This is my first ever submission. I've submitted this story over at sofurry as well, though I didn't get any comments on it. It's still a work in progress, around a fifth of the way done

What you are reading above is -still- a draft, the only revisions I've made are correcting spelling errors, fixing a bit of grammar, or moving events around.
The title is unoriginal, it was the only thing I could think of at the time. Perhaps you could help me make a better one?

I hope you enjoy reading it, even though it is rough