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I did not expect to end up liking the webcomic Bear Nuts. After I saw a cute picture by Kaalover of one of the characters, I looked it up out of curiosity. After seeing that there were characters literally named Death Bear and Evil Bear, and after hearing about a certain bear’s homicidal rampage, I figured I’d take a look. Evil really grew on me; it’s like looking at some hilariously awful, massively toned down and more redeemable version of Fliqpy from Happy Tree Friends.
…It occurs to me I just called the guy who makes voodoo dolls of his friends and tied a child to a spit roast “toned down and more redeemable.” I don’t know who that says more about, Evil or Fliqpy.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy!
(Also, I think this is the first picture of Evil hypnotized. Cool!)
It was a beautiful day at the Discount Zoo. The sun was shining, flowers were blooming, and the bears were having fun! For once, nothing bad was happening.
Evil hated every second of it.
It was the perfect time for a prank, and/or the return of Team Lecherous Evil, but he was out of ideas, and Lech was on a date. It didn’t help that most of his old ones weren’t doable at the moment; he needed to restock his chemicals (you’d think toxins and tranquilizers would be easier to come by; everyone had someone they hated, or at least wanted to prank, why didn’t the humans take advantage of that and start selling them in stores?!), he was still rebuilding his knife collection, and he had plenty of dolls, but no one would let him anywhere near them to get a lock of hair. He couldn’t even go to Vanity for help; even if he was willing to swallow his pride, Vanity was busy entertaining the few humans paying attention to the bear exhibit.
Lech had been teaching him to drive since they’d rescued Vanity, and that had been fun. It was simple enough; look for a car with the keys still inside, smash a window and jump in. Once they were done, either because one of them had gotten bored or because Evil had crashed, they would knock out a monkey and leave them at the wheel. It had been going great; Evil had even been planning to teach Vanity once he’d mastered it. (Well, teach him to steer; there was no way the kid was reaching the pedals. It wasn’t a problem; he’d go along with the panda, press the pedals for him, maaaaaybe press a little too hard on the accelerator once in a while, and they’d be golden!)
Unfortunately, it turned out there were only so many times a monkey could crash a car before it stopped being a freak accident and started being a whole thing. Now the monkey exhibit was packed with the normal zoo visitors, scientists, vets, and more, all eager to see and try to explain the “Carjacking Chimp Phenomenon”. (Suuuure, they showed normal human behavior, they risked losing their home, the monkeys show illegal human behavior, and everyone loves them!) On the plus side, it meant there wasn’t much attention to the bear exhibit, and they could get away with a lot more.
It also meant the parking lot was being monitored for a while, and leaving the zoo had gotten a whole lot harder. Needless to say, driving lessons were canceled for the foreseeable future.
A rustling in the nearby tree caught his attention. Evil immediately pulled out Vanity’s taser from his fanny pack; he didn’t know if that was Pro and Cara, or if the lion king had finally come, but he wasn’t taking chances. He’d seen the movie; that jerk wasn’t Scar, but they still had hyenas! (And he still had scissors; if the hyenas couldn’t finish him, a voodoo doll definitely would. That actually almost sounded more fun…)
Thankfully for both of them, it wasn’t the lion. Much to Evil’s surprise, a snake dropped down from the branches.
The snake waved his tail. "Hello there!"
The horned bear smirked. This day had just gotten a lot more interesting. Evil walked over, one hand behind his back with the taser, the other waving as he plastered on his best fake smile. "Hi! I haven't seen you around before; new exhibit?"
The snake happily nodded. "I will be! The reptile houssssse jusssst needsssss to be ssssset up. Before then, I thought I'd ssssspend sssssome time getting to know the other animalssssss. My name'ssssss Kaa. What'ssss yoursssss?"
"I'm Evil!" the little bear grinned. "Wonderful to meet you, good sir! Have you met any of the other animals yet? Say, the monkeys, lions, or warthogs?"
"Ssssadly, no," Kaa sighed, shaking his head. "I thought I'd ssssstart with the bearsssss; you all sssssseem ssssso colorful, literally and figuratively!"
