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So I wanted to do this in an orderly fashion and all, but recent events have been summersaulting over one another so much I barely get a moment to breathe. I don't even remember what my last update here was or what I've mentioned happening when and where.
I think I have said a couple' times that I've been suffering from severe sleep deprivation for a couple months now. It's gotten so bad at times that I walk around with headaches and tension around my cranium for days, or I'm just constantly tired, but sleep doesn't come, regardless of when or where I close my eyes.
I've since found a method that's been improving the situation, but it's been grating away at my productivity to the point where I barely make half of what I was able to produce around the same time last year. Mind you, it's been a steady decline of productivity for over a year now, but not being rested or getting together any kind of stable rhythm is detrimental to a degree I've never actually experienced before. My heart goes out to all the insomniacs out there TT_TT
As much I try not to let global politics touch me anymore, or at least ignore it to stop myself from throwing a twitter-fit, Ukraine obviously hasn't helped my state any. I try to avoid thinking about it still, though doing the charity pieces at the beginning of the month did help my soul a good bit for doing something useful with my art, being somewhat powerless otherwise.
There's some private issues concerning my parents which I don't want to voice directly, but which just weigh in on the sidelines, but in addition it hurts to start seeing the beginnins of physical decline in both of them due to their advanced age.
The local version of the IRS came knocking at the beginning of the year, saying I had some four-digit sum in backpay to sort out and I've already been watching our reserves dwindle for months now, yet I can't really do much about it, or so it feels, because any amount I earn more will just come back to bite me in the ass at a later date, when they decide they want yet again more of what little pie I manage to bake for myself each month.
I've been taking mental vacations on some weekends, diving back into plying 40k, but it's only a temporary fix and more often than not feels like I'm wasting time not doing something creative (at least not something I could showcase anywhere, besides the dakka forum). A friend came to visit from abroad last week, which was supposed to be a much needed distraction, but halfway through I pulled an injury which made me paranoid for a good bit, before my GP cleared me of anything lasting.
Still ended up with more tense headaches on the weekend, culminating in a stupidly painful episode yesterday, where my body temperature crashed and I felt like I couldn't retain water. Feel better again today, but now it turns out the mate has managed to contract Covid from somewhere (preliminary test turned out positive at least - definitive results tomorrow) and I'm likely not far behind, given our obvious proximity =_=
I'm just so fucking done with everything. I just wanna go and curl up in a hole at this point, let the world sort itself out.
Besides the tension headaches and general tiredness I'm feeling alright, but as it is, my entire organization system has broken down and I just live paycheck to paycheck now, which is not really how this whole independence thing was supposed to work out. I think I'll try to clear my current plate and then retreat for a bit to think on how I want to structure my future on a big scale - that is, assuming the world can maybe stop throwing major historical events at us for five fucking minutes!!!! - because I don't think I'll be able to keep going like this for very much longer.
Peace out. LYA.
I think I have said a couple' times that I've been suffering from severe sleep deprivation for a couple months now. It's gotten so bad at times that I walk around with headaches and tension around my cranium for days, or I'm just constantly tired, but sleep doesn't come, regardless of when or where I close my eyes.
I've since found a method that's been improving the situation, but it's been grating away at my productivity to the point where I barely make half of what I was able to produce around the same time last year. Mind you, it's been a steady decline of productivity for over a year now, but not being rested or getting together any kind of stable rhythm is detrimental to a degree I've never actually experienced before. My heart goes out to all the insomniacs out there TT_TT
As much I try not to let global politics touch me anymore, or at least ignore it to stop myself from throwing a twitter-fit, Ukraine obviously hasn't helped my state any. I try to avoid thinking about it still, though doing the charity pieces at the beginning of the month did help my soul a good bit for doing something useful with my art, being somewhat powerless otherwise.
There's some private issues concerning my parents which I don't want to voice directly, but which just weigh in on the sidelines, but in addition it hurts to start seeing the beginnins of physical decline in both of them due to their advanced age.
The local version of the IRS came knocking at the beginning of the year, saying I had some four-digit sum in backpay to sort out and I've already been watching our reserves dwindle for months now, yet I can't really do much about it, or so it feels, because any amount I earn more will just come back to bite me in the ass at a later date, when they decide they want yet again more of what little pie I manage to bake for myself each month.
I've been taking mental vacations on some weekends, diving back into plying 40k, but it's only a temporary fix and more often than not feels like I'm wasting time not doing something creative (at least not something I could showcase anywhere, besides the dakka forum). A friend came to visit from abroad last week, which was supposed to be a much needed distraction, but halfway through I pulled an injury which made me paranoid for a good bit, before my GP cleared me of anything lasting.
