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difficult times
For the last six months, I have had the feeling that the world is trying to kill me. Haha.
My psychologist offered me medical treatment, but I decided to go the other way, I just changed the psychologist. Because I believe that there is a way out of every hole. And I have found it before! Just climbing out is quite difficult and sometimes it seems that the efforts will not pay off. This is exactly what has been happening to me for the past few months. Need good support.
Now I forget about the problems by constantly drawing, working. It's kind of like workaholism, to be honest. But drawing does not bring me satisfaction as before. Not the process itself, but what I get in return..
Work brings moral satisfaction when you feel and understand that what you create is necessary for other people and brings them satisfaction. But, judging by the numbers, the attention of the audience and the comments, I get the impression that in 8 years of drawing I did not achieve what I really wanted and everything I did turned out to be in vain. It’s as if I’m going into oblivion and my efforts, no matter how many there are, will always be insufficient and it’s easy to replace me.
Because of this, I have thoughts of leaving drawing and learning another profession. Despite how much I love to draw and those who wrote great reviews with gratitude, which warmed my soul.
Of course, this does not mean that I will give up. I still have the strength to try new things, create beauty and a world in which the viewer will feel as good as me! For example, recently I upgraded my drawing skills and started drawing nsfw again, but much more delicious. Now I am creating a series of adops. And also, inspired by anime and films, I write and draw my universe and my characters (it helps me to support myself)
I just don't know how much longer I'll last with such dismal progress. Haha XD
And I also consciously removed the old connections that were destructive for me and now I have no friends. Crap. I don't know how to make friends at all and it's hard for me to understand other people.. Other people are strange to me.. It always seems to me that I'm not good enough for all the people in the world and can only bring harm. And as if everyone feels it and shuns me in advance. (I would be very happy to have English-speaking friends, but the fact is that it is difficult for me to communicate through a translator, and my English is very bad)
Eh .. How good it is on the roof. I love looking at the city at night. And you are a good conversationalist. Thank you for listening. But it's time for me to go back. No one will live this life for me.
If something is bothering you now, write in the comments. I will gladly answer you.🤍
My psychologist offered me medical treatment, but I decided to go the other way, I just changed the psychologist. Because I believe that there is a way out of every hole. And I have found it before! Just climbing out is quite difficult and sometimes it seems that the efforts will not pay off. This is exactly what has been happening to me for the past few months. Need good support.
Now I forget about the problems by constantly drawing, working. It's kind of like workaholism, to be honest. But drawing does not bring me satisfaction as before. Not the process itself, but what I get in return..
Work brings moral satisfaction when you feel and understand that what you create is necessary for other people and brings them satisfaction. But, judging by the numbers, the attention of the audience and the comments, I get the impression that in 8 years of drawing I did not achieve what I really wanted and everything I did turned out to be in vain. It’s as if I’m going into oblivion and my efforts, no matter how many there are, will always be insufficient and it’s easy to replace me.
Because of this, I have thoughts of leaving drawing and learning another profession. Despite how much I love to draw and those who wrote great reviews with gratitude, which warmed my soul.
Of course, this does not mean that I will give up. I still have the strength to try new things, create beauty and a world in which the viewer will feel as good as me! For example, recently I upgraded my drawing skills and started drawing nsfw again, but much more delicious. Now I am creating a series of adops. And also, inspired by anime and films, I write and draw my universe and my characters (it helps me to support myself)
I just don't know how much longer I'll last with such dismal progress. Haha XD
And I also consciously removed the old connections that were destructive for me and now I have no friends. Crap. I don't know how to make friends at all and it's hard for me to understand other people.. Other people are strange to me.. It always seems to me that I'm not good enough for all the people in the world and can only bring harm. And as if everyone feels it and shuns me in advance. (I would be very happy to have English-speaking friends, but the fact is that it is difficult for me to communicate through a translator, and my English is very bad)
Eh .. How good it is on the roof. I love looking at the city at night. And you are a good conversationalist. Thank you for listening. But it's time for me to go back. No one will live this life for me.
