don’t you… get away from that shelf or you’re in big trouble!
Y-you put that Rolling Stones album right now. I’m punk and they’re not. I only like punk rock.
Peter Griffin: You’re not punk at all, Avril! Shut up!
Avril Lavigne: OH YES, I AM! NOW PUT BACK THAT ROLLING STONES ALBUM RIGHT NOW! I MEAN IT! I AM NOT KIDDING AROUND!
H-hey, if you put that CD in my CD player, you’re gonna be in big trouble. You… hey! Ah… ah…
Peter Griffin: (cries) I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU!!! I WANT KURT COBAIN!!!
Avril Lavigne: WELL, HE’S DEAD AND I’M THE BEST YOU’VE GOT!!!
Poor Peter. Avril must really hate him for criticizing her. She doesn’t even realize she’s stupid, manufactured, corporate, trash pop rock for teeny boppers who only care about fashion.
Avril Lavigne just seems fake, plain, and simple. She tries to pull off this tormented, wounded puppy look in the “Complicated” video. She emphasizes her songwriting and guitar playing, yet has numerous songwriters work on her debut album and rarely straps the guitar around her body live.
She’s still popular after 20 years. "Love It When You Hate Me", an all-new collaboration by Avril with blackbear, peaked at #29 on the Billboard Hot 100 and #18 on the Adult Top 40 chart this year. She should have just been a one/two-hit wonder or a one-album wonder who was forgotten years ago, and it's a pain that she isn't. She has had many garbage pop staples since her debut album Let Go was released in 2002. They have all been spammed to death on the Internet like "Sk8er Boi" and "Complicated" have been.
Once you hear them, they will be stuck in your head forever, and if you can't learn to cope with them you will be miserable for the rest of your life. It's like she was on a mission to create as many infectiously bad pop hits to plague as much of the Internet as possible. She is just so annoyingly catchy and her songs aren't even anything special. She avoided becoming a one/two-hit wonder who could've been known solely for two songs and nothing else.
Gummibar, Mel Blanc (a voice actor who was also a novelty artist in the ‘50s and scored a #9 hit called “I Tawt I Taw a Puddy Tat”), Chef (the late Isaac Hayes' character from South Park whose song "Chocolate Salty Balls" peaked at #1 in the UK in 1998), Kix, Giant, Europe, Pinkfong, Rick Astley, Toni Basil, Crazy Frog, Eiffel 65, Caramell (because “Caramelldansen” is well-known online, even though it never became a hit), Ylvis, Right Said Fred, A Flock of Seagulls, the Teletubbies, Dexys Midnight Runners, DEVO, and even A*Teens are all considered one-hit wonders. Unfortunately for Avril Lavigne, she’s not a one-hit wonder. “Complicated” and “Sk8er Boi” weren’t her only top 40 hits when they should’ve been. Her streak of hits on the Billboard charts includes, but is not limited to: “My World”, “Girlfriend”, “What the Hell”, “Hello Kitty”, “Keep Holding On”, “When You’re Gone”, “I’m With You”, “My Happy Ending”, “Love It When You Hate Me” featuring Blackbear, “All I Wanted” featuring Mark Hoppus of Blink-182, “Nobody’s Home”, “Here’s to Never Growing Up”, and “Let Me Go” featuring Chad Kroeger of Nickelback.
THEY’RE ALL EVEN WORSE THAN HER FIRST TWO SINGLES!!!!! I’M DEAD SERIOUS!!!!! THEY SUCK EVEN HARDER THAN THOSE “COMPLICATED” AND “SK8ER BOI”, ESPECIALLY HER SAPPY, EMOTIONAL POWER BALLADS!!!!!
I-I’m done. I’m so done with Avril Lavigne. She sucks so hard. Unhappy 20th anniversary, Avril. You and your songs are pure trash.
She just turned 20 this year (38 in birth years), with her debut album Let Go being released in 2002. She doesn’t deserve to celebrate her 20th anniversary at all. We don’t deserve to celebrate her anniversary. Avril is trash music for brainless teeny boppers. She’s terrible.
