Once upon a time in 1983, a shit boy band of five liek t0t4lly hawt Americunts from New Jersey formed. They called themselves "Bon Jovi" and signed to Freddie Mercury Records. There, they had a contest to see who could literally drool over girls the longest. Since they had very little saliva in their mouths, Richie Sambora was the only one who could drool the most saliva out of his mouth. After this, they made their debut album and a few years later they got their hit songs "You Give Love a Bad Name" and "Livin' on a Prayer"; their original names were changed to these for obvious reasons.

Since then, Bon Jovi has successfully traumatized millions of people—including teeny boppers, your mom, your girlfriend, and even your grandma—since they released that song "You Give Love a Bad Name". After producing typical hard rock for teen girls, many of you are going to think they are for them. Unlike One Direction, they have never been committed to experimenting. They also think they are the next Van Halen, which is horrifically and hilariously inaccurate.

Bon Jovi even won an American Music Award for Favorite Pop Rock Band/Duo/Group when they didn’t deserve one, much like every other ‘80s hard rock band because they are slick, commercial, unoriginal, and repetitive.

Believe it or not, because of nostalgia, they are still touring and making new albums today. Bon Jovi has been doing the same forgettable trash for 35 years. They refuse to stop, even after grunge killed hair metal in 1991.

They are so bad, in fact, that their fans should be trolled. Some ways you can troll them include talking crap about Bon Jovi, saying that Van Halen is much better, singing “Livin’ on a Prayer” in class and getting the lyrics wrong, spelling “Bon” as “Butt” or “Bon-Bon”, spamming social media sites with this story (if you can even call it one), calling Bon Jovi the new Chicago, or asking the bandmates if they’re the Backstreet Boys.

Those who have trolled Bon Jovi fans before, despise garbage pop music like ‘80s hair metal or AOR, and know what real music is will have lived and shall continue living happily ever after. The end.