Tzimmes Cracked Corn (And I Don’t Care)
A Spontoon Island story
© 2022 Walter Reimer
(Characters courtesy of M. Mitch Marmel, J.T. Urie and E.O. Costello. Thanks!)

Thumbnail art by  warren (RIP)



15.


Willow:

“Good morning, Rosie.”

My future stepmother greeted me with a hug and a kiss on both cheeks. “Hiya, kiddo,” my cheetah chum said happily, before giving Reggie the same treatment.

“You’re in a good mood.”

Rosie shooed us over to Da’s reserved table and we sat down. “Got measured for my wedding dress yesterday. It’s actually happening.”

“I’m surprised you’re not pinching yourself,” Reggie said.

Rosie snickered. “I stopped after I got a bruise,” and we shared a good laugh before Reggie and I ordered breakfast.

After we’d enjoyed a good breakfast, I told Rosie, “Can I ask a favor, ‘Mom?’” I grinned when I saw her reaction.

Rosie’s tail went rigid, and her ears swiveled. “Why do I get the feeling I might regret saying ‘Yes, Willow?’ You can’t borrow the car; I don’t have one.”

I snickered. “Nothing like that. You know,” and I lowered my voice and leaned toward her as Grace took over momentarily, “you know that I’m planning some mischief for our mutual friends.” Rosie nodded, and Grace said, “We need to borrow your kitchen.”

“Ah.” Rosie straightened up and said, “You’ll need to see Nick about that. That’s his kingdom. Come on,” and I followed her into the restaurant and through the door into the kitchen.

“Nick?” A tall and rather well-built rabbit straightened up from the plate he was finishing, before he placed the plate on the counter and struck a small bell with the flat of his paw. “I can’t recall if I’ve introduced you, but this is Willow Buckhorn.” I smiled at Willow. “She’s a very dear friend of mine.”

Nick clicked his heels together. “Good morning, young doe.”

“I need to ask a favor.”

“Oh-h?”

Willow nodded. “You know about the New Haven Embassy – “ She smiled as he growled. “I see you do. I have a few plans in paw to keep them busy so they won’t bother Rosie or the Inspector.”

Nick’s ears semaphored, and he grinned. “What must Nikolai Ivanovich do?”

Willow opened her purse and took out a small paper bag. “These, I’m told, are called bogberries. I was thinking of having them prepared. As a gift to New Haven from the hard-working furs of Spontoon,” she added in an acid, mocking tone.

“Willow, you scamp,” I chuckled, and her grin grew wider.

That grin got alarming as Nick started to chuckle, and was finally laughing aloud. “You leave things to Nikolai Ivanovich, young doe. He shall make it perfect.”

He reached for the bag and Willow said, “The person who gave these to me told me to wash my paws after handling them, and not to eat them.”

Nikolai nodded and took the bag. “It will not be problem. Come by later, and Nikolai Ivanovich shall have everything prepared.”

“Thanks, Nick,” I said.

My cook gave me a broad smile. “It is Nikolai Ivanovich’s honor, Rosie.”


***


Vee:

Willow came to see me and Allan after breakfast to let us know what she was up to.

I approved wholeheartedly.

Allan looked a little skeptical. “Okay, let me get this straight, Agent Fawnsworthy. You’re going to deliberately poison a foreign Embassy – “

“Just a little,” Willow said. “My native assistant assures me that it won’t kill anyone.”

“Allan,” I said, “let’s hear the rest of her plans before you veto them all, please?” My husband glowered at me and gestured for our goddaughter to go ahead.

Willow’s plans had the benefit of simplicity, and since there were about twenty days to go until the wedding there was ample time for changes. The amount of time enabled us to keep the adversary off-balance while maintaining a certain amount of flexibility. She had two plans in addition to what was already in motion, and they both promised to be amazing.

“And who’s going to deliver this?” my husband asked.

Willow replied, “I used a disguise here on Spontoon, exactly once. I think I can use it again.”

She explained, and I volunteered to help.

Allan glowered at me but was forced to concede that having assistance would likely improve matters.


***


Willow:

It’d certainly been a while since I’d dressed up like a native Spontoonie, and I still recalled the first time. Recalled it with a shudder, actually.

I played a ‘huntress,’ the local term for a prostitute, in order to get close enough to an assassin before he could kill Da. I succeeded in getting rid of him and succeeded in burying ‘Nuki-Nuki’ before Da’s investigative skills uncovered her. Fortunately, I wasn’t going to kill anyone this time.

And I had Aunt Vee waiting nearby to help me get away.

So after changing out in a cabana near the beach later that afternoon and now (un)dressed in a floral-patterned top and a grass skirt, I headed over to Luchow’s. Nikolai gave me a broad smile and passed me several cardboard boxes tied up with string. “Here are four delicious mango pies, pretty lady who Nikolai Ivanovich has never met,” he said, giving me a wink before we parted company.

To say I felt very conspicuous walking down the street to the New Haven Embassy would be an understatement.

As I walked, I could hear Grace rustling around in my head. (Grace, please.)

(Grr . . . )

(I know. But we promised to not do anything drastic.)

One of the Embassy guards was a burly donkey whose ears were already perked at the sound of the Soviet guard down the street whistling at me. He and his partner, an equally musclebound canine, had their batons at port arms.

Made me wish I had my Starr 9mm in my paws.

I put on a dazzling smile. “Hello!”

“Whatcha want, girl?” the donkey asked.

“Pretty obvious, ain’t it?” his companion countered.

“Me am Nuki-Nuki,” I said, “and same and friends want to give this,” and I hefted the tied-up stack of boxes, “for sharing with friends and comrades from New Haven.” I winked. “Spontoonies and New Haven good friends, you bet. Is tasty mango pies.”

Yeah, I hate myself.

The canine had caught a whiff of the pies and his ears were swiveling. He licked his lips and said, “Do you come with it?”

I waggled a finger and winked. “Maybe later.”

The two lugs snickered, and the donkey took the boxes from me. “We’ll see you soon,” he said, and he turned and went up the short walk and into the Embassy.

Okay.

Time to go.

I avoided a grab by the canine, blew him a kiss, and headed down the street.

Aunt Vee was waiting for me with an overcoat draped over her arm and a grip containing my clothes in one paw. I shouldered into the coat quickly as she asked, “I couldn’t see. Did they take it?”

“Hook, line and sinker,” I chuckled. “I need a bath to get this fur dye off.”


***


Athena:

“Hello, Rosie.”

“Hi, Athena! We’re just about to close; can I get you something?”

“No, not really. You know how James and I live next door to the New Haven Embassy?”

“Yeah. Must be hard.”

I shrugged as my tail twitched. “It’s tolerable, but I think they might cause trouble – for you and the Inspector, I mean.”

“Have you heard anything?”

I shook my head. “I’m just concerned, that’s all.”

My friend leaned in close. “Concerned enough to want to help do something about it?”

“Yes,” I replied, without a moment’s hesitation.

“Well, in that case, you need to talk to Willow Buckhorn. She’s staying at Shepherd’s,” and the cheetah winked and tapped the side of her nose.




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