Watching Avril is like you’re watching a giant meteor falling from the sky and being helpless to stop it. She whines without stop and without breaking any sort of convention. I know she sucks. Even when I was at least five or six years old and listened to my old CDs, I knew she sucked. Her vocals are atrocious, and her lyrics are disgustingly juvenile. Unfortunately, she recently made a seventh album called Love Sux to celebrate her 20th anniversary. Wait, what?
SHE MADE A SEVENTH ALBUM CALLED LOVE SUX TO CELEBRATE HER 20TH ANNIVERSARY!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! SHE NEEDS TO QUIT MAKING TRASHY POP MUSIC AND MOVE TO ACTING!!!!!
Avril doesn't even know the basic knowledge of alternative/punk rock or what it really is. Punk/alternative rock is not formulaic, Auto-Tuned, teen-oriented, manufactured, trashy corporate pop like she is. It is diverse. It is rebellious. It's great! But Avril is just a stupid Barbie doll who fails at being diverse. She also fails at NOT teaching her teeny bopper audience the same stereotypes Barbie is infamous for teaching.
By checking out all the album tracks by one-hit wonders like A Flock of Seagulls, Dexys Midnight Runners, DEVO, Thomas Dolby, Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Wall of Voodoo, the Mars Volta, the Buggles, Babylon Zoo, Gotye, and Crazy Town, you’ll realize how underrated they are and that they deserve more love.
Why, exactly? Well, you see…
Back in the ‘80s and ‘90s, people would bet their money on uniqueness and creativity. From the high-energy dance-rock of Duran Duran and Depeche Mode, the jangly reggae rock of Men at Work, the dark, psychedelic avant-pop of Talking Heads, and the back-to-basics rock and roll of Red Hot Chili Peppers and Spin Doctors with a funk twist to the energetic heavy metal of Judas Priest and Metallica, the electronic funk rock of Rick James and Prince, the pretentious electropop of Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark, the jamming Southern rock of Blues Traveler, the edgy post-punk of the Police, and the synth-pop novelty of Gary Numan… there used to be so much magic within the world of music back then.
The magic behind these unique artists is that they wanted creative control and wouldn’t bend over to corporate demands, despite their contracts. The same can’t be said for the majority of pop music or 2000s corporate rock. Avril Lavigne herself abides by a corporate vision instead of a creative vision for money and she’s for teeny boppers.
Corporate rock like post-grunge and pop punk gave 2000s pop music a bad name. A very, VERY bad name. These days, very few people have any use for Nickelback, Lifehouse, or Hoobastank. The chance of Smash Mouth or Skye Sweetnam putting a new album into the Billboard Top 100 is unlikely. If you have ever read this on a regular basis and perhaps even occasionally enjoy it, you’ll probably agree with me when I say that the deaths of pop punk and post-grunge have been for the better.
I hesitate to call pop punk and post-grunge “punk” and “grunge” respectively. They have nothing to do with their parent genres. The 2000s saw the rise of impotent posers who had barely any interest in music. The decade vomited a whole army of corporately controlled panders who did so much damage to the legacy created by the likes of Nirvana, Talking Heads, Soundgarden, R.E.M., Alice in Chains, the Sex Pistols, the Ramones, the Descendants, Depeche Mode, Men at Work, the Cars, Frankie Goes to Hollywood, and Duran Duran. The legacy they created is known today as punk rock/new wave/alternative rock.
The corporately controlled panders who were vomited out in the 2000s include, but are not limited to: Nickelback, Lifehouse, Hoobastank, Simple Plan, Smash Mouth, Panic! at the Disco, Skye Sweetnam, Blink-182, Jimmy Eat World, Sum 41, Evanescence, Hoobastank, Paramore, Matchbox Twenty, Third Eye Blind, Good Charlotte, Goo Goo Dolls, and Avril Lavigne. As you can tell, they’re all way too corporate.
It is fair to pick on music solely because it’s non-threatening, one-dimensional, and blatantly commercial. It’s never too much for me to demand that rock music and the lyrics that accompany it should be sophisticated and witty. Attacking such an easy target could go against my principles as a writer, but why waste my time and yours?