Evil chuckled. "Welp, you got that right. Interesting that you knew how lively it gets around here, though. It doesn't seem like the kind of thing you'd guess. So, have you been spying? That's a pretty rude thing to do to your neighbors."
Kaa sheepishly raised a coil in what could have been a shrug. "Ssssssorry. I wassss trying to go to talk to you all when the humansssss walked by. I had to hide in a bush for a while, and I got rather bored. Out of curiossssity, why do you have a hot dog ssssuit?"
Evil snickered. "I don't. That's Gay's. Don't ask me why he has it, I've got no clue. So, anything else interesting you've seen, with us or the rest of the animals? Especially the monkeys; I get a kick out of those guys!"
Kaa shook his head no. "Unfortunately, I've yet to ssssee any other animalssss out and about. Sssssuch a pity; the carjacking chimpsssss ssssounded fasssscssssinating."
Evil unsuccessfully tried to stifle a snort of laughter as he switched off the taser. Yeah, the scaly noodle probably didn't know anything. No progress on the tainted water investigation, but finding someone this dumb was it's own reward. "Say, how about I show you around? The tire swing doesn't seem like much, but it can be loads of fun!" (All you needed to do was get someone inside, cut the rope, kick, and voila! One dizzy dummy, too busy puking their guts out to chase you!)
Kaa gave a warm smile. "Cssssertainly! Though, first, there'sssssss ssssssomething I'm quite proud of; mind if I show it to you?"
Evil immediately switched the taser back on, never dropping his smile. This was either a trap or a setup for a bad pickup line. Either way, he was ready. "Is it something you have with you right now?"
The snake beamed. "It csssssertainly issssss!
Evil smirked. "Sweet! I'd love to see it!" (Fried snake in 3, 2-)
Someone tapped him on the shoulder.
The bear looked behind him to find no one there. Raising an eyebrow, he turned back to the snake-
And found himself face to face with the most beautiful colors he’d ever seen.
Evil gaped in awe, his eyes wide as his pupils shrank to pinpricks. Swirl after swirl swept up his thoughts, warm and fuzzy as they filled his sight. For once, there wasn’t a single snarky comment, not a single insult; they all sank out of sight in the sea of colors. The snake swayed to and fro, and the bear swayed with him; a gesture, and Evil was swinging his hips with a smile. Kaa backed away, and Evil stumbled forward, his eyes never leaving the snake’s. He wasn’t going to miss any of the rainbow rings!
The little bear stepped up a stairway of coils, marching mindlessly across the snake’s body. A sudden slope had him sliding on his tummy, Evil sighing contentedly as he slowed to a stop. Kaa’s tail booped his nose, and Evil’s swirling eyes crossed to look at it. The tail was raised, and the bear rose with it; some guidance from the snake, and Evil’s arms were outstretched in front of him, wrapped in a coil. With that, the two danced, Evil swaying and stumbling about, his hips never ceasing their swing. Kaa leaned in close to nuzzle Evil, the brainwashed bear blushing at the touch. With some help from a coil, the snake lowered him to the ground, tail already twisting around him.
Kaa’s tail crept up Evil’s body, slipping through his fur as the bear shivered in delight. Soon enough, the horned bear was coiled up to his head without a care in the world, his tongue drooping from his mouth as he happily panted. The snake’s body pressed against his, shifting and stroking as it squeezed him all over. Evil moaned in ecstasy, his tuft of a tail wagging behind him as the snake scratched him behind the ear; he’d never felt so relaxed, so carefree, so good in his life! All he wanted, all he needed were the colors (and maybe the snake they were attached to).
Evil was drooling by the time the snake began to speak. "You've been sssssuch a good bear, sssstaring into the colorsssss, ssssso clever to trusssst in me. You're ssssso sssssoft and loveable, a creature to be cherished. I'd sssssay all that dessssservessss a reward. You can relaxssss now, and let me take care of you. There'ssssss no need to think or choossssse; I'll handle all thosssse pesssky burdensssss. I'll be your massssster, and you my pet. You'll go through life with your fuzzzy little head ssssswirling with colorssss, blissssssfully entrancssssed asssss you ssssserve my every need. You love your masssssster, and your massssster lovesssss hisssss precsssssioussss pet, giving him all the colorsssss, cuddlessss, and praisssse he could ever want."