Still ended up with more tense headaches on the weekend, culminating in a stupidly painful episode yesterday, where my body temperature crashed and I felt like I couldn't retain water. Feel better again today, but now it turns out the mate has managed to contract Covid from somewhere (preliminary test turned out positive at least - definitive results tomorrow) and I'm likely not far behind, given our obvious proximity =_=
I'm just so fucking done with everything. I just wanna go and curl up in a hole at this point, let the world sort itself out.
Besides the tension headaches and general tiredness I'm feeling alright, but as it is, my entire organization system has broken down and I just live paycheck to paycheck now, which is not really how this whole independence thing was supposed to work out. I think I'll try to clear my current plate and then retreat for a bit to think on how I want to structure my future on a big scale - that is, assuming the world can maybe stop throwing major historical events at us for five fucking minutes!!!! - because I don't think I'll be able to keep going like this for very much longer.
Peace out. LYA.
Category Artwork (Digital) / Doodle
Species Marten
Size 800 x 550px
File Size 105.8 kB
Stepping away for a bit is never a bad thing. Resetting yourself sounds like the best course of action before all things culminate into a full-blown burnout. You deserve to have some form of balance between health, and happiness, and in all forms they come in.
You are a human, not a machine, and should not be expected (from others, or yourself) to be able to perform at 110% 24/7/365. Find a method that works for you, and if you need professional help, don't be concerned to get what help you need.
Believe me, between the global climate (and all forms *that* comes in), the political one, and just human nature as a whole, it's a lot to take the brunt of. Please do what you can for you. You know?
Hopefully you don't get the covid bug, especially if you maintain any practices to avoid it. I hope you can get a foot into the net-positive again and keep climbing from there.
You are a human, not a machine, and should not be expected (from others, or yourself) to be able to perform at 110% 24/7/365. Find a method that works for you, and if you need professional help, don't be concerned to get what help you need.
Believe me, between the global climate (and all forms *that* comes in), the political one, and just human nature as a whole, it's a lot to take the brunt of. Please do what you can for you. You know?
Hopefully you don't get the covid bug, especially if you maintain any practices to avoid it. I hope you can get a foot into the net-positive again and keep climbing from there.
i feel you so much. -.- trete selbst von einer medizinischen tretmine auf die nächste, während ich mich gleichzeitig mit ärzten darüber streiten darf, was jetzt zu behandeln ist, was warten kann (weshalb ich zuletzt auf der intensiv gelandet bin und jetzt nen herzschaden habe, weil "wir können ja erst mal abwarten." und unterdessen plumst die welt von einem dreck in den nächsten...
Sounds like you've got a classic case of 'Burn-out' Dear iPoke!
When your mind/body/soul are all crashing down around ya, the best thing you can do is listen, heed what they're telling you, and re-prioritize your responsibilities (ie stresses), accordingly.
Life often hammers us into the dust, and every time it does so, getting back up and standing on our own two feet seems (is?) harder and harder. The only 'Good' thing about this experience is, once you've done it, doing it again isn't new or as confusing. (Speaking with nearly six decades of life on this spinning rock, I know of what I speak!)
We love your work, obviously.
We love YOU, more!
You take care of YOU, settle and recover, and when YOU are ready, start doodling an' scribbling again, and share with the world more of your amazing talent!
We'll be here, patiently awaiting your recovery and happy to be reunited with you when it's time!
When your mind/body/soul are all crashing down around ya, the best thing you can do is listen, heed what they're telling you, and re-prioritize your responsibilities (ie stresses), accordingly.
Life often hammers us into the dust, and every time it does so, getting back up and standing on our own two feet seems (is?) harder and harder. The only 'Good' thing about this experience is, once you've done it, doing it again isn't new or as confusing. (Speaking with nearly six decades of life on this spinning rock, I know of what I speak!)
We love your work, obviously.
We love YOU, more!
You take care of YOU, settle and recover, and when YOU are ready, start doodling an' scribbling again, and share with the world more of your amazing talent!
We'll be here, patiently awaiting your recovery and happy to be reunited with you when it's time!
Love you, i hope you take care and stay healthy, i understand on how your feeling. We will all be here for you, if you ever need something don't ever hesitate to give me an dm or call, im all ears for you dude. Just keep yourself with an head up high with bright smile on your face, enjoy the little things and love yourself. be well Ipoke
It's stress. An extended period of stress. I'm there too, so I understand.
Social media is going to be a dumpster fire for a while longer. Take a break.
The fighting between Ukraine and Russia is beyond your control. Pray for the tides to turn for those against the war as they fight alongside Ukraine in their various ways. If you know of any charity drives for those affected, try to take part in one. (Just, do your homework because scams infiltrate in these situations like the plagues that they are.)
The government has programs that might allow you to make your payments and still be able to feed yourself. Try looking into those.
Also, look into an assisted living option for your parents. It might be that time.
The covid issue could be a false positive test. It isn't difficult to receive one, but both you and your partner should monitor for possible symptoms.
This can improve if you allow it to. Go get yourself some needed rest.
Social media is going to be a dumpster fire for a while longer. Take a break.