As I’ve been saying over time, a rock and roller must challenge his or her audience. By telling you Avril Lavigne is an abominable pop outfit who takes more from the world than she gives, I imagine I’m telling you nothing that hasn’t already been known. I simply can’t resist this week. She is an abomination to punk, pop, and rock. She is talented at having no talent whatsoever.
Her fans, typically fans of pop punk instead of just her, argue for her superiority based on her lyrical simplicity, as opposed to the challenging complexity of punk rock/new wave/alternative rock. They may also accuse true punk rock/new wave/alternative rock fans of being cynical. 2000s corporate rock is not worthier than today’s music at all.
Why on earth would nobody want there to be something deeper than Avril’s “There’s nothing but the rain, no footsteps on the ground. I’m listening, but there is no sound. Isn't anyone trying to find me? Won’t somebody take me home?” I sure as hell would. I would most definitely want there to be something deeper than that.
Now, Avril isn’t punk because—
Somebody else ‘round everyone else, you’re watching your back like you can’t relax
OK, Avril. You can stop.
You’re trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me
I said stop.
Tell me, why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?
STOP IT!!!!!
I want to explain why Avril Lavigne isn’t punk and will never be punk, but she had to interrupt me. She wasn’t asked by anyone whatsoever but was still thrown towards us by the corporate music execs. All she can record are pop rock songs. In other words, Avril is mid-tempo at best and slow as hell at worst. Avril is just a Barbie doll from some rebellious kid’s imagination. That’s all she’ll ever be. What time is it now, folks?
IT’S COMMERCIAL TIME!!!!! We’ll be right back.
Rebellious Kid: Hey, what if Barbie was for boys instead of strictly girls? What if she was a real human being instead of a doll? What if she could sing? What if she made lots of albums I could buy and listen to? What if her clothes weren’t all pink? What if she could skate and play guitar? Man, I wish Barbie would be exactly just like that! Alive like me, too!
Her name is Avril, and she’s from your imagination
Her name is Avril, she’s what we call a punk sensation
Avril: What’s up, kid?
Rebellious Kid: Now that you’re here, what should we do together?
Avril: Dude, you wanna crash the mall?
Rebellious Kid: Nice!
Avril: OK!
Narrator: From the makers of Mattel, it's Talking Avril Lavigne! When you talk through Avril’s magic microphone, she says what you say in her voice!
Avril: Let’s sing!
Rebellious Kid: Yeah, we’re totally punk, aren’t we?
Avril: Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated
Rebellious Kid: No one sounds like you, Avril!
Avril
Rebellious Kid: Like everything ‘round here, Avril?
Avril: I do!
She’s Avril, and she’s totally punk rock
Avril: He was a sk8er boi, she said “see you later, boi”
Narrator: Talking Avril Lavigne comes with her magic microphone that you can talk into! Batteries not included. From Mattel.
And we’re back! Now, I was stocking napkins and wiping down the tables at work one day, having tuned into a variety hits station called Jack FM, when suddenly this living, breathing Barbie doll came on the radio. I knew it was Avril Lavigne and went to the kitchen as fast as I could. I knew now how much of a monstrosity “Complicated” was and why all pop punk made after 1998 is terrible.
In the 2000s, MTV was down to less than 40% music content and was shifting from music videos and music-related content to trashy reality shows. The network was also responsible at the time for the successful careers of so many trash bands and artists, including Avril Poser Lavigne.
The so-called “punk” artists and bands who were heavily featured on MTV in the 2000s tried hard to escape the “punk” tag, wanting to become “post-grunge” or “power pop” instead, and sucked just as hard as the rappers and pop kittens who were also heavily featured.
Avril is such a Barbie-type artist and only cares about fashion, not skateboarding (which she claims she can do, but can’t in reality) or making good music. This makes her a hypocrite, as one moment she acts like a tomboy who thinks she can skate but can’t, then she shows her line of clothes offered by Hot Topic and her dyed hair the next moment. She wonders, “Can I ever get enough clothes? I don’t feel punk enough.” No, Avril. No, you can’t. You are not punk or hardcore just for wearing every article of clothing ever offered by Hot Topic.