Eyes spiraling madly, tail wagging a mile a minute, Evil nodded eagerly. “I want to obey! I want to be Master’s pet! I don’t need thoughts or choices; I just need to be a good bear for Master! I’ll do anything for you! I’ll burn the world down for you!”
…A very concerned Kaa gave Evil a quick tug on the neck with his tail. With a PING! Evil broke out into the biggest, goofiest grin that had ever crossed his face.
Kaa chuckled as Evil’s head flopped to the side, catching him with his tail. He had to admit, the little nightmare was adorable, especially when he was so out of it. Evil had… issues, to put it mildly, but a cuddly pet was a cuddly pet.
He hadn’t lied; the bears did seem fun to talk to. He definitely wanted to find whoever was responsible for that tea party with Evil in the hot dog suit; meeting someone else with mind-control powers was always interesting. He couldn’t hear much from where he’d been, but he had it narrowed down to either that pink bear, the giggling yellow bear, or that brown bear with his eyes bugging out and tongue hanging loose… though that last one seemed unlikely.
He had no idea why their conversation had felt like Evil was interrogating him, or why it felt like he knew something about the Carjacking Chimp Phenomenon, but he could ask him later.
Right now, he had an adorable bear in dire need of a belly rub.
…It occurs to me I just called the guy who makes voodoo dolls of his friends and tied a child to a spit roast “toned down and more redeemable.” I don’t know who that says more about, Evil or Fliqpy.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy!
(Also, I think this is the first picture of Evil hypnotized. Cool!)
It was a beautiful day at the Discount Zoo. The sun was shining, flowers were blooming, and the bears were having fun! For once, nothing bad was happening.
Evil hated every second of it.
It was the perfect time for a prank, and/or the return of Team Lecherous Evil, but he was out of ideas, and Lech was on a date. It didn’t help that most of his old ones weren’t doable at the moment; he needed to restock his chemicals (you’d think toxins and tranquilizers would be easier to come by; everyone had someone they hated, or at least wanted to prank, why didn’t the humans take advantage of that and start selling them in stores?!), he was still rebuilding his knife collection, and he had plenty of dolls, but no one would let him anywhere near them to get a lock of hair. He couldn’t even go to Vanity for help; even if he was willing to swallow his pride, Vanity was busy entertaining the few humans paying attention to the bear exhibit.
Lech had been teaching him to drive since they’d rescued Vanity, and that had been fun. It was simple enough; look for a car with the keys still inside, smash a window and jump in. Once they were done, either because one of them had gotten bored or because Evil had crashed, they would knock out a monkey and leave them at the wheel. It had been going great; Evil had even been planning to teach Vanity once he’d mastered it. (Well, teach him to steer; there was no way the kid was reaching the pedals. It wasn’t a problem; he’d go along with the panda, press the pedals for him, maaaaaybe press a little too hard on the accelerator once in a while, and they’d be golden!)
Unfortunately, it turned out there were only so many times a monkey could crash a car before it stopped being a freak accident and started being a whole thing. Now the monkey exhibit was packed with the normal zoo visitors, scientists, vets, and more, all eager to see and try to explain the “Carjacking Chimp Phenomenon”. (Suuuure, they showed normal human behavior, they risked losing their home, the monkeys show illegal human behavior, and everyone loves them!) On the plus side, it meant there wasn’t much attention to the bear exhibit, and they could get away with a lot more.
It also meant the parking lot was being monitored for a while, and leaving the zoo had gotten a whole lot harder. Needless to say, driving lessons were canceled for the foreseeable future.
A rustling in the nearby tree caught his attention. Evil immediately pulled out Vanity’s taser from his fanny pack; he didn’t know if that was Pro and Cara, or if the lion king had finally come, but he wasn’t taking chances. He’d seen the movie; that jerk wasn’t Scar, but they still had hyenas! (And he still had scissors; if the hyenas couldn’t finish him, a voodoo doll definitely would. That actually almost sounded more fun…)
Thankfully for both of them, it wasn’t the lion. Much to Evil’s surprise, a snake dropped down from the branches.
The snake waved his tail. "Hello there!"