The fighting between Ukraine and Russia is beyond your control. Pray for the tides to turn for those against the war as they fight alongside Ukraine in their various ways. If you know of any charity drives for those affected, try to take part in one. (Just, do your homework because scams infiltrate in these situations like the plagues that they are.)
The government has programs that might allow you to make your payments and still be able to feed yourself. Try looking into those.
Also, look into an assisted living option for your parents. It might be that time.
The covid issue could be a false positive test. It isn't difficult to receive one, but both you and your partner should monitor for possible symptoms.
This can improve if you allow it to. Go get yourself some needed rest.
We are deep in the Woo. You can stop worrying about Ukraine as Putin is fixing that giant mess of nasty right now and there’s nothing we can do about it. The true horrors as told by tales from actual Ukrainian citizens are starting to leak through the obfuscation shield the main stream media is producing and its horrifying.
Start taking 10k IU’s of vitamin D3 or more, Zinc Sulphate, Quercetin, a really good mega dose of multivitamin, and a single tablet of hcqs everyday until you start to recover and then drop the hcqs. If you’ve been unfortunate enough to have been vacideathed then start taking Budesonide and look into blood thinners. And lastly, start drinking Chaga tea. Lots of it.
To protect yourself financially start buying either Etherium or bitcoin. Or both. Get it now while its cheap. And put it into your own wallet and don’t leave it on the exchanges.
And stop watching the fake news. Did they really think they could get away with using footage from Arma 3 for their ‘war’ in Ukraine? Taiwan is next. Don’t panic. Xi is going to delete some really evil shit there, and its going to hurt. Relax, it’ll be fine.
Start taking 10k IU’s of vitamin D3 or more, Zinc Sulphate, Quercetin, a really good mega dose of multivitamin, and a single tablet of hcqs everyday until you start to recover and then drop the hcqs. If you’ve been unfortunate enough to have been vacideathed then start taking Budesonide and look into blood thinners. And lastly, start drinking Chaga tea. Lots of it.
To protect yourself financially start buying either Etherium or bitcoin. Or both. Get it now while its cheap. And put it into your own wallet and don’t leave it on the exchanges.
And stop watching the fake news. Did they really think they could get away with using footage from Arma 3 for their ‘war’ in Ukraine? Taiwan is next. Don’t panic. Xi is going to delete some really evil shit there, and its going to hurt. Relax, it’ll be fine.
My God, my friend, sleeping is as important as eating, you HAVE to find a way! You know there are things to do and things not to do to have a good rest, plus some little extras to help, please take care of yourself........ If you are not directly concerned, let the world destroy itself for a while, there is not much either of us can do anyway so look for yourself first, then you'll be able to worry for the rest.
And... I am sorry to hear about your parents, whatever it is - I've been through some things too so I can relate I believe
And... I am sorry to hear about your parents, whatever it is - I've been through some things too so I can relate I believe
That's the trouble with these procedurally-generated timelines, they're not all gonna be winners.
Wish I had some stunningly insightful suggestions for you beyond the usual diet, stretching, exercising, and playing with boobs regularly. Maybe find a nice secluded forest to unwind and take a break from everything for a quick decade or two?
Wish I had some stunningly insightful suggestions for you beyond the usual diet, stretching, exercising, and playing with boobs regularly. Maybe find a nice secluded forest to unwind and take a break from everything for a quick decade or two?
Seriously? Can whatever toddler is orchestrating the world's events stop throwing temper tantrums and generally shitting on the decent folks? I'm sorry to hear that you are having so many issues hang about or crop up on top of each other. I hope you can get some better circumstances to fall in on you and help straighten some stuff out in your head and life.
Oh Jesus- sorry to hear life is beating you about so much.
There are no troubles in life, quite like organic troubles. Having your body refuse to sleep, even though your exhausted sounds like... well, torture. Quite horrible too- when you can't really blame anyone for your bodies betrayal.
Given this post of yours is a month old, I hope you have found some escape from that trouble- and if not, I hope you do have some sort of plan to address it.
PS: I still love your art- and I do hope you can figure out the "structure" of your future in a way, that still involves art WHEN YOU WANT TO, and doesn't throw a feeling of "wasting time" not creating.
Nothing in life, is a waste, if you enjoy it. I hope you find great enjoyment.
There are no troubles in life, quite like organic troubles. Having your body refuse to sleep, even though your exhausted sounds like... well, torture. Quite horrible too- when you can't really blame anyone for your bodies betrayal.
Given this post of yours is a month old, I hope you have found some escape from that trouble- and if not, I hope you do have some sort of plan to address it.
PS: I still love your art- and I do hope you can figure out the "structure" of your future in a way, that still involves art WHEN YOU WANT TO, and doesn't throw a feeling of "wasting time" not creating.
Nothing in life, is a waste, if you enjoy it. I hope you find great enjoyment.
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