We have games! Lord Almighty, we have games!
As a reminder, there were only three games this week
New Orleans at Nashville

Eight combined passing TDs. Two TDs within 15 seconds at the end of the game. An onside kick attempt. 800 yards of total offense. Are you not entertained, UFFL Nation!? In what might have been one of the most exciting games of this season so far, Kiedo Masquarde and Flip Penguinator engaged in an old-fashion quarterback duel, each slinging the ball all over the field. Each signal caller threw for four touchdowns. Honor Matari had one of his best day as a pro, catching four passes for 132 yards and 2 TDs. Through eight games, last year’s leader in dropped passed only has three so far, and looks like he’s finally living up to his older brother’s substantial legacy. In fact, New Orleans as a whole looked like the better team on the field. The true difference maker in this matchup, however, was the penalties. The Corsairs got hit by refball big time, getting flagged an astounding 11 times, including a very questionable pass interference call in the second quarter on a 3rd and 6. After coming back from being down two scores to tie things up in the third quarter, New Orleans once again found itself down big with only a couple minutes left. Penguinator came out firing, passing for a 75 yard TD to Matari (tying the mark for his career long) on first down to cut the Tuts lead in half. Unfortunately, the subsequent onside kick was unsuccessful, and Nashville was able to run out the clock for the win. Final score: NSH 35, NOC 28

Colorado at Baltimore

Jillian St. Claire came into the league as a highly-touted college QB, and a lot was expected of her as a top-five draft pick. However, she’s still a rookie, and one that’s only making the second start of her career. Her five turnovers (three picks, two fumbles) definitely made this a game to forget. Other than the turnovers, however, she played a pretty solid game overall. She passed for almost 300 yards and a TD, and even scored her first rushing touchdown on a QB sneak in the fourth quarter. And it wasn’t like she was the only one with a case of the dropsies. The Ponies lost four total fumbles in the game, making for a seven turnover game in all. On the defensive side, the Ponies defense was actually able to contain Christina Carson a bit, managing to hold her to only 234 passing yards and 17 completions. But four of those completions went to Gradkowski for 148 yards and 2 of Carson’s 3 TDs. Final score: COL 33, BAL 17

California at Grand Rapids

There’s an old story that says that during the Civil War, Lincoln’s advisors came to him and complained that General Grant was drinking too much on duty. Lincoln then said to them, “Find out what brand of whiskey he prefers, and send a barrel to every OTHER general in the army.” If that story is true, then I think we need to send a case of Elise Beaumont’s drink of choice to all of the other UFFL rookies. She’s had three full starts in her short career so far, and in each of those starts she’s thrown for four touchdowns, without a single pick. That includes today, which is even more remarkable for the fact that those four touchdowns came on only TEN pass attempts. That’s it. A 40% TD ratio. She only had ten because the Demons were up 35-3 by five minutes into the second half, and Beaumont spent the rest of the game riding the pine. And what’s remarkable is….Beaumont didn’t even have the best statistical game on the team! That would belong to running back Aaron Whitman, who rushed for 164 yards and a TD on only 10 carries. That’s a 16.4 yards per carry average. The league average is 3.5 ypc.

With the game being such a blowout, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the Dragons just rolled over and died. But that’s actually not the case. Grand Rapids put up 440 yards of offense. Travis Lockhart was 33/44 for 323 yards and a touchdown, and Royce Herndon caught a team record 10 catches. But the Dragons also lost three fumbles, and kicker Earl Holley missed two field goals. The Demons actually did their best to keep Grand Rapids in the game, committing ten penalties and allowing seven total sacks. Without that, the game would have been even more lopsided than it was. Final score: CAL 49, GRD 10

Players of the Week:

Offense: Aaron Whitman (RB – CAL): 164 rushing yards and a rushing TD
Defense: Ronald Heard (DE – COL): 3 tackles, a sack, two forced fumbles and two fumble recoveries
Special Teams: Matt Souber (K – COL): four field goals and three extra points, no misses