The horned bear smirked. This day had just gotten a lot more interesting. Evil walked over, one hand behind his back with the taser, the other waving as he plastered on his best fake smile. "Hi! I haven't seen you around before; new exhibit?"
The snake happily nodded. "I will be! The reptile houssssse jusssst needsssss to be ssssset up. Before then, I thought I'd ssssspend sssssome time getting to know the other animalssssss. My name'ssssss Kaa. What'ssss yoursssss?"
"I'm Evil!" the little bear grinned. "Wonderful to meet you, good sir! Have you met any of the other animals yet? Say, the monkeys, lions, or warthogs?"
"Ssssadly, no," Kaa sighed, shaking his head. "I thought I'd ssssstart with the bearsssss; you all sssssseem ssssso colorful, literally and figuratively!"
Evil chuckled. "Welp, you got that right. Interesting that you knew how lively it gets around here, though. It doesn't seem like the kind of thing you'd guess. So, have you been spying? That's a pretty rude thing to do to your neighbors."
Kaa sheepishly raised a coil in what could have been a shrug. "Ssssssorry. I wassss trying to go to talk to you all when the humansssss walked by. I had to hide in a bush for a while, and I got rather bored. Out of curiossssity, why do you have a hot dog ssssuit?"
Evil snickered. "I don't. That's Gay's. Don't ask me why he has it, I've got no clue. So, anything else interesting you've seen, with us or the rest of the animals? Especially the monkeys; I get a kick out of those guys!"
Kaa shook his head no. "Unfortunately, I've yet to ssssee any other animalssss out and about. Sssssuch a pity; the carjacking chimpsssss ssssounded fasssscssssinating."
Evil unsuccessfully tried to stifle a snort of laughter as he switched off the taser. Yeah, the scaly noodle probably didn't know anything. No progress on the tainted water investigation, but finding someone this dumb was it's own reward. "Say, how about I show you around? The tire swing doesn't seem like much, but it can be loads of fun!" (All you needed to do was get someone inside, cut the rope, kick, and voila! One dizzy dummy, too busy puking their guts out to chase you!)
Kaa gave a warm smile. "Cssssertainly! Though, first, there'sssssss ssssssomething I'm quite proud of; mind if I show it to you?"
Evil immediately switched the taser back on, never dropping his smile. This was either a trap or a setup for a bad pickup line. Either way, he was ready. "Is it something you have with you right now?"
The snake beamed. "It csssssertainly issssss!
Evil smirked. "Sweet! I'd love to see it!" (Fried snake in 3, 2-)
Someone tapped him on the shoulder.
The bear looked behind him to find no one there. Raising an eyebrow, he turned back to the snake-
And found himself face to face with the most beautiful colors he’d ever seen.
Evil gaped in awe, his eyes wide as his pupils shrank to pinpricks. Swirl after swirl swept up his thoughts, warm and fuzzy as they filled his sight. For once, there wasn’t a single snarky comment, not a single insult; they all sank out of sight in the sea of colors. The snake swayed to and fro, and the bear swayed with him; a gesture, and Evil was swinging his hips with a smile. Kaa backed away, and Evil stumbled forward, his eyes never leaving the snake’s. He wasn’t going to miss any of the rainbow rings!
The little bear stepped up a stairway of coils, marching mindlessly across the snake’s body. A sudden slope had him sliding on his tummy, Evil sighing contentedly as he slowed to a stop. Kaa’s tail booped his nose, and Evil’s swirling eyes crossed to look at it. The tail was raised, and the bear rose with it; some guidance from the snake, and Evil’s arms were outstretched in front of him, wrapped in a coil. With that, the two danced, Evil swaying and stumbling about, his hips never ceasing their swing. Kaa leaned in close to nuzzle Evil, the brainwashed bear blushing at the touch. With some help from a coil, the snake lowered him to the ground, tail already twisting around him.
Kaa’s tail crept up Evil’s body, slipping through his fur as the bear shivered in delight. Soon enough, the horned bear was coiled up to his head without a care in the world, his tongue drooping from his mouth as he happily panted. The snake’s body pressed against his, shifting and stroking as it squeezed him all over. Evil moaned in ecstasy, his tuft of a tail wagging behind him as the snake scratched him behind the ear; he’d never felt so relaxed, so carefree, so good in his life! All he wanted, all he needed were the colors (and maybe the snake they were attached to).
