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Sorry it took so long. I've been incredibly busy and about to become even more so. I should SHOULD have more time on my hands around January... I hope...
Anyway. We all knew that Wesley was going to win, right? As soon as Ryon showed up, it was in the bag, right? .... Still, a rather horrifying way to go. I hope I explained it well enough, being crushed to death, encased in ice... That's actually one of my own worst deaths, to be honest. *shudders*
I've been getting some helpful hints from some of my readers (finally), and I've been taking them to heart and hope they showed in how I wrote this piece of this chapter. I hope I get a bit more advice before I run headlong into a lot more dialogue, as you can already tell is about to happen.
Anyway. We all knew that Wesley was going to win, right? As soon as Ryon showed up, it was in the bag, right? .... Still, a rather horrifying way to go. I hope I explained it well enough, being crushed to death, encased in ice... That's actually one of my own worst deaths, to be honest. *shudders*
I've been getting some helpful hints from some of my readers (finally), and I've been taking them to heart and hope they showed in how I wrote this piece of this chapter. I hope I get a bit more advice before I run headlong into a lot more dialogue, as you can already tell is about to happen.
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 7.8 kB
This one is much better than the previous ones you wrote. Everything is much more descriptive, and your flow is more clear. Everything is easier to follow.
At this point, there's still a lot of combat, so I'd imagine dialogue is on the short side.
I fully admit dialogue is one of my weakness, but if you have any questions I'd be happy to help.
Keep up the good work.
At this point, there's still a lot of combat, so I'd imagine dialogue is on the short side.
I fully admit dialogue is one of my weakness, but if you have any questions I'd be happy to help.
Keep up the good work.
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