If you want to read this think twice.
I don't know. Jealousy and hatred. Only 2 feelings that pushed me through the life. Others have money, friends, health. I don't, and never had. Whatever I'm up to, I always losing. With drawing it's the same one. But i think it's too late to give up. Although I really want. I see there's the artists who started in the same time with me. I see they already have a big company of friends, much bigger amount of watchers than I, selling comms well... I'm very patient person, but now bc of personal problems I don't want money, I need it to fucking survive. And i see others earning money so easily, when I can't do anything at prices below that all beginners sets. It's always like this, anyways. I hate it. They don't even know how lucky they are. Why me, who endured so much suffering, injured my lower back, tried to gain subscribers by different ways don't have this much than them?? Oh, I know the answer! There's only winners and losers. It can't be like everyone is successful, someone needs to fail for others success. For all my life I've understood im from loser type. I never could reach real success in anything. If I won't reach anything for the end of month, I think I can get into situation, when I will not be able to draw basically. But...what can I do? Nothing.
I don't believe in such thigs like destiny. But if destiny wants me to be loser and giving me nothing, I'll keep trying and trying for it's algorithms broke and destiny started to think im from winners type. I hope, my hatred and jealousy will help with it.