If something is bothering you now, write in the comments. I will gladly answer you.🤍
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Ups and downs of life, there is a group of passages in the bible saying "all is vanity..." because basically eventually all passes to the next generation and who knows if your work will be passed on.
Your art has matured very well and am proud to be part of it still a favorite but have backed off since you have seemed to received so much success!
I myself have switched professions often because I also get stagnant, bored and rather learn new skills. You might do or be the same
Friendships naturally dwindle too, we find so many so easy in school where were all forced together and new friendships are an effort as we age, it's sad. Can always chat with me if you desire, your English posts and journals are seamless and very well written... better than many natural English speakers
Your art has matured very well and am proud to be part of it still a favorite but have backed off since you have seemed to received so much success!
I myself have switched professions often because I also get stagnant, bored and rather learn new skills. You might do or be the same
Friendships naturally dwindle too, we find so many so easy in school where were all forced together and new friendships are an effort as we age, it's sad. Can always chat with me if you desire, your English posts and journals are seamless and very well written... better than many natural English speakers
Everything is vanity .. That's for sure. But I want to go to the part where everything is fine and I got out.
I understand that comparing myself with others is pointless, but I clearly see that there is progress in the drawings, but in the audience it is very weak. That is, what I create does not catch the viewer. (Although, of course, there are those who really like my work and it really warms my soul!)
I understand that comparing myself with others is pointless, but I clearly see that there is progress in the drawings, but in the audience it is very weak. That is, what I create does not catch the viewer. (Although, of course, there are those who really like my work and it really warms my soul!)
I still love your works it's been one of those years where it seems the government is out to stomp on the ones working to get by here in Canada, don't know so much about other places, but it really seems to be the case here, so art purchases have been slow on the up take here, better times should be coming hopefully a year or 2 from now
Oh, thanks for the info about another country! In Russia, too, the government smells bad. But we basically never had a "golden age". Therefore, we do not hope anymore.
As for the work - thanks! It is true that there is no artist without an audience. And I am very pleased when I am praised!:DDD
As for the work - thanks! It is true that there is no artist without an audience. And I am very pleased when I am praised!:DDD
If it may help, I'd say your work is astonishing, hence me following your profile.
I'm no expert in life because I still have many things to learn, but I could say that maybe you should take a break from drawing so you can regain that passion and liking for your stuff, or you could try other branch of drawing to truly get back to it.
Overall, these are difficult times for most regular folks and I can relate to what you say about meeting new people and connecting to them. No comments on that at all, although I could say to try not to focus on the ideas of other people and stay true to what you feel and think.
Please take this with a grain of salt because what may have worked for me could not work for other people, but even if you wish to talk for distraction, feel free to let me know. I'm not a professional friend xD but I may entertain and distract you from bad stuff.
I'm no expert in life because I still have many things to learn, but I could say that maybe you should take a break from drawing so you can regain that passion and liking for your stuff, or you could try other branch of drawing to truly get back to it.
Overall, these are difficult times for most regular folks and I can relate to what you say about meeting new people and connecting to them. No comments on that at all, although I could say to try not to focus on the ideas of other people and stay true to what you feel and think.
Please take this with a grain of salt because what may have worked for me could not work for other people, but even if you wish to talk for distraction, feel free to let me know. I'm not a professional friend xD but I may entertain and distract you from bad stuff.
It's just, probably, you need to live life, not romanticize it, make a commitment as something temporary, albeit hard.
Well, as I see it, last year was very difficult for many people. And I'm not the only one. It’s just that I don’t like to endure something, and when there is no way to correct the situation, or attempts are unsuccessful, I either become discouraged or angry.