Evil was drooling by the time the snake began to speak. "You've been sssssuch a good bear, sssstaring into the colorsssss, ssssso clever to trusssst in me. You're ssssso sssssoft and loveable, a creature to be cherished. I'd sssssay all that dessssservessss a reward. You can relaxssss now, and let me take care of you. There'ssssss no need to think or choossssse; I'll handle all thosssse pesssky burdensssss. I'll be your massssster, and you my pet. You'll go through life with your fuzzzy little head ssssswirling with colorssss, blissssssfully entrancssssed asssss you ssssserve my every need. You love your masssssster, and your massssster lovesssss hisssss precsssssioussss pet, giving him all the colorsssss, cuddlessss, and praisssse he could ever want."
Eyes spiraling madly, tail wagging a mile a minute, Evil nodded eagerly. “I want to obey! I want to be Master’s pet! I don’t need thoughts or choices; I just need to be a good bear for Master! I’ll do anything for you! I’ll burn the world down for you!”
…A very concerned Kaa gave Evil a quick tug on the neck with his tail. With a PING! Evil broke out into the biggest, goofiest grin that had ever crossed his face.
Kaa chuckled as Evil’s head flopped to the side, catching him with his tail. He had to admit, the little nightmare was adorable, especially when he was so out of it. Evil had… issues, to put it mildly, but a cuddly pet was a cuddly pet.
He hadn’t lied; the bears did seem fun to talk to. He definitely wanted to find whoever was responsible for that tea party with Evil in the hot dog suit; meeting someone else with mind-control powers was always interesting. He couldn’t hear much from where he’d been, but he had it narrowed down to either that pink bear, the giggling yellow bear, or that brown bear with his eyes bugging out and tongue hanging loose… though that last one seemed unlikely.
He had no idea why their conversation had felt like Evil was interrogating him, or why it felt like he knew something about the Carjacking Chimp Phenomenon, but he could ask him later.
Right now, he had an adorable bear in dire need of a belly rub.
Category All / Hypnosis
Species Bear (Other)
Size 1280 x 1055px
File Size 223.1 kB
Listed in Folders
Believe me, I know the feeling. I'm definitely doing more with them later on; they've got so many great, cute characters! Lech, Gay, Prozac, Cara, Death... the list goes on! Heck, Crack and Sara would be great in coils; Crack could definitely stand to relax, and Sara's someone else with what amount to mind control powers (albeit ones that only work on male, non-gay and/or drunk bears once a month.)
It’s a shame because this is such a good series. And if I may suggest, I’d say Crack next. Like you said, he needs to relax, and what better way than being in Kaa’s coils?
Maybe Lech and Gay together in coils? And yeah, Sara would make a good interaction. (Nowhere near as good as Kaa’s, no)
Maybe Lech and Gay together in coils? And yeah, Sara would make a good interaction. (Nowhere near as good as Kaa’s, no)
...I hadn't even thought about Lech and Gay at once. Brilliant! Also, Crack's adorable on the rare occasions he's calm (he's pretty cute normally, too, the bloodshot eyes are just a bit of a drawback in that regard).
Agreed on Kaa's powers being better; not just in terms of being much less limited, but also much more fun. Between mindless zombies, and blissed-out bears, the second one's VASTLY preferable...
Agreed on Kaa's powers being better; not just in terms of being much less limited, but also much more fun. Between mindless zombies, and blissed-out bears, the second one's VASTLY preferable...
I know, right?!
Seriously, Death doesn't show up that much, but he's probably one of my favorite characters. I still find it amazing that the grey-black bear with a skull symbol on his chest, a scythe bigger than he is, and the ability to knock out everyone he touches (or burn to a crisp in the case of those flowers) while literally being named DEATH, does not appear to be the Grim Reaper, just an electrically-charged bear (though that monster form with enough electricity does raise some interesting questions...).