Her popularity as of right now is insane. Inexplicable. Unacceptable. Unexplanatory. Ridiculous. In other words, she doesn’t deserve to be popular because she sounds like a robot. Avril can’t sing AT ALL. She especially couldn’t sing back in her Sk8er Boi days. Her voice has improved since The Best Damn Thing (2007) thanks to the advancement of technology, but she still can’t sing.
Her voice is just so bad, especially on Let Go (2002) and Under My Skin (2004). She sounds choppy as all hell and more like your typical pop princess or a girly girl than a tomboy. She sounds like a tomboy in real life as much as she tries to act like one (only to fall flat on her face), but her producers just had to go overboard and enhance her voice too much so she could sound “better”.
I MEAN BETTER IN QUOTATIONS, NOT BETTER FOR REAL!!!!!
Her vocal lines are so generic and unimaginative. To make matters worse, she uses Auto-Tune. While she relegates this tool to subtle uses unlike T-Pain, who uses it more obviously and fragrantly on nearly his entire discography, her voice still sucks.
She’ll never be able to sing because this is how she sounds on nearly all her releases. What makes her sound even worse is that SHE WHINES IN MELODY like almost all modern pop-punk and emo artists, from Blink, Smash, and BFS to Fall Out, Paramore, and GC.
Avril Lavigne is most definitely the singer for you like safe, juvenile, corporate pop rock songs for teenage girls whined by a robot-voiced singer and surrounded by computer-generated drums and keyboards. She has cursed on several songs, but who cares? She exists purely for her teeny bopper audience to try and convince their parents that rock music isn’t so bad.
“This has got to stop. You have proven to be troublesome in the past, and this obsessive hatred towards Avril is only proving that truer. If you don't stop posting about this and shoving your hatred for Avril down everyone’s throats, you will be blocked. Do I make myself clear?”
OH NO, YOU DON’T!!!!! I REFUSE TO STOP!!!!! AVRIL IS AT LARGE ON SEVERAL COUNTS OF WORLD RUINING!!!!! SHE HAS MADE OUR LIVES WORSE!!!!! AND SHE TARNISHED KURT COBAIN’S LEGACY!!!!! YOU PAY HOMAGE TO THE DEAD!!!!! YOU DON’T DO THE OPPOSITE!!!!!
The Many Lies of Avril
Lie #1: “Image is a personal choice. I'd rather be seen as me than for not wearing anything. When I first started out in music, I was 17. I didn't want to wear the clothes that everyone wanted me to wear. I wore my tank top and Doc Martens boots and I'm glad I did because I was so different from everyone else.”
Yet she wears her own fashion label “Abbey Dawn” nowadays and mass markets it as unique, even though it looks like what’s in fashion now with a different pattern and glittery skulls. Her fashion label would also most definitely be incomplete without bows, zebra print, and lots of pink and black.
Lie #2: “Nobody tells me what to wear. Trust me. I'm a girl and I'm growing up. I wrote my first album when I was a 16-year-old skater who wore size 32 pants and hoodies. I was a tomboy. I had an older brother I looked up to, and I hung out with mostly guys. Now I'm into skirts. I'm growing up, I'm changing, I'm becoming a woman. That happens to girls - they become women.”
What a hypocrite. Your style has changed, but it looks like you’re saying that females who dress in a more masculine manner aren’t “women” and haven’t grown up. Also, you’ve never been a skater.
Lie #3: "I want people to watch my video and not be staring at my girl parts but to be listening to my lyrics, and hearing what I have to say, and watching me rock out on my guitar."
First, she can't even play guitar. Second, why did she do a show wearing a Hooters outfit?
Lie #4: About what she has to say in those “deep” lyrics…
You’re trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me
“Complicated”, the song that made her famous, is about a person changing their looks and personality to impress others. In the video, Avril and co. are trashing a mall and causing all sorts of teenage mayhem. Avril smashes her guitar at the end of the video, presumably symbolic of what she has done to modern music. She has the image of a “rebellious” skater teenager with an attitude, yet the song is about someone who’s doing the same thing.
I never spend less than an hour washing my hair in the shower
It always takes five hours to make it straight, so I’ll braid it a zillion braids
Though it may take a friggin’ day, there’s nothing else better to do anyway
Oh, what a small, shallow world it must be. I feel shallow myself for listening to “My World”.
Lie #5: “I don't write 'Oh-baby-baby' songs. I'm a skater punk who writes guitar driven rock.”
Allow me to cite “Things I’ll Never Say”:
I'm feeling nervous trying to be so perfect
Because I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah, la-da-da-da, la-da-da-da
Lie #6: “People are like, 'Well, she doesn't know the Sex Pistols.' Why would I know that stuff? Look how young I am. That stuff's old, right?”
Yeah, it’s old but it’s part of the origins of punk. You really need to learn about history.
Lie #7:“I created Punk for this day and age. Do you see Britney walking around wearing ties and singing punk? Hell no. That's what I do. I'm like a Sid Vicious for a new generation.”
If you don’t know about the Sex Pistols, what do you know about Sid Vicious – the bassist of the Sex Pistols? Punk has been around much longer than Avril has. She’s apparently not willing to acknowledge the existence of anything that occurred before she was born. She’s nowhere near as counter-cultural as punk was when it started, and acts NOTHING like Sid Vicious.
Lie #8: I never once said I was punk. I don't want to be punk. I'm just a really strong, opinionated person. Though I do like punk.”
I thought you were quoted as saying you CREATED punk for “this day and age” and “sang punk”. Plus, you have the word “punk” written on several of the items from your own fashion line.
When it is suggested that even then her tastes are kind of pop-oriented, her head snaps up as though she's been slapped. “New country,” she says, as though pop music is somehow less cool than new country. Then again, it seems any music is better than pop music in Lavigne’s eyes. Later, when it is mentioned that she seems poised for pop stardom, she is quick to correct. “No, no, no. Rock stardom,” she says forcefully. “I don't like using the term ‘pop star’ because that's not my personality. My personality is like a rock star. I'm hardcore.”
She sings pop music (I’d say she writes it, but her co-authors might take offense), but insists on labeling herself as something other than what she is, because she obviously hates herself and delusions make her feel better. Being punk is, at its core, being yourself and not being ashamed of who you are, regardless of what society says. But Avril constantly contradicts herself and is so ashamed of who she is, a pop rock singer. She has convinced herself otherwise and is intent on trying to convince others as well. Frankly, if you have to say you’re tough and hardcore, you’re not.
I’m convinced we could solve the world energy needs if we could somehow manage to harness the energy of Joey Ramone and Sid Vicious crying in heaven every time someone used Avril’s name and “punk” together in a sentence.
Avril’s Fake Image
“People love me and people hate me, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's what counts. And anyway if you do hate me, you're the loser, not me.”
If she’s so comfortable with herself, then why does she constantly try to convince people she’s a “rock star” when she isn’t? If she was comfortable with herself, she’d accept that and move on. This reminds me of something a notoriously filthy, self-righteous, self-centered person once said: "I'm smart, and anyone who thinks I'm not is stupid." Great logic. Bonus points for calling people who hate you losers, Avril. You truly deserve these points.
Avril Lavigne has a star tattoo on her wrist, which she got at the same time her friend and associate Ben Moody got an identical one. She also has a heart with the letter “D” in it, in honor of her (then) husband. Her tiny, badly-placed tattoos are VERY hardcore. NOT!
“Someone like Kelly Clarkson is beautiful and has a pretty voice, but with me you get a much stronger image. I'm tough, I have a look that girls want to copy, and I sound a particular way. It’s good if you're not easily ignored. And I'm not.” Actually, you get an image of a wannabe-rebel/punk who constantly contradicts herself known as Avril. Not to mention, she says she has a rock/punk sound when she doesn't. At least Kelly Clarkson knows what she is, and that’s pop.
In addition to being a present-day Sid Vicious, Avril spent considerable amounts of time on the Internet. Because we think she doesn’t natively have any computers, it was like watching a child try to do calculus.
We all listened to her lyrics that are thought-provoking, and the songs themselves have a very pop rock sound because… they ARE pop rock. No matter how much she wants to kick and scream about it, they are. She has a fashion line full of things that are already popular in the mainstream. If you have never been subjected to her music and are thinking of looking some of it up now on YouTube, you do so at your own risk.
Peter Griffin: I want to hear the Rolling Stones.
Avril Lavigne: No, Peter. you finish listening to my album. Hey! Y-you get back here right now, mister! D-don’t you… get away from that shelf or you’re in big trouble!
Y-you put that Rolling Stones album right now. I’m punk and they’re not. I only like punk rock.
Peter Griffin: You’re not punk at all, Avril! Shut up!
Avril Lavigne: OH YES, I AM! NOW PUT BACK THAT ROLLING STONES ALBUM RIGHT NOW! I MEAN IT! I AM NOT KIDDING AROUND!
H-hey, if you put that CD in my CD player, you’re gonna be in big trouble. You… hey! Ah… ah…
Peter Griffin: (cries) I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU!!! I WANT KURT COBAIN!!!
Avril Lavigne: WELL, HE’S DEAD AND I’M THE BEST YOU’VE GOT!!!
Poor Peter. Avril must really hate him for criticizing her. She doesn’t even realize she’s stupid, manufactured, corporate, trash pop rock for teeny boppers who only care about fashion.
Avril Lavigne just seems fake, plain, and simple. She tries to pull off this tormented, wounded puppy look in the “Complicated” video. She emphasizes her songwriting and guitar playing, yet has numerous songwriters work on her debut album and rarely straps the guitar around her body live.
She’s still popular after 20 years. "Love It When You Hate Me", an all-new collaboration by Avril with blackbear, peaked at #29 on the Billboard Hot 100 and #18 on the Adult Top 40 chart this year. She should have just been a one/two-hit wonder or a one-album wonder who was forgotten years ago, and it's a pain that she isn't. She has had many garbage pop staples since her debut album Let Go was released in 2002. They have all been spammed to death on the Internet like "Sk8er Boi" and "Complicated" have been.
Once you hear them, they will be stuck in your head forever, and if you can't learn to cope with them you will be miserable for the rest of your life. It's like she was on a mission to create as many infectiously bad pop hits to plague as much of the Internet as possible. She is just so annoyingly catchy and her songs aren't even anything special. She avoided becoming a one/two-hit wonder who could've been known solely for two songs and nothing else.
Gummibar, Mel Blanc (a voice actor who was also a novelty artist in the ‘50s and scored a #9 hit called “I Tawt I Taw a Puddy Tat”), Chef (the late Isaac Hayes' character from South Park whose song "Chocolate Salty Balls" peaked at #1 in the UK in 1998), Kix, Giant, Europe, Pinkfong, Rick Astley, Toni Basil, Crazy Frog, Eiffel 65, Caramell (because “Caramelldansen” is well-known online, even though it never became a hit), Ylvis, Right Said Fred, A Flock of Seagulls, the Teletubbies, Dexys Midnight Runners, DEVO, and even A*Teens are all considered one-hit wonders. Unfortunately for Avril Lavigne, she’s not a one-hit wonder. “Complicated” and “Sk8er Boi” weren’t her only top 40 hits when they should’ve been. Her streak of hits on the Billboard charts includes, but is not limited to: “My World”, “Girlfriend”, “What the Hell”, “Hello Kitty”, “Keep Holding On”, “When You’re Gone”, “I’m With You”, “My Happy Ending”, “Love It When You Hate Me” featuring Blackbear, “All I Wanted” featuring Mark Hoppus of Blink-182, “Nobody’s Home”, “Here’s to Never Growing Up”, and “Let Me Go” featuring Chad Kroeger of Nickelback.
THEY’RE ALL EVEN WORSE THAN HER FIRST TWO SINGLES!!!!! I’M DEAD SERIOUS!!!!! THEY SUCK EVEN HARDER THAN THOSE “COMPLICATED” AND “SK8ER BOI”, ESPECIALLY HER SAPPY, EMOTIONAL POWER BALLADS!!!!!
I-I’m done. I’m so done with Avril Lavigne. She sucks so hard. Unhappy 20th anniversary, Avril. You and your songs are pure trash.
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