Well, as I see it, last year was very difficult for many people. And I'm not the only one. It’s just that I don’t like to endure something, and when there is no way to correct the situation, or attempts are unsuccessful, I either become discouraged or angry.
I get your feeling. Trying to be in control and fix everything is what I look for to the point of having muscular spasms if I'm not in control.
I'm still trying to leave these old habits behind after some therapy, even though it's a matter of trial and error, but what gives trying one more time. If you become discouraged and angry, take out some steam in a healthy manner. Exercise, art, writing, painting, you name it. It's normal if you feel that way, but try to be fair to yourself and not punish you for things you're not in control of.
I'm still trying to leave these old habits behind after some therapy, even though it's a matter of trial and error, but what gives trying one more time. If you become discouraged and angry, take out some steam in a healthy manner. Exercise, art, writing, painting, you name it. It's normal if you feel that way, but try to be fair to yourself and not punish you for things you're not in control of.
Hey, I completely understand what your going through, and I have drawn something similar with the same sort of reason behind it. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/43102208/
If you want an honest opinion, I think you are just suffering through depression like me, but that's ok. Depression to my understanding can never be cured, but it can be treated/managed. There are extreme highs and lows with depression. I know the feeling of never feeling like you, or what you do is enough. I know that feeling so well.
Let me tell you a story, I lost everything last year. My family threw me out for being trans, I lost my job because it couldn't pay enough for me to survive on my own, I lost all of my friends too. Them saying I was a monster, and a terrible person who they just couldn't stand being around anymore because I was so depressed with how things were going. I lost my big sister. Someone I looked up to for years, and now she hates me because I wanted, and maybe even needed her in my life especially going through what I was dealing with.
I moved away from everything I knew in search of something better, and met people I loved, only for them to be taken away from me by evil terrible people, and their own inability to cope with the struggles of life anymore. Even after moving away, trying to start over I still failed. I fell on my ass, lost another job, lost my home again. everything felt so hopeless so many times. I wanted to give up, and it would be so easy. Yet, giving up is easy. Staying, and fighting is hard.
So I kept trying. Thankfully I had a friend help me move again, and now i have another job, and a better home. Maybe even real friends. But I feel the same way you do still. The feeling that things may not ever be enough, or ever really get better. That I will just suffer and lose everything again. Yet I chose to go on because that is what I must do for things to get better. You and i, we are warriors. Our battlefield is not a physical one, but a spiritual and mental one. We must remember to never give up.
I want you to know that I thoroughly enjoy your art, and I really want more from you. I just need more money first lol. Hey, by the way, if you want to be friends maybe I would also really like that. :>
Good luck, and I wish you all the best! Know that I believe in you, and believe you are an amazing person!
If you want an honest opinion, I think you are just suffering through depression like me, but that's ok. Depression to my understanding can never be cured, but it can be treated/managed. There are extreme highs and lows with depression. I know the feeling of never feeling like you, or what you do is enough. I know that feeling so well.
Let me tell you a story, I lost everything last year. My family threw me out for being trans, I lost my job because it couldn't pay enough for me to survive on my own, I lost all of my friends too. Them saying I was a monster, and a terrible person who they just couldn't stand being around anymore because I was so depressed with how things were going. I lost my big sister. Someone I looked up to for years, and now she hates me because I wanted, and maybe even needed her in my life especially going through what I was dealing with.
I moved away from everything I knew in search of something better, and met people I loved, only for them to be taken away from me by evil terrible people, and their own inability to cope with the struggles of life anymore. Even after moving away, trying to start over I still failed. I fell on my ass, lost another job, lost my home again. everything felt so hopeless so many times. I wanted to give up, and it would be so easy. Yet, giving up is easy. Staying, and fighting is hard.
So I kept trying. Thankfully I had a friend help me move again, and now i have another job, and a better home. Maybe even real friends. But I feel the same way you do still. The feeling that things may not ever be enough, or ever really get better. That I will just suffer and lose everything again. Yet I chose to go on because that is what I must do for things to get better. You and i, we are warriors. Our battlefield is not a physical one, but a spiritual and mental one. We must remember to never give up.
I want you to know that I thoroughly enjoy your art, and I really want more from you. I just need more money first lol. Hey, by the way, if you want to be friends maybe I would also really like that. :>
Good luck, and I wish you all the best! Know that I believe in you, and believe you are an amazing person!
The situation is shit .. And life in general is a complicated thing. If somewhere in childhood you were broken and not loved, then over time there is a great chance to grow up as a weak person. I want to be that smart person who did not close his eyes, but worked on himself and became stronger and kinder.
You are not weak just because you grew up broken and not loved. You may have struggles, but dont beat yourself up constantly if you are just human, and have difficulty dealing with some things. Smart is really just a matter of perspective in alot of situations. I think you are a strong, and a kind person already. You care about other's, and your creatures. You go out of your way to help them and yourself. You dont need to punish yourself so much. It's going to be ok, and its alright to admit that sometimes you also might need help from others to make it ok too. We cant always do everything on our own, and its not a bad thing to accept that.
I do not think it is closing your eyes, but simply acknowledging what is happening, and not allowing it to stop you from trying to do what you want to do with your life. Like I said, if you ever want to talk more, I am always around.
I do not think it is closing your eyes, but simply acknowledging what is happening, and not allowing it to stop you from trying to do what you want to do with your life. Like I said, if you ever want to talk more, I am always around.
Ach, I'm sorry. I kind of know what it's like, both to feel that your work is not appreciated and to not have any friends. You are one of the best artists I've found, so it would be a loss to me and others if you drew less -- but maybe taking a step back and exploring another option would be good for you.
You're a kind and thoughtful person, and honestly I would love to chat with you and get to know you better. Unfortunately English is just about the only language I speak. >< But your posts are fine, and practicing with native speakers can only help you. So send me a note if you're interested.
I was really happy to see that you were doing NSFW stuff again. And not just because I look forward to it (though I do, I'm pretty sure that was how I found you, through one of copperback01's commissions). Sexuality can be a source of tremendous power if it's integrated. Becoming more accepting of my own feelings and desires did a lot to help me break out of my own depression.
Anyway, these past few years have been hard on just about everyone. The pandemic has brought a lot of people down both emotionally and financially. But it will pass.
Best of luck, sweet Amur. ^^
You're a kind and thoughtful person, and honestly I would love to chat with you and get to know you better. Unfortunately English is just about the only language I speak. >< But your posts are fine, and practicing with native speakers can only help you. So send me a note if you're interested.
I was really happy to see that you were doing NSFW stuff again. And not just because I look forward to it (though I do, I'm pretty sure that was how I found you, through one of copperback01's commissions). Sexuality can be a source of tremendous power if it's integrated. Becoming more accepting of my own feelings and desires did a lot to help me break out of my own depression.
Anyway, these past few years have been hard on just about everyone. The pandemic has brought a lot of people down both emotionally and financially. But it will pass.
Best of luck, sweet Amur. ^^
Yes, I noticed that many people are having a hard time right now. A pandemic is like a micro war .. We are losing people, our usual life and a difficult psychological state. And the worst thing is that no one knows how soon it will end. It seems to me that in a real war I would not have survived ..
As for the NSFW, I totally agree. If you reveal the potential in this direction, then everything becomes very sensual.
As for the NSFW, I totally agree. If you reveal the potential in this direction, then everything becomes very sensual.
It infuriates me that I have been suffering since 2014, but the result is small! I can't be patient..
But I'm not giving up yet. In the end, there are viewers who are very dear to me. Comments warm the soul, and some reviews of my work sometimes made me cry with feelings.
But I'm not giving up yet. In the end, there are viewers who are very dear to me. Comments warm the soul, and some reviews of my work sometimes made me cry with feelings.
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