Seriously, Death doesn't show up that much, but he's probably one of my favorite characters. I still find it amazing that the grey-black bear with a skull symbol on his chest, a scythe bigger than he is, and the ability to knock out everyone he touches (or burn to a crisp in the case of those flowers) while literally being named DEATH, does not appear to be the Grim Reaper, just an electrically-charged bear (though that monster form with enough electricity does raise some interesting questions...).
I love all those guys! Gay's general cheeriness and flair for the dramatic are great, and I love Lech's general perversion, idiocy, and teamwork with Evil, and their constant arguing! So glad they eventually got together...
Gimp's great too; he's so nice and friendly, and surprisingly expressive for someone who has a mask covering his face 99% of the time.
...You know, it occurs to me that Gay and Lech are some of the only bears who haven't had some in-depth look at their backstories (at least Sara and Cara make some references to their lives before the series). Though admittedly, after seeing how dark some of said backstories could get (Gimp, Death, and Crack's in particular), I'm almost afraid to ask what circumstances would have resulted in Lech...
Least disturbing scenario I could think of was growing up next to a strip club.
Gimp's great too; he's so nice and friendly, and surprisingly expressive for someone who has a mask covering his face 99% of the time.
...You know, it occurs to me that Gay and Lech are some of the only bears who haven't had some in-depth look at their backstories (at least Sara and Cara make some references to their lives before the series). Though admittedly, after seeing how dark some of said backstories could get (Gimp, Death, and Crack's in particular), I'm almost afraid to ask what circumstances would have resulted in Lech...
Least disturbing scenario I could think of was growing up next to a strip club.
No lie, I actually cheered when I saw that kiss. It’s something we’ve been waiting YEARS for. They’re such a cute couple now that they’re open about it.
Gimp is definitely the nicest of the bears, and I love him. And goes to show how good they are with that kind of thing.
Given how it goes, I’m calling that we’re gonna see one of theirs next. I’m betting Gay is probably gonna be the last one, and he actually has the most mundane backstory compared to everyone else.
And that’d check out for Lech. And funny joke between me and my friend is that Sara turned him off women
Gimp is definitely the nicest of the bears, and I love him. And goes to show how good they are with that kind of thing.
Given how it goes, I’m calling that we’re gonna see one of theirs next. I’m betting Gay is probably gonna be the last one, and he actually has the most mundane backstory compared to everyone else.
And that’d check out for Lech. And funny joke between me and my friend is that Sara turned him off women
Oh, agreed, they're ADORABLE together!
And holy cow, Gimp being the nicest never occurred to me. Never really thought about it, but yeah, there's no one he's rude or a jerk to, and apart from having his mask removed, he doesn't have anything that sets him off...
That would be an interesting surprise; you get 11 (12 if they go into Sloth Bear's) strange and sad backstories, and then you get to Gay, and his backstory is just completely normal and non-tragic.
I'd forgotten about that incident with Sara; never thought I'd see Lech running away screaming from a woman!
And holy cow, Gimp being the nicest never occurred to me. Never really thought about it, but yeah, there's no one he's rude or a jerk to, and apart from having his mask removed, he doesn't have anything that sets him off...
That would be an interesting surprise; you get 11 (12 if they go into Sloth Bear's) strange and sad backstories, and then you get to Gay, and his backstory is just completely normal and non-tragic.
I'd forgotten about that incident with Sara; never thought I'd see Lech running away screaming from a woman!
And like I said, they need to be together if Kaa goes after them. Coiled together.
And that’s another layer of the humor of the comic I love. The nicest best of them all is the one that’s openly lewd. Walking around in assless chaps and a gimp mask and no one really cares. (Fun fact, that same friend, my boyfriend actually, always thought he and Gay had something going on in the background. They still could, just that Lech is also involved now)
I mean, that would be an amazing punchline. The only thing you can possibly get out of him is the fact he’s….well, Gay.
I never forgot. It was hilarious
And that’s another layer of the humor of the comic I love. The nicest best of them all is the one that’s openly lewd. Walking around in assless chaps and a gimp mask and no one really cares. (Fun fact, that same friend, my boyfriend actually, always thought he and Gay had something going on in the background. They still could, just that Lech is also involved now)
I mean, that would be an amazing punchline. The only thing you can possibly get out of him is the fact he’s….well, Gay.
I never forgot. It was hilarious
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