It's an interesting beginning, but you need to invest in a Grammar checker and clean it up.

The reader also should get to know the main character a bit more, so they have some basis of knowing what he can do or is doing. We don't even have a description of the main character yet. Does he have wings, or does he use magic to glide down? That sort of thing.

Just the kind of stuff I need to get bugged about. And I'll be honest I don't have the first clue on how to bring that in well.

Whew... well, you asked...

Okay, first, you need a grammar checker. Bad. If you don't want to use MS Word's, then download Open Office for free and use that one. If it flags anything, even if it sounds right to you, at least consider re-wording it. While you're at it, run the spell checker.

Then, what I want you to do to start with, is write up a 'character bio' for the main character, which basically lists all his skills and abilities, race, gender, all that stuff. There's a fair few bio's running around FA, read 'em for examples. This will give you a firm basis and foundation for the character and how he will interact with the story.

Make sure to include things like his place in the bio, describe it in detail. Does he have row-to-row beers in his fridge, or perhaps fourty-seven flavors of sparkling water, or just sticks to soda? This gives you more info on your character. Say he stocks soda, why? Is he a teetotaler, does he just perfer something to keep him alert? Or does he have a sweet tooth?

Free association like that will help you build a more believable main character, which is going to be pretty important for this story since it's all in his head.

Also, parts of the Bio will be used to intro the story, so the readers can get to know him a bit.

Ok I'll see what I can find. Oh and as for the grammar checker. That's what MS Word's cleared, so grammar wise Word thinks it's fine.

Oh and any bio's you recommenced since there's no search to